Out of Place
by larinhastar
Summary: Seth went to Brown without Summer and Marissa went to Greece with her father. Theresa's pregnant. Ryan's going to Berkeley on his own. Things seem out of place for Newport's most famous couples. Will they manage to go back to what they once were?
1. Chapter 1

It never ceases to amaze Sandy and Kirsten how much their sons' lives have changed since Marissa's departure with her father to Greece…

Sandy's back at the D.A.'s office since the heart attack. After Caleb's death, the Newport Group has sold most of its divisions, keeping only the Building Division, who now has Julie Cooper-Nichol-Roberts as CEO and Kirsten as Financial Director. Things aren't going exactly smoothly but they're expected to get better along the year.

Ryan is supposed to leave to Berkeley on his own next week and Seth's already headed to Brown. At least that hadn't changed.

However, the boys hadn't been the same since the Fantastic Four became Fantastic Three. Adding to the weirdness, Summer suddenly decided to go to USC instead of going to Brown with Seth, and broke his heart in the process. She said that it'd be weird living in college together, that she didn't want to rush things. And then there were only two, and there was nothing fantastic about them…

Now the boys were all broody and silent and spending their days inside the house until Seth left to Brown and Ryan became even broodier and more silent.

Taylor's had the ultimate argument with Veronica Townsend and left her mother's house for good. She's now living with the Cohens at Ryan's former pool house while she decides to which college she's heading to, since she got accepted in all the ones she applied to. Ryan is currently occupying Seth's bedroom.

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"Morning, guys." Ryan said as he entered the Cohen's kitchen where Sandy, Kirsten and Taylor were together, Taylor preparing pancakes and Sandy slicing some bagels while Kirsten sipped coffee from her green mug.

"Morning, Ryan!" Taylor beamed at him. She had been acting all too smiley around Ryan… Sandy and Kirsten had noticed. Ryan hadn't. He had been too busy grieving about Marissa's departure.

"Want a bagel, Ryan? Take one before they're all taken." Sandy offered. His hair was damp and Ryan knew he probably had been surfing earlier and then stopped by the baker's to bring fresh bagels to the family.

"No, thanks. I'm gonna have some cereal." He said while he walked to the counter and mixed himself some Honey Smacks and milk. He wasn't really in the mood for talking and, seeing as Taylor was about to start on him he went to the living room with his bowl and sat on the couch to watch the news.

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"Oh, my. I wonder how long this is gonna last… Poor Ryan." Kirsten said as he left the kitchen.

"Marissa's always done that to him. Wheter she breaks up with him or not, whenever something's up between them he gets all mute and pensive."

"Oh, Sandy. It's not like she did it on purpose… Things became pretty harsh between them with the whole Theresa deal." Kirsten said, aware that her husband's words were not very fair to Marissa but they were true indeed.

"I'd never be capable of leaving someone I loved the way she did. Only because trouble showed up in the way! It was very unfair to Ryan, poor thing!" Taylor blurted out; mostly out of pity for Ryan than because she was mad at Marissa.

"Taylor, I can hear you. Can you please speak lower? Or can you not speak at all?" Ryan called out from the living room.

"Sorry…" And she blushed heavily as Sandy and Kirsten started laughing. Now Ryan knew he had been the topic of their little chat. That was awkward.

He knew the Cohens had their reasons to be concerned, but this whole mess wasn't definitely Marissa's fault. At least not this time. Once in her life she had made a move to spare herself instead of staying behind and enjoying the suffering. And he was kinda of proud of her for that. But still he had to deal with sorely missing her.

As if he hadn't enough on his plate. Theresa's discovery that she was pregnant with his baby turned his whole world upside down. At first they tried moving in together and being a couple. But he couldn't get his mind off Marissa and Theresa could easily notice that and she had her pride.

Now they were just being parents. She was seven months pregnant and living in Chino with her family. He would pick her up and drive her everywhere she needed to go, accompany her to her medical appointments and such stuff. He was starting to get used to the idea of being a dad. He wanted to be a very different one from his own. He'd give his kid the world. It was really a shame that his first kid wasn't going to be with Marissa… But, he was still his first kid. They hadn't picked a name yet.

Marissa breathed the salty air from the deck of the ship. The _Sightseer _was really lonely when her father was working. She missed her friends. Sorely. Her choice had been a hard one to make.

The whole thing was getting awkward enough for her with Ryan, Theresa and the latter big pregnancy. She was four months when Marissa left and already showing. The fact that the baby was really Ryan's was something she could barely bear. She'd probably struggle her entire life to understand why in the world that would happen to her and Ryan, of all couples.

She decided to give Sum a call, since she was her only connection to Newport at the moment. She wasn't exactly on speaking terms with her mother since she decided not to go to Berkeley and travel with her dad to clear her head for an indefinite amount of time.

"Hi, Coop! It's nice to finally hear from you! It's been what? A month?!"

"Hey, Sum. Been busy. Sorry about that… But it's not like you've been calling, either…"

"Soo… What's up?"

"I missed you. This week I've been missing Newport a lot… It's like I've left a part of me behind…" Marissa spoke in such a low voice that made Summer wonder if she was crying.

"You mean you've been missing Ryan a lot… Don't you? Oh, come on, Coop… Why did you…" Summer started but Marissa interrupted her.

"It was for the best, Sum. He'll go back to Theresa. He'll find another girl. We both need to move on with our lives." She sobbed. "But I can't seem to…"

"He's still a mess too, if you wanna know… Seth left for Brown last week and all I've got left to hang out with is Taylor…" Summer sighed.

"That's why you're missing me so much!" Marissa managed to make a joke.

"She says he's awful. He won't speak to anyone about it and barely leaves Seth's room. She's living in the pool house. Kirsten's worried he might not got to Berkeley." Summer added.

"He won't do that to his future. One of us not going is more than enough."

"So you're not going at all? Classes will start within a week… There's still time! We'd both stay in California! You could go to LA with me!" Summer never gave up trying.

"For the same reason you're not going to Brown. I won't fit in there". Marissa said, with grief in her voice.

"What do you mean you won't fit? You're the student every dean has ever dreamed of! High SATs, former social chair…"

"Ok, then. I'll go to Berkeley if you go to Brown."

"Coop! Come on! You know it would be sooo weird if Seth and I went together! It'd be like being married in college! You're supposed to find out who you are in college! How am I supposed to do that married to Cohen?!"

Marissa couldn't stop herself from laughing at Summer's response. Her friend could be really funny. But this whole "finding myself" thing had broken Seth's heart and they both knew it.

"You know he may not wait for you forever, right?" Marissa asked this question every time they spoke. Summer had the love of her life and nothing between them and she wouldn't keep him. Maybe she thought that if they were meant to be together, they'd be in the end, no matter what.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Maybe he'll find a hot yet intelligent girl in Brown and they'll move in and be nerd together and live happily ever after." "We have to do this. We need to know if we really love each other and to accomplish that we'll need some time apart."

"So you're together but in a long distance relationship or you're not together at all? I'm not sure I'm following… Last time I spoke to Seth, he said you were still on." Marissa was getting really confused about Summer's love life.

"Well, we were together just fine, but long distance. Until last week… He called my cell and I'd left it at Zach's car. We'd been at the Crab shack having lunch and he dropped me at home afterwards. My phone must've slipped from my bag or something… He was like: I barely left and you have already replaced me! That's why you wanted to go separate ways and such…". Summer sighed. Seth had got everything wrong and he wouldn't let her explain herself. And probably now he was not only heartbroken with her, he was really pissed.

"I don't know what to say, Sum… Why didn't you call me? It was last week, wasn't it?"

"I couldn't get through to you. You must've been somewhere without signal… But it's nice to finally talk to you."

"Have you seen Theresa, Sum?"

"Nope. But Taylor said she sometimes visits the Cohens. She's even bigger now, six or seven months, I guess."

"I still can't believe this is happening to me and Ryan… I just wished he'd never met her… It's been three months since I left but I can't forget him, Sum. I can't."

"So come back and get what's yours by right. He'd love you even more for that."

And they kept chatting, filling each other up with the latest news. There wasn't much novelty in Marissa's life; she'd work in the ship's restaurant as a waitress during the day and rest at night. Sometimes she'd play cards with her father; sometimes they'd watch a movie and when the ship harbored they would go sightseeing and dining out. They hadn't been in the land for some time now and the last time she asked her father where they were Jimmy had said they'd be arriving in Athena within two days, so she knew she was a long way from home.

It was another cold morning in Providence, Arkansas. Seth didn't feel like getting out of bed. Every day it had been harder on him. Since he and Summer had that painful fight on the phone he couldn't sleep and when he finally dozed off, he couldn't get up the next day…

He had been in Brown for one week now. And it had been three days since he heard Zach's voice on Summer's phone. How could she do that to him? He kept asking himself as memories of the end of their relationship crept back at him…

"_What do you mean you haven't sent your acceptance letter to Brown, Summer?! Have you completely lost your mind?!" Seth was as shocked as he'd ever been in his entire life.__ He'd just found the acceptance letter lying on her desk, not even signed and the deadline was over three weeks ago._

"_I haven't, Cohen. I couldn't. We'd be like instantly married!" She replied._

"_I thought you wanted to marry me, someday, Summer Roberts! I guess I was wrong…" He was utterly disappointed in her._

"_And I do, Cohen. But not now. Not in college! We're too young!__ I'm afraid we might ruin it…"_

"_You're already ruining it, Summer."_

"_College should be about finding yourself, Seth, and we would never be able to do it together. It's a one-person journey. I need to know where I belong in the world. That's why I'm going to USC."_

"_Why can't you find yourself in Providence… You're going to USC?! Wait a minute, you had this all planned?!" It was appalling how he didn't notice what she had been up to._

"_No, Seth, I didn't. They accepted me in the last minute because they had a spot and also because of my high SATs"._

"_Oh, the SATs… You'll rub those in my nose for the rest of our lives…" Seth sighed. He couldn't understand how Summer, who never sat with a book in her hands, had become so intelligent so suddenly.__ She laughed at the mention of the SAT rubbing._

"_Listen, Cohen. I love you. I wanna be with you. But I think it'd be best for us if we went to different colleges. We'd still be together on holidays and on summer and winter break…" She tried to soften him._

"_We'd be many hours away from each other. I don't know if we'd function in a long distance relationship…"_

"_We'd definitely argue less... I guess we both agree that it could be good start?"_

_And she went on and on until she convinced him that her decision would be best for both of them. He didn't exactly agree to that, but it was that or breaking up with her. And he couldn't live without her, that was a sure thing. _

Seth rolled in bed, still brooding. On that night that he had found that goddamn letter he thought he and Summer were surely going to have problems in a long distance relationship. But he could never imagine they'd come so soon and in the form of Zachary… The guy who had been there for Summer when he hadn't… He would never forget that day in Harbor… Summer and Zach walking away from him… Together. The athletic, confident, version of him. And apparently Zach was back from Italy. He'd said horrible things to Summer, he couldn't help himself. He'd completely lost it when he spoke to Zach and he said that Summer had left her cell phone in his car.

"_Hello." __A familiar male voice picked up Summer's cell phone._

"_Summer?" Seth asked, silently asking himself who could be._

"_Seth? It's Zach here. How are you, man?" Zach spoke to him in a pleasant voice._

"_Zach?! What the hell are you doing with Summer's cellphone?" Seth asked, not-nonchalantly at all._

"_She forgot it in my car, Seth. Are you in Newport or in Providence? How have you been?" But Seth wouldn't answer Zach's pleasant questions, he was mad with jealousy when he pictured Summer and Zach together in Zach's car._

"_Providence. Gotta go now. Talk to ya later." And he hung up on Zach, desperate to talk to Summer and ask her what the hell she had been doing with Zach._

_Five minutes later, the phone started ringing at Summer's house. Julie Cooper-Nichol-Roberts picked up:_

"_Roberts residence. This is Julie Cooper…" But Seth broke her speech off._

"_Julie, I need to talk to Summer.__ It's urgent." _

"_Whoa. Someone's all nervous…"_

_He heard Summer's voice in the background:_

"_Is it for me?"_

"_Yes. It's Seth Cohen. He sounds upset about something…" Julie said as she handed Summer the phone._

"_Hey Cohen. What's up?" Summer asked, in an unconcerned voice._

"_Summer Roberts, what is your cell phone doing in Zach's car?!" He said, as straightforward as he could be. _

"_My cell phone what?! Oh my God! I can't believe I forgot it, it must've slipped from my bag… I've gotta call him and I don't have his number. Crap!" Summer blurted out._

"_What were you doing in Zach's car, Summer?" He asked, jealousy getting the best of him._

"_Why are you using that tone, Cohen?" Summer finally noticed that Seth was using a no-nonsense tone and she wondered what had gotten into him._

"_Which tone, Summer? An angry one? A jealous one? Because that's what I'm feeling right now. How could you?" He was yelling at her now._

"_Have you completely lost it, Cohen? How could I what?" _

"_You're hanging out with Zach behind my back, Summer! You couldn't wait a week after I left…" Seth accused her, growing more and more irritated as she pretended not to understand him. The thing is, she wasn't pretending._

"_First, I'm not hanging out with Zach. He's just back from Italy and asked me out for lunch. It wasn't a date, Seth. He just wanted to tell me the news! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?"_

"_How dare I? You were the one that started dating him right after I left for Portland."_

"_Seth Cohen, I'm telling you,there's nothing going on between Zach and I." She was so startled with his accusations and there was nothing else she could tell him but the truth._

"_That's all you've got say about it? Sorry, Summer, but this whole thing of staying in California now starts to make sense to me…" Seth continued in a hurtful tone._

"_Seth, you're getting the wrong idea… Please let me explain!" Summer was starting to feel desperate. Why wouldn't he believe her?_

"_But it's all finally explained, Summer Roberts. Things have never been clearer. Please never call me again". And he hung up on her, feeling more miserable than he had been when Zach picked up her phone._

Ryan finished his breakfast and was heading back to the kitchen when he saw a picture of him and Marissa on the fireplace. He sighed. It had only been a few months, they'd just got back together in Harbor's College Sweatshirt Party… They were both going to Berkeley… She wasn't drinking anymore and he had promised not to get into any more fights. Everything was so right until the day Theresa showed up in the Cohen's home and told him she was pregnant.

His cell phone started ringing in his bedroom and he ran to pick it up. He looked at the caller ID and he saw Marissa's name on it. He nearly dropped the phone. It had been months since they'd spoken to each other. They'd talk daily when she left but it only made things more difficult so they quit. And now she was calling him…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_**Hey guys… Just to let you know… I've changed the order of the events to suit my story's needs and also I've made Theresa pregnant with Ryan's baby because I have plans for their kid later. **_

"Marissa?" Ryan asked, trying to keep his voice steady, he was so anxious about hearing from her again. He missed her terribly.

"…" Silence in the other end of the line. It wasn't the first time Marissa called him and said nothing, but this time he thought he could hear her sobbing very low. He felt desperate to be near her. His heart ached with longing.

"Baby? Are you there? Please, Marissa, don't cry, you're killing me…"

"I love you, Ryan… I always will…" She managed to say, her voice uneven by her sobs, tears streaking down her face.

"I love you, too, Marissa. Don't be like this. I miss you so much…"

"I just wish you know… I don't blame you. I understand why you have to do this. It's the right thing to do." She spoke still sniffing.

"I just wish things were different… I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. You'll be having a baby. You'll be an amazing father, I just know it." Marissa really meant that. Even though it wasn't their baby she knew that he'd be there for Theresa and the little one whenever they needed him.

"When will you be back in Newport? I've gotta see you one more time, Marissa…" He'd always ask her this question whenever they talked, but always got the same answer.

"I need to get myself together again, Ryan… I don't know when I'll be back… Or if I'll ever be back." All she wanted to do was to arrive in Greece and get in the first plane back to California. But she promised herself it was over. At some point they'd get over each other.

"Please come back to me, Marissa. We can make this work, I promise. Let's go to Berkeley together."

"You know it's for the best, Ryan. We agreed to this. I'm sorry I called you, I just… I miss you so much…" Marissa was sobbing again. How would they move on if from time to time one of them would relapse and bring more suffering into their already torn hearts?

When Ryan was about to retort that at first he did agree but now he was pretty sure this wasn't the best for any of them, Marissa hung up on him. Theresa felt guilty because she knew her pregnancy was in the way of Ryan's happiness, he felt miserable without Marissa and she seemed to be as broken as him. The best for whom?

Summer decided she wouldn't call Seth again today. He definitely wasn't answering nor returning any of her calls. If he thought he could ignore her, she'd give him a bit of his old medicine, when she didn't even acknowledged his existence. That would serve him just right. How could he think she'd be capable of cheating on him…? And with Zach Stevens of all people!

Shopping seemed like a good idea and maybe some exfoliation later on the day… She called Taylor, her new and only girl friend in Newport and asked if she wanted to accompany her. She definitely wasn't Marissa, but she wasn't even as near as bitchy lately as she was when they were in Harbor.

Noticing that Ryan had retreated back to his room, Kirsten went upstairs, worried about her son actual state of mind. She never had thought of Ryan as a sad boy but lately that had been his usual mood.

There he was, lying on his back in Seth's bed, with Captain Oats in his hands. The cell phone by his side.

"Need some encouraging to start packing?" She asked while she sat by him in the bed.

"I guess I do, Kirsten. It's like… I know I'm going to Berkeley in a few days, but I haven't really gotten over the idea of going without her… I keep expecting her to ring the door bell, all packed, ready to come with me." Ryan said, moving to get up of the bed.

"Things have changed a lot, haven't they? I'd never imagined that you'd be going to college on your own. Neither you nor Seth…" Kirsten said, still trying to keep up with the latest changes in her sons' lives.

"I guess you'd never imagine that I'd get Theresa knocked up and that it'd eventually lead to me and Marissa breaking up… Would you?" Ryan said, in an apologetic tone.

"I won't say I wasn't disappointed at first… But I'm starting to get used to the idea of being a Grandma…"

"It's nice to know that someone here is getting used to this, because I can't even picture myself as a dad…" Ryan said and he meant it.

"Well, you've still got two months to like the idea… And I guess you'll be a good dad. At least as good as a father can be when he isn't married to the mother of his son."

"We haven't even talked names yet… We barely talk. Theresa's got her pride wounded when I left Chino for good."

"Maybe she's still in love with you… It must be hard for her being around knowing you love someone else and that her pregnancy is on the way".

"I know it isn't easy on her, as well…"

"I know this whole situation isn't easy for any of you… But today you seem particularly sad… Wanna tell me what's wrong or should I call Seth or Sandy for an intervention?" Kirsten asked, hoping he'd open up with her.

"Marissa's just called..." Ryan said, in an almost inaudible tone.

"Oh, dear… And how is she doing?" Kirsten asked, concerned that this decision of Marissa wasn't doing them any good, even though it was the "right thing to do". She knew she would've done the same if she was Marissa.

"As bad as I am… Everything is out of its place for us now. I wish we could turn back time… But we can't. I don't know if she'll ever come back or if we'll be together when she does..."

Kirsten didn't know what to say. There didn't seem to be any consolation for the young couple. Only time would tell if they were really meant for each other. So, she walked towards his wardrobe and they started to pick outfits for Ryan to take with him to Berkeley.

Getting up in that cold weather of Providence was a hard task but someone had to do it. Seth got up, got his face washed and brushed his teeth, trying to gain some dignity. He'd wear pajama like sweatpants, a black tee and flip flops. He called his college buddy to see if they had any activity scheduled by the Brown University Freshman Integration Committee.

"Morning, Seth." Said a male voice in the other end of the line.

"Hi, Andre. So, what's up for today?" He asked, trying to sound excited.

"There'll be a tour for the freshmen at nine in the library, then lunch and design classes will begin in the afternoon".

"Really? Oh my God, integration week is ending… Real life starts to sink in…" Seth sighed.

"Don't be dramatic, Seth. You're gonna love the classes."

"I could always go back to Newport… There's this flight you know, it goes straight to LA and then to Newport it would be…" Seth started babbling. He worried if he'd live up to the high standards of Brown's design students.

"You must be really panicking about college… You said you hated Newport…"

"And I do… It's just that… I don't know what I'm saying, just forget it. I miss Summer, that's all..." And he'd continue with the babbling if Andre hadn't cut him off.

"Well, it'll take some time before summer begins in Rhode Island… See you in the library in a few. Bye". Andre didn't even know who Summer was, so he couldn't get what Seth's confession was about.

"Bye".

The thing was… Summer hadn't even tried to contact him today. Maybe she got tired of trying to convince him that she wasn't having an affair with Zach Stevens. Maybe she was so busy having an affair that she hadn't had the time to call…

Surely Summer Roberts knew how to drive him crazy.

Summer and Taylor were at Newport's Beauty Clinic and Spa, getting a facial treatment together and Taylor was babbling about the latest news in the Cohens home.

"You know, Ryan's even weirder now than he was when Marissa had just left. Have you been talking to her? I've been wondering if she's a mess just like him or if she's having a good time with a hot Greek god…" And she giggled.

"I wished she was… Actually, I spoke to her today and she didn't tell me where she was, but I'm guessing she hasn't arrived in Greece yet. All she does is cry and whine about how much she misses Ryan."

"Pretty much like him. Speaking of missing, don't you miss Seth, Summer?"

"No. Not at all. I'm so pissed at that ass that I can't even manage to miss him".

"Oh, the Zach thing… You haven't made up yet?"

"He won't even answer my calls! I never thought that Cohen was the mad with jealousy type… It must be distance…" Summer sighed.

"It sucks, you know, you're getting all the blame without getting any pleasure…" Taylor giggled.

"Come on, Taylor! I'm as over Zach as he's over me. He even said he got engaged to this girl from Berkeley who was on holidays in Italy as well."

"Really?! Wow! That's big news… Engaged!"

"I just wish Seth would stop being stubborn! If he doesn't call me before I go to USC, it's gonna be sooo over between us."

Marissa's workshift as a waitress in the Mermaid, the Sightseer's bar, was supposed to start in one hour and she had been curled up in a ball in her bed since she spoke to Ryan. She'd work the night shift today. Jimmy knocked on her cabin's door.

"Marissa, you're supposed to be in the bar in an hour. How about getting up and getting ready?"

"Coming, Dad."

She had felt so depressed after she spoke to Ryan that all she could do was lye down in her cabin and cry. She really didn't feel like working today, but she knew she had to. She got up, took a quick shower and slapped on some makeup and got into her waitress' uniform, blue miniskirt and white tee with a mermaid logo on her left chest. On her way to the bar, she met her dad by the deck.

"So, how are we doing today?" Jimmy asked, trying to disguise his concern by using a light tone. He knew his poor little girl's heart was broken

"Better, I guess. I'm hoping I'll be used to being away when we finally set foot in Greece…" She didn't feel better at all, but she didn't want to worry her dad.

"You're gonna love Athens. Your mother and I went there when you and Kaitlin were still little. It's a warm, welcoming city. Not to mention it is beautiful." Jimmy felt really excited about moving to Europe.

"Can't wait. Gotta go now, dad. My shift is about to begin…" Marissa said and got back on her way towards the Mermaid Bar.

He would never forget the first time he saw her walking into that bar. She managed to look gorgeous even wearing a waitress uniform. Her shining golden hair falling in light curls over her shoulders and the sad smile on her face immediately caught his attention. She definitely wasn't European. She had a tan in her skin that screamed California and was as tall as a model.

How could he not have seen her before? He had been on the ship for one week now, and he had never set eyes in such beauty. He watched her saying hi to Jack, the barmen and then disappear behind the door that led to the kitchen. When she came back she was wearing a short apron. And she headed towards his table.

"Hi. I'm Marissa, your waitress. Can I get you something?" She asked with a sympathetic smile.

"I'd like a Bud, please, Marissa. What a beautiful name, suits its owner." He said, flashing her a smile.

The only answer he got was a shy smile, and then she headed back to the bar to get his beer.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: **Sooo, there's gonna be a slight jump in time from last chapter to this one. Don't worry; it'll make sense in the end. I know where I'm going.**

**Chapter 03**

"Are we really gonna do this?" Ryan asked over the phone.

"There's no way around it, Ryan. If we don't go, they'll come and get us. You know the parents…" Seth answered in a dramatic tone.

"I'm so not ready for this."

"You are not ready? What about me?! My dad did me the favor of inviting Summer! How could he do this to me? That man is evil…"

"How long has it been since you two spoke to each other?"

"God, Ryan… Why do you have to bring up this awful topic?"

"You were the one who mentioned her… Come on, Seth, it's Thanksgiving… The entire Cooper-Nichol-Roberts-Cohen clan will be together…"

"The only reason why you're so cool about it is that Marissa informed she won't make it."

"It'll be weird being back in Newport after such a long time… It feels like I've been in Berkeley since forever."

"Is Theresa still living with the parents? Or have she and the little bundle of joy moved back to Chino?"

"They've moved back, but Kirsten told me she asked Theresa to let little Aiden in Newport for Thanksgiving. That way we'll have some time to bond."

"And here I was thinking we would've a guy's night out… Now we'll have a diaper's night in…"Seth sighed.

"So, I'll see you in LAX in 09 hours. Now I'm gonna try and get so sleep. I'll probably need it later".

"See ya".

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"What is it?" Ian asked, looking at Marissa's expressionless face. Finally reacting, as if she'd just woken up, she looked at him questioningly.

"Sorry… What did you just say?"

"I asked what is wrong? Why have you been acting weird this week? You've been so thoughtful… You can tell me, you know… I'm here." Ian said using a patient tone.

"It's just that… I'm feeling a little anxious about this dinner..." Marissa said. It wasn't exactly the dinner itself that was making her feel that way, but seeing Ryan after all this time.

They hadn't spoken in a long time. She had promised herself after her last breakdown that she wasn't going to call him anymore. It would only make things worse. She knew she had to let go of him.

"I kinda feel a little anxious too… After all, I'm gonna finally meet the rest of your family. And friends. That's kinda of big".

"Yeah… I guess it is." Marissa responded, absent-minded.

Marissa had never told Ian anything about Ryan and their past together. They hadn't had any sort of conversation about their past. She dodged the topic whenever it appeared and Ian didn't seem to mind. She thought it was too soon fill him in about her life's drama; after all, they had only been together for two months… She liked him ok; he seemed to be madly in love with her.

When Jimmy had got a job as a restaurant manager in Santorini, he had to move, so Ian invited her to move in with him and now they were sharing a flat. When she told Summer about it, her friend nearly freaked out on the phone.

"_Hey Sum. It's me, Marissa."_

"_Oh my God! Is it really you? It's been too long, Coop! How are we__?" Summer was so excited to hear all the news about her friend's life in Greece._

"_Of course it's me, you silly. How is college?"_

"_You know, I'm actually enjoying it a lot more than I'd imagined..."_

"_Have you declared your major yet?"_

"_Yes. Fashion design__! It's been great. Enough talking about me. How's life in Greece?"_

"_It's nice.__ The weather is warm, so I don't miss that…" Marissa was choosing her words carefully, she didn't know if she wanted to tell Summer about Ian yet._

"_Are the Greeks hot?" Summer broke her off._

"_Yes, they are. Very."_

"_Are you dating someone, Marissa? You sound like you're not telling me something…"_

"_Actually, we're discussing moving in together, since Dad's now working in another city and I've been in a hotel by myself since them."_

"_Nooooo way! Are you serious, Coop?!" Summer was astonished. Was this the same Marissa she had spoken to one month ago? The one that was so desperate because she couldn't forget Ryan?!_

"_I am. Please don't judge me, Sum. I feel lonely here… I'm actually thinking about saying yes". _

"_I'm trying not to. Listen, Coop, I know desperate situations __ask for desperate measures, but… It's like, sooo early! Just make sure you won't regret it. What's his name again?" Summer felt her heart sink with concern for her friend._

"_I know it's real soon, but I'd rather do that than live by myself… I'm afraid I might start drinking again if I did…" Marissa said in a hesitant voice._

"_You're not drinking anymore? Please introduce me to this guy, he's a miracle. Ryan tried to talk you into this during your entire relationship and…"_

"_It's not only because of Ian, Summer. I've been trying hard to put myself together. I have a job, I pay taxes. I have plans actually." And she felt quite proud of herself for that._

"_Soo, his name is Ian? He's not Greek, is he?"_

"_No. He's American actually. A very handsome one, FYI". _

"_Spill it out! How have the two of you met?"_

"_We met during our trip to Greece; he was a passenger from the ship I was working in. As you know, I was working as a waitress and one day he was at my section and…"_

"_I'm so glad I'm not in Newport." _

"_Why do you say that?"_

"_Because I don't wanna see Atwood's face when he finally finds out that you've moved on…" If she had really moved on, Summer thought to herself._

"_I had to. __I know I'll never love Ian the way I love Ryan, but at least I gotta try… I guess Ian is really in love with me, you know"._

"_Are you in love with him, Coop?"_

"_We can't always be with the person we love, Summer. Ryan's a father now and Theresa'll always be around. I'm actually afraid they may be together by the time I go back to Newport…" Marissa voiced her concern about Ryan and Theresa's relationship for the first time. It had been on her mind for a long time, but she never had told anyone that she feared that._

"_By the way, __Sandy told me Ryan's baby is the cutest thing on Earth… It's a boy and his name is…"_

"_Why Sandy told you and not Seth?!" __Marissa cut her off, wondering if she and Seth were still fighting._

"_Because Seth and I are no more, that's why." Summer replied in a calm voice._

"_Are you still apart?!" Marissa couldn't believe what she was hearing._

"_Yes, we are. I'm done with Seth's accusations. He can't stand a long distance relationship. Maybe one day in the future, if we are really meant to be…"_

"_You are meant to be and you both know it. I don't know why being so stubborn…"_

"_Because he's a Cohen and I'm a Roberts, that's why." _

Since the day she finally had told Summer about her relationship with Ian and also made her promise not to say a word to anyone about it, the two friends seemed to reestablish their bond.

It was nice to have Summer back in her life, Marissa thought, as she felt herself drifting back to sleep. It was a long trip from Athens to Newport.

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When Sandy got home, he found Kirsten running up and down the kitchen, looking very busy.

"I'm home!" he said as we walked into the kitchen.

"I don't know what had gotten into me when I decided to throw this dinner!" She said as she paced towards the oven and checked something inside it.

"Oh, honey, why haven't you hired help?"

"Because I wanted to do things by myself, Sandy. Besides, Julie said she'd be here earlier to help me but she hasn't shown up yet."

"What a fine partner you've got for yourself! It's nearly six… You've got to start getting ready. The boys will be here within any minute… By the way, where's Taylor? Wasn't she supposed to help you, too?"

"Taylor spent all day helping me; she went to the beauty parlor to get her nails done about thirty minutes ago. It's kinda of a relief… She couldn't stop herself from asking me if I think that Ryan is ready to date again…" And Kirsten sighed. The last time that Ryan had been around, they'd been so busy with little Aiden that she didn't have the chance to talk to him.

"Taylor is a nice girl… Despite the fact that she's a chatterbox indeed and Ryan's the strong silent type… It could work…" And Sandy chuckled.

"I don't think he's over Marissa, Sandy. I didn't want to tell Taylor anything, but… He actually asked if Marissa was coming for Thanksgiving…"

"We have invited her, haven't we? It'd be nice to know how the girl's doing. Julie said that she seemed ok through the phone… Is she coming?"

"As I was saying… When he asked if she was coming, I guessed the reason was he didn't want to bump into his former love, but when I told him she said that she probably wasn't coming because of work, he didn't sound relieved, on the contrary, he actually said he was looking forward to see her".

"And, coming from Ryan, that's worth 1000 words… Like he'd have time for dating! He doesn't know it yet, but Aiden is a piece of work! I'd never guess that being a grandfather would be such a hard task…"

"He just misses his mummy, that's why he's been moody. I invited Theresa to stay, as well. But she said she'd rather be with her family". Kirsten explained, shrugging.

"Where is he, by the way?"

"Seeing as I couldn't decide which one was driving me crazier, I've asked your mother to take him for a stroll by the beach". Kirsten answered in a mischievous tone. Sandy laughed heartily. It was always fun to see Kirsten and Sophie Cohen interacting.

"What time exactly did the boys say they are supposed to arrive? I've got nearly everything ready. Ryan and Seth are staying in Seth's bedroom and Taylor will remain in the pool house. Summer's staying at her father's house… If she feels like sleeping over I don't think Ryan would mind sharing the pool house with Taylor, would he?"

"Let me remind you of the fact that Seth and Summer are no longer together… I don't think she'll consider staying for the night…"

"I know… It's more wishful thinking on my part…" Kirsten said with a sad smile. "I'd really love to have at least one of the girls as my daughter-in-law and seeing as Marissa's in Greece…"

"Only time will tell, honey. I'm gonna call Julie and tell her to drag her ass down here and help you. What kind of friend is she, anyway?"

"The kind that is having her daughter over for Thanksgiving!!!" And Julie entered the kitchen, positively vibrating, wearing a red silk dress, clicking her heels. "The door was unlocked, so I let myself in…"

"Julie! You're finally here! Come on, get yourself an apron and supervise the turkey and the gravy. There's also a sweet potato pie that should be ready in fifteen minutes…" And Kirsten would have continued to tattle on and on about dinner preparations if Julie hadn't interrupted.

"Kiki! Did you listen to what I've just told you? Marissa is coming from Greece! She'll be arriving at any minute! Isn't it great?" Julie was beaming from ear to ear. "It is great! The Atwood-Cohen-Roberts-Cooper clan is finally together again!" Sandy said, and Kirsten could only sigh. She could forecast a storm forming when the fantastic four met again. She prayed silently that things would go well on her Thanksgivings dinner.

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"Hurry up, babe. We're sooo late. I've never been so late in my entire life!"

"Summer, we're already driving at the speed limit! Will you calm down, please?"

"My dad's gonna kill me, Anthony! Oh my God… It's six o'clock already! Can we go faster?" Summer had been ranting about being late since they'd left Los Angeles. He knew it was her way of dealing with the fact that she'd be soon introducing her new boyfriend to her family and friends, so he let her carry on.

"It's really a pity that Marissa won't be able to go! Apart from Seth being there, I think it's gonna be a blast, seeing my dad, Kirsten, Sandy… And I'm finally gonna meet little Aiden Atwood! I wonder if he looks more his daddy or his mummy…" And on she went.

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After hours sitting in an airplane, Seth finally arrived at the LAX. Now all he had to do was finding Ryan, get into a cab and go say hi to the Thanksgiving turkey.

He strolled in the airport, looking around. Ryan was supposed to arrive fifteen minutes before him.

"Seth! Over here!" He heard a familiar voice and headed towards his "brother".

"Hey man! I missed you!" He said and reached out a hand to shake Ryan's. "No hugs needed! It's only been three months!"

"Seth's still Seth. So, ready to get going? We've still gotta a forty-five minutes drive home".

"We could always take a flight to Tijuana and never show up…?!" Seth suggested, realizing that he was about to meet Summer.

"Come on, Seth. It's gonna be ok. Maybe you and Summer will even make up… Be positive!" Ryan said, trying to cheer him up.

"I've screwed up Ryan and I'm aware of it… She'll never forgive me for not trusting her… Can we please not go?" And he made a move of turning in the direction of the American Airlines counter. Ryan held him by the arm.

"We're gonna be late. Man up. You are going."

Seth sighed. What else could he do?

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The door bell of the Cohen's house rang. Sandy went to the door and was surprised to meet Neil Roberts, Summer and a guy he had never seen before. Before he could say something, Summer threw herself in his arms.

"Hi Sandy! I missed you all so much! Where's Kirsten?"

"She's getting Aiden dressed and will be down here in a minute, I guess. Julie's in the dining room, finishing the table details and driving the Nana crazy in the process…"

"Oh my God, the Nana is here!" And Summer entered the house, leaving Sandy, Neil and the visitor behind her.

"Sandy Cohen, it's a pleasure to meet you…" He said, shaking the visitor's hand.

"Sorry, Sandy. Summer's been so agitated since she got here that even I forgot my manners." Neil Roberts said with a sheepish smile. "This is Anthony White, my Summer's new boyfriend".

"New boyfriend, huh? I know a guy who's gonna love that…" Sandy said more to himself, thinking about Seth's reaction when he saw Summer's handsome new boyfriend.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Cohen". Anthony said, smiling politely as he shook Sandy's hand.

"Call me Sandy. Let's go to the patio. I'll fetch us a bottle of wine."

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"Isn't he adorable?" Taylor said, smiling at little Aiden, who was now all dressed up for Thanksgiving.

"He's just the cuttest baby I've ever seen! Come to auntie Summer, Aiden!" And Summer started to babble babytalk while Kirsten was holding him.

"You wanna hold him?" Kirsten offered.

"Sure he isn't gonna break? What if he falls?" Summer asked, looking afraid.

"You wouldn't let such a tiny thing fall, would you. Now, come on. Hold him and let's all go downstairs." Kirsten said as she put Aiden in Summer's arms.

"He looks so much like Ryan. If I didn't know Theresa is his mother, I could've swear that Marissa is…" Summer observed looking into Aiden's piercing blue eyes.

"Never mention it in front of Theresa's. She seems sad that her baby doesn't look like her at all". Taylor said.

"Family! We're home!" Seth yelled from the front door.

Sandy walked inside and ran towards his sons, hugging both of them.

"Enough, dad. Enough. I don't feel really comfortable hugging men and…"

"I missed you, son! It's great to have you back, even if it's only for a few days…"

"We missed you, too, Sandy." Ryan said, smiling at his "father".

After saying hi to everyone, Sandy was helping them to take their luggage upstairs at the same time the girls were coming downstairs with Aiden.

Seth froze on his step. Summer looked gorgeous in a blue flowy dress. He couldn't take his eyes of her. She, however, was still pissed at him.

"Hey Summer! Long time no see…" Seth watched as Ryan moved to give Summer a friendly hug.

"Hey Atwood! What a cute baby you and Theresa made!" She smiled to her friend.

Ryan walked towards Kirsten, who was now holding Aiden.

"Hi little fella. Did you miss daddy?" Aiden stared at his father's face, as if trying to recognize him. When he finally did, he smiled and Ryan got all gooey.

"He's grown up so much while I was in Berkeley… I feel like I've missed an entire year!" Ryan said to Kirsten.

"When babies are this age, their development is real quick…" She explained to him.

"Hi Taylor, how are things?" Ryan talked to the third girl in the stairs.

"Hi Ryan! Kinda quiet as neither of you were around… But I like to have Kirsten all for myself. It's real nice to have a foster-mom! But tell me, how is Berkeley?" Taylor said, flashing Ryan a dazzling smile that he didn't notice.

Sandy picked the bag that Ryan was holding and took it upstairs. He'd let them catch up. Lucky him. He didn't stay to see Seth's being crushed by Summer.

"Hi, Summer. You look beautiful." It was all that he managed to say.

"I know. My new boyfriend said so earlier". Summer said with an evil grin. She would make Seth regret not trusting her for the rest of his life if she could. And she continued her way downstairs, rapidly followed by Taylor and Kirsten, who couldn't do much except shrug.

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Summer hurried to the patio, looking for safety in the form of Anthony. She nearly had melted when Seth had given her such a fascinated gaze. Luckily, she'd got her wit back soon enough to rub her new boyfriend in his face.

"Hi, baby. Hi, dad. I'm back." She walked towards the patio table and poured herself a glassful of wine. Taylor, who had followed her promptly, could not keep her mouth shut, as always.

"Poor Seth. You should have seen his face… Pure shock. I bet he's still there… Couldn't move".

"Who's Seth?" Anthony asked. Of course Summer hadn't bothered to tell him about Seth, seeing as she had been determined not to frighten him telling about her long relationship with Seth and the silly way it had ended.

"Nobody!" Summer answered before Taylor could even open her mouth. But Dr. Roberts, not realizing what his daughter was trying to do, let the proverbial cat out of the bag.

"Seth is Sandy's son. He and Summer dated before they both went to separate colleges".

"Oh, really? Did they?" Anthony tried his best to disguise his irritation with Summer for not telling him.

Summer knew she had screwed up. Anthony should never have known about Seth. Especially not like this.

"When did my Summer become this cold hearted woman? What does she mean with her new boyfriend?!" Seth couldn't stop repeating the words… New boyfriend. Summer had a new boyfriend. How could she?

"Since she got fed up with you accusing her of cheating with Zach Stevens. She's moved on. And it seems like the new boyfriend is here for Thanksgivings". Ryan said as they walked towards the patio and he got a glimpse of the tall, brown-haired guy who could only be Summer's new boyfriend.

"I deserve this… All I ask myself is… How long is her vengeance gonna last?" Seth asked in a dramatic tone.

"Come on, Seth. You can still be friends if you manage to behave yourself".

As they walked through the doors, Summer saw them coming and threw herself in Anthony's arms, giving him a hell of a kiss. Seth's heart sunk. He couldn't bear to see her in another guy's arms.

"Oh my God… I definitely need a drink." Seth said as he rushed towards the drink's cart. Everybody seemed to think that the fact that Summer had a new, tall and handsome boyfriend was pretty normal. He just wanted that night to pass. All that happiness from seeing her again was gone in a minute.

"Taylor! Taylor!" Ryan called.

"Yes, Ryan?" Taylor answered, making a bee line towards them.

"Can you please look after Seth for a moment? I'm afraid he might do something stupid… I have the impression I heard the door bell… Let me go and get it." Ryan said.

"Did you say you've listened to the door bell?" Julie who had his back towards them had heard Ryan.

"Yup. I'm gonna get it. Are we still expecting someone to show up?" Ryan asked.

"Of course. Didn't Kirsten tell you that Marissa was on her way from Greece?" Julie said, as if it was old news.

Not letting her complete another sentence, Ryan rushed from the patio to the front door. He opened it and there she was.

"Marissa…" He said as he looked at her beautiful blue eyes, not believing that she was in Newport, even though she had said she'd never come back again.

Marissa blushed strongly. She'd never blushed in front of Ryan before. But when she saw the loving gaze he was giving her she felt ashamed of the fact that she'd even tried to move on without him. It was clear that he hadn't forgotten her, that he wasn't with Theresa. He clearly hadn't moved on. She could feel love radiating from his voice as he said her name.

She stared into his eyes and felt her heart skip a beat. She still loved him so much that it ached.

"Ryan… I…" She got cut off in her speech when he swept her into his arms, kissing her in a way that made her knees buckle. Marissa couldn't stop herself from responding to the love of her life's passionate kiss.

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Nothing could ever have prepared Ian to the scene he saw when he got out of the cab in front of the Cohen's house.

His Marissa was entwined to the guy who had answered the door in what seemed like a loving embrace and she seemed to be sobbing in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan closed his eyes. All he could hear was her heart beating against his chest. All he could feel was her and how much he'd missed being that close.

When their lips parted, he noticed that Marissa had tears running down her face. He tried to shush her.

"Shhh… It's ok, babe… I'm here." He said as he ran his right hand through her golden hair, trying to soothe her. However, it didn't seem to be working. She was now actually starting to sob.

"I'm sorry, Ryan… I'm so sorry…" He didn't get it. Why was Marissa crying so hard and apologizing?

"We're gonna be alright… Don't be sorry. You're back. And I won't let you go…" He whispered in her ear.

Thoughts flew past Marissa's mind as Ryan tried to soothe her.

She knew she had every reason in the world to be sorry. He didn't. She also knew they wouldn't be alright. He didn't. She thought she was prepared to see Ryan again and act civilized around him. How wrong she had been.

She also had thought that Ryan had moved in with Theresa and the baby by now and never had she considered the possibility that he'd wait for her like a white knight in shining armour. And here she was, only to break his heart all over again.

How was she supposed to tell him about Ian? It'd be so much easier if he'd moved on too. She had to. She could only hope he'd understand.

Speaking of Ian, she thought, too afraid to turn around and see if he'd gotten out of the cab, she'd just betrayed the trust of the guy who had cherished, respected and taken care of her since her first day in Greece…

Alongside with that, she'd hid her entire past from him and now it was coming back at full throttle to haunt her. And it only made the explanations-to-be-given much more difficult.

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In the meantime

"Have I heard it right, Julie? Is Marissa here? When in the world were you planning to tell me?!" Summer whined to Julie.

"I told Kirsten. I guess she didn't have time to spread the news… Ryan will be surprised; he just went to the door to get her." Julie smiled. Her daughter and her former boyfriend had seemed so miserable apart that she'd decided not to obstacle them again if they wished to be together.

"Oh, my God! Oh my God… He'll definitely be surprised…" Summer whispered to herself, as the fact that Marissa also had a new boyfriend dawned on her and she ran from the patio before you could say Jack Daniels.

By the time she got to the front door, the shit had already hit the fan. Marissa and Ryan were holding each other, and her friend was crying and mumbling words she couldn't understand.

When she looked beyond the pair, Summer saw one of the most handsome guys she had seen in her life. He was about six feet tall, white complexion and strong arms and had the most confused look on his big green eyes. The stranger, who probably was Ian, seemed as if he'd just been hit by a train.

"Coop? Atwood?! What is going on?" Summer asked, pretending not to know what was going on. She had to act quickly.

The couple stared at her, parting from each other, looking like kids who had just got caught in the act. Marissa finally deciding to acknowledge Ian's presence turned around and froze when she saw Ian staring at her, wide-eyed and looking like he was making a great effort to keep his mouth shut. At least he didn't look mad, she thought. Ryan, also realizing that there was a second and a third person in the "room", eyed Ian suspiciously. Who the hell was this guy?

Summer walked straight to Ian, wondering how she was gonna help Ryan and Marissa out of this awkward situation. She could only hope Ian hadn't caught her friend and Ryan doing nothing more than holding each other and crying. She could only hope they hadn't been actually doing anything beyond hugging.

"Hi there! You must be Ian! I'm Summer, Marissa's best friend". Summer said, flashing him a sympathetic smile. Poor guy, he seemed unaware of the mess he was about to get himself into, Summer thought to herself.

"Yeah, I'm Ian. It's a pleasure to meet you, Summer. Are you the host of the dinner?" Ian asked, minding to have manners despite his shock at Marissa and that guy scene.

"No, I'm not. Ryan here, my ex-boyfriend and his parents are." Summer said as Ian stared at her, probably asking himself why in the world would someone want to spend Thanksgivings with their ex. Ian seemed about to say something to Marissa as he made a move to climb the doorsteps but Summer was quicker.

"Hey girl, didn't you miss me too? Is it all about Ryan? Is he your best friend now?" She said to Marissa, emphasizing the word friend, hoping she'd follow her lead. Ryan assumed that Summer had been drinking. What was this crazy _friend_ talk supposed to mean?

"Hey Sum…" Marissa said as she moved towards Summer and gave her a hug. "I don't know what's gotten into me, babe. I guess I got all emotional for being back in Newport…" She said, smiling sheepishly at Ian. She guessed by his curious-concerned expression that he hadn't seem them kissing.

"Are you ok, now, honey?" Ian asked, smiling at her, still worried.

"Never better!" Marissa said as she wiped a tear that insisted to streak down her face and managing to smile back.

"I didn't think you'd make it! I'm so happy you're here!" Summer said, smiling hysterically at Marissa, wondering why Ryan hadn't reacted yet to the whole "babe" and "honey" thing between her and Ian.

"We're happy to be here too, Summer. Aren't you gonna introduce your other friend to me, Marissa?" Ian asked, without a hint of suspicion in his voice.

Living with Marissa had taught Ian that she wasn't very stable. He loved her anyway. Sometimes she'd suddenly burst into tears for no apparent reason and seeing as she'd never told him why she'd moved to Greece, he could only guess that it had to do with the reason why she'd left Newport. He knew it had to be something painful, hence he'd never pressed the topic. However, he would have if he'd known the reason was the man right in front of him.

Marissa inhaled a deep breath. She didn't know how she would face Ryan. He hadn't moved a muscle since Summer's arrival. She looked into his eyes and she saw so much hurt, Ryan seemed so lost. She could only hope her voice wasn't too shaky as she spoke.

"Ian, this is Ryan. Ryan, this is Ian." She introduced them, not daring to say the word boyfriend in front of Ryan.

"It's nice to meet you, Ryan." Ian smiled at Marissa's friend in an absolutely non-threatening way. It was obvious to Ryan that if this guy was really Marissa's boyfriend, he hadn't seem them kissing neither knew who he was; otherwise he wouldn't be so sympathetic to the guy who had every interest in stealing his girlfriend back.

"Welcome to Newport, Ian." Ryan said as he shook Ian's hand.

"Awkward." Summer whispered to Marissa. Marissa rolled her eyes. It was awkward, indeed. But it could have been much worse and she well knew it.

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"You were taking so long to go back inside that I've decided to come and check." Kirsten said as she showed up at the door, with little Aiden in her arms. "Hi Marissa! It's so good to see you, dear. You came back for good?" She smiled at the girl, not failing to notice that something had just happened. Marissa and Ryan looked guilty as hell and Summer looked simply relieved.

"It's great to be back, Kirsten, but it's not for good. At least not yet". Marissa said, not managing to keep herself from looking sideways at Ryan, with the impression that she'd just seen him smiling to himself. "Who's this adorable baby?" She asked, finally looking at the bundle that was Aiden Atwood all wrapped in a warm blue baby blanket.

"Don't you recognize these blue eyes, Marissa?" Kirsten asked.

Marissa opened her mouth in astonishment. She had completely forgotten about Ryan's baby. The night had been so eventful so far that she couldn't even remember that Ryan's baby could be there. She wondered if Theresa was around as well, feeling her heart sink. It'd be well deserved for her if she was. The baby had the same piercing blue eyes as his father and hadn't taken after Theresa at all. And he was smiling his toothless mouth at Marissa. She felt her heart melt. He looked so much like the baby she once dreamed of having with Ryan.

"Hi baby! Oh my God, he's so little…" And she smiled at him. "Can I hold him?" She asked Kirsten.

"Sure you can, here he goes". And Kirsten handed Aiden to Marissa.

"So, this beautiful baby's yours, Ryan?" Ian asked.

"Yes, he is. His name is Aiden, by the way. Aiden Atwood." Ryan said, looking proud of his son.

"Do you like auntie Marissa, Aiden? Auntie's gonna spoil you when you grow up, won't she?" Marissa looked fascinated at the baby boy in her arms. She didn't notice the loving look that both Ryan and Ian had on her, both imagining if she would be the mother of their sons someday.

"Now let's all go inside that I have a Thanksgivings dinner to throw! I'm Kirsten, by the way". She spoke to Ian, seeing as no one introduced him to her.

"I…" Ian started to respond. But Marissa broke his speech.

"Sorry, Kirsten! I completely forgot. This is Kirsten Cohen, Ryan and Seth's mother. Kirsten, this is Ian, my boyfriend". She saw Ryan making a face when she said the last word.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Cohen." Ian smiled that beautiful smile of him.

"My pleasure. Please call me Kirsten". Kirsten smiled back at him, trying to hide her dissatisfaction with the idea of Marissa having a new boyfriend. She was hoping that she and Ryan were going to settle things this Thanksgivings, not make them even more complicated.

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Ryan went straight to Seth's room. He needed air. He felt like he might suffocate from all the pain in his heart. How could Marissa be with someone? How could she have moved on when he clearly hadn't? He'd felt the same way when he saw her in the doorsill as he had when they'd said their goodbyes, three months ago. Maybe he loved her even more now. He took another sip from the whisky he had poured himself before going upstairs.

She had told him that they both needed to move on but he hadn't believed her. He kept thinking she'd be back at any minute. He could never imagine she'd bring a boyfriend with her. Ian seemed to be so in love with her that he was willfully blind to the fact that his girlfriend had just been in another man's arms.

Everything had happened so quickly. She had corresponded to his kiss, even though she hadn't said she still loved him. Well, it wasn't like they had any time to talk after the kiss… Summer and Ian had interrupted them.

He had even tried to be mad at her for being with this Ian guy but couldn't. He felt hurt, indeed. But he also felt guilty for her departure in the first place and for everything that happened as a consequence of Theresa's pregnancy…

When he saw Marissa holding his son with such a loving look on her face, he realized he couldn't muster to be angry with her. She had every right to not even want to see his son with another woman, yet she'd asked to hold him and seemed in love with little Aiden. All he could do was staring at them, with a silly look on his face. Until Summer hit him with her elbow and told him to snap out of it.

He needed to be with her. They definitely needed to talk. He needed to know if she still wanted to be with him but was afraid of her answer. He needed some liquid courage so he kept drinking until the glass was empty.

When his whisky was finished he went downstairs to get a refill in the living room's bar. He didn't really feel like going back to the party. It wasn't like he'd get a chance to speak to Marissa there.

He poured himself a glass. He heard a giggle. He turned around to see that Ian and Marissa had just entered the room, unaware of his presence in that corner.

"Say it again, baby. I just love to hear you say it…" Ian's purred, as he leaned to kiss Marissa.

"You need to ask again, you silly…" And he saw Marissa smile broadly to him.

"Marissa Cooper, will you marry me?" Ian asked.

"Yes, Ian Davis. One day I'll marry you". Marissa said and Ian grinned.

Ryan grimaced. They seemed like a perfectly happy normal couple. How mistaken he had been. Maybe Marissa had kissed him back because she barely had time to react. He felt like a fool.

Ryan could never imagine that Marissa was acting out of pure guilty towards that poor loving guy who'd almost caught them kissing so he wouldn't suspect her nor him. She didn't want to ruin Kirsten's party.

"I'm so happy that I've finally met your family and friends". Ian said, staring at his girl, never tiring of her beauty.

"Are you? I'm glad you all seem to be getting on well." She replied. Ryan kept listening in.

"Baby… I was just curious… Don't answer if you don't want to, ok?" Ian asked her, in a cautious tone. Ryan thought he knew what was coming. He tried not to make a sound.

"Ask away, honey." He saw Marissa take a deep breath.

"What was going on when I got out of the cab? Why were you and Ryan hugging and you were crying so hard? It's not that I'm jealous, I just felt concerned and curious, too, to tell you the truth." He chose his words carefully; Marissa sighed.

"I was wondering when you'd ask… I don't know… I guess it was because, please don't be jealous, he was my first real boyfriend and we used to be real close and I had mixed feelings when we met. Our lives have changed so much… He has a son now and we hadn't seen each other in months…" She tried to explain the unexplainable.

"I'm not jealous but… Don't you think you still have feelings for him, Marissa?" Ian asked in a calm tone. He really wasn't the jealous type. Ryan felt his heart race as he waited for the answer.

"Nope. Not at all. When I said feelings I meant friendship and longing, that's all." Marissa said, trying to mimic Ian's tone.

The next thing Marissa saw, behind Ian, in the far corner of the living room, was Ryan rushing towards the stairs, carrying a bottle of whisky, oblivious to the fact that she had lied to her boyfriend so their encounter could remain a secret.

Marissa had never told Ian anything relevant about Ryan because she didn't want him to impose restrictions to her relationship with Ryan based on jealousy.

If Ian never had reason to suspect Ryan, maybe she and Ryan could talk about what happened later on this holiday. She felt like she ought to explain herself to him. And now that he'd heard this, it was more than necessary.

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By the time of dinner, Ryan had drunk almost the entire bottle of the Jack Daniels he had brought upstairs. He was sitting on Seth's bed when Taylor entered the bedroom, as always, without knocking.

"Hey… I knew I'd find you here. Everybody's in the patio with exception of you… Now come on, let's go there! Dinner'll be served in ten minutes tops." And she tried to drag him. He didn't move an inch. He looked up at her.

"I don't feel like going… This situation is weird to me, Taylor. Boyfriends and ex-boyfriends all together in the same house?! Like a big happy family?" He said, feeling bitter and sharing only because he was a bit too tipsy.

"Oh my God! You're soo still in love with Marissa." Taylor said, looking not so surprised.

"No, I'm not! She doesn't deserve it!" Ryan tried to deny it. He didn't need this whole mess to become public.

"Yes, you are." She said in a tired tone.

"I'm telling you, I'm not." Or at least he didn't want to be.

"Then, prove it". Taylor said, giving him a daring look.

"What do you mean, prove it? Taylor, I've had a few and I'm really not getting what you're saying…" Ryan said as she sat on the bed beside him.

"Be with someone else tonight. Show her that you've moved on too". She said, looking at him, giving him her sexy smile. She knew it was kinda low to make a move on him when he was kinda drunk and hurt, but they had to start somehow.

"And that someone would be…?" Ryan asked, noticing the leer on Taylor's face, still trying to decide if he was gonna follow her lead or not.

"That someone would be me, silly!" And Taylor winked.

"You're saying you wanna be with me tonight?" He asked. Maybe rubbing another girl right under Marissa's nose would make her realize how he felt when he saw her and Ian earlier. She'd seen him and she'd looked away.

"Can you possibly be so drunk that you can't have a conversation? Yes, that's what I meant…"

"Come closer…" Ryan whispered in Taylor's ear, finally making his decision.

Taylor shivered at his proximity. She'd always dreamed of the day when she'd finally get Ryan's attention. She leaned closer to him and he, holding her face with both hands, put his lips on hers in a warm, wet kiss… The next thing Taylor knew was that the whisky glass had fallen on the floor and that neither of them seemed to care. He was a hell of a kisser and she wasn't interrupting that moment even if there was an earthquake.

Ryan was aware of the fact that he was drunk. And he was also aware of the fact that he was probably gonna regret it later and also that Taylor wasn't Marissa. But it did feel good to have her in his arms. He hadn't been with anyone since Marissa's departure. He brushed his lips softly against Taylor's neck and felt her squirm. He traced a line with his tongue from her shoulder all the way to her ear lobe. She moaned.

"Ryan… Please…"

"You want me to stop?" He asked, even drunk and horny, he still managed to be a white knight.

"Don't you dare…" She said as she explored his body, running her hands through his rock hard chest… How could a guy be so hot, Taylor thought to herself.

He knew they were going way too fast. It'd been too long for him and Taylor sure was a sexy girl; her sweet perfume was driving him crazy with desire. Taking off his shirt, Ryan lied on top of her in the bed, rubbing his body against her. He felt ready to have her right there, even though they still had most of their clothes on. He lowered his mouth towards her breasts as she said his name in the midst of pleasure moans.

"Oh my God, Ryan…"

He carefully started to slid the upper part of her silk dress to expose her beautiful bosom.

"You do have beautiful breasts … Has anyone ever told you this?" he said, inhaling a deep breath as he looked down at her, sensuously licking her nipples while she dug her nails on his back, squirming as his tongue touched her.

"Actually…" She started talking but was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking at the door. "It isn't locked!" She whispered to Ryan, scared to death of being caught making out with Ryan in Seth's bedroom.

"Ryan? We sent Taylor looking for you and you two never showed up downstairs. Dinner's served. My mom and the Nana are pissed. I've come to get you." Seth's voice announced himself as he started to turn the door's handle.

Ryan bolted from the bed and tried to put his clothes back to their places. He refastened his belt and rushed to the bathroom before Seth came in. Taylor propped herself to a seating position in the bed and tried her best to settle and unwrinkle her dress, even though she was sure her hair was a total mess.

"Taylor?! Where's Ryan? Why haven't the two of you…" Seth said as he entered the room. But he interrupted himself to take a look at Taylor's state. "Oh my goodness… I can't believe you two were…" Before Taylor had the chance to speak, Ryan got back from the bathroom.

"Don't panic, Seth. Nothing happened in here. I've had too much whisky and wasn't well, that's why Taylor stayed. To help me." The minute he said he knew it was the lamest excuse he could've made.

"Oh, we call it helping these days? I need to update my making out vocabulary…" Seth said, giving Ryan an amused look. "Ok, guys. I won't tell anyone. Your dirty little secret is safe with me". He said. Taylor couldn't keep herself from giggling.

"Can you please give us a minute, Seth?" Ryan asked.

"I'll be at the door. Don't you dare start it again. It's Thanksgivings, you pervs!" He said as he retreated to the corridor.

Taylor got up from the bed, curious about what Ryan might have to say.

"Look Taylor, we were having a great time and…"

"But it was only for today, we won't be having a relationship, because you're still in love with Marissa and… Yadda yadda yadda." Taylor babbled.

"As I was saying, if Seth hadn't interrupted us maybe we'd have had an even better time… But I don't want you to regret it afterwards." He said, looking dead serious.

"Doesn't matter. We were interrupted right on time". Taylor said. She surely didn't have her hopes high with him.

"Will you shut up for five seconds?" He asked, and got a surprised look and a mouth shut as a response. "I wanna do this, if you do… I was enjoying myself, weren't you?" Ryan said, very close to her ear, in a husky voice. Taylor gave him an even more surprised look. He looked back and she saw desire in his eyes. Dear God, she thought.

"In case you haven't noticed, people are waiting for us downstairs… Thanksgivings, you know…" She actually thought she was dreaming. She'd wake up any minute.

"I know. I've heard you're living at the pool house… How about an after party together?" Ryan asked, and he was licking her ear again. He had to have her. He didn't know if it was vengeance or chemistry.

"Done. Can't wait."

With that settled, they met Seth by the corridor, who complained all the way downstairs about how boring and full of himself Summer's new boyfriend was and how she was gonna leave him and go back to him in a blink.

Taylor was so happy with herself that she had a huge grin on her face. She walked inside the patio beside Ryan and all faces turned to them instantly.

Ryan was still a bit drunk, but the fright Seth had given them had sobered him up a little.

Seth headed straight to the buffet and started to try and make conversation with Summer, who promptly ignored him.

When Taylor finished putting some pie on her plate, she headed towards the table were Marissa, Ian and Anthony were sitting. She felt people staring at her. She blushed.

Ryan sat at the table right after Taylor and accross Marissa. He knew she was staring at them. And indeed she was.

It had been half and hour since Taylor had volunteered to bring Ryan back to the dinner table. Now they had come back, all flushed and Taylor didn't seem to be able to wipe off a silly smile from her face while they ate. Not to mention the fact that Taylor's hair had been up when she left and now it was completely loose, curling down her back. Marissa couldn't keep herself from analyzing every detail as she felt her insides twisting with jealousy.

She watched them talking and she knew that something was up, because she'd never seen Ryan and Taylor so close.

"Taylor". Ryan spoke so low that Marissa leaned in their direction to hear what he'd say.

"Yes…" And Taylor looked at him, completely enthralled.

"Would you mind getting me some dessert? I kinda drinked a lot… I could use something sweet…" He asked, using a friendly tone.

"Not at all, Ryan. I was about to go and get some for myself". Taylor said as she stood up.

That was when Marissa saw the wrinkles in the skirt of Taylor's pink silk dress. And it dawned on her what they had been up to. How could she be that stupid?

**A/N: I know you**** are probably surprised with the turn of the events in this chapter. Don't worry, though. It's still a Cooper-Atwood story. It's just that, being Ryan and Marissa, things are never that easy. This one was a long chapter, wasn't it? Next one will probably be shorter.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Coop? Are you alright?" Summer asked as she sat back on her place, beside Anthony. Her friend was so pale that it looked like she was about to faint.

Marissa blinked. She had been staring at Taylor's dress until the girl had left the table and she was still staring at the same place. She couldn't wrap her mind around what she'd just seen. That dress had been crinkled in all the right places.

"Marissa?" Ian asked, touching her arm lightly. She seemed to be so far away that he didn't want to frighten her.

"What?" She asked in an uninterested tone. She felt numb.

"Are you okay, babe? You look pale!" Ian asked, worrying if she was unwell.

Ryan had been watching Marissa's reaction in the last few minutes. It was obvious that she'd jumped at the conclusion that he and Taylor had not been simply fooling around. He'd seen her eyes switching from Taylor's hair to Taylor's dress and she looked completely aghast at what she saw. He couldn't help but smirk. Now she knew how he felt when he'd seen her and Ian together.

"Am I?" Marissa asked, fully aware that she probably was looking exactly how she felt. Shocked.

How could she have ever wished that Ryan would move on? She'd been fooling herself and she knew it. She felt so jealous that she could barely breathe. Why had he kissed her if he was already with Taylor? And why in the world did he have to rub it in her face? He looked far too happy with himself in doing so. She, on the other hand, felt miserable.

"Yes. Do you feel unwell?" Ian asked again.

"Yeah. I feel terrible, actually… Sum, do you have a minute?" She needed to get the hell out of that table before she started crying.

"Course I have a minute. Anthony, do you mind hanging out with the boys while I talk to Marissa?" Summer said, checking if her boyfriend would be alright in the company of three strangers.

"Not at all. Go ahead, honey." Anthony replied, with a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, honey. Don't worry about us. We'll be just fine". Seth said with a grin that definitely meant he was up to something. Anthony frowned at the word honey. Summer glared at Seth. How dare he use words of endearment with her in front of her new boyfriend? Had he completely lost it?

Marissa and Summer were leaving the patio towards the Cohen's living room when they bumped into Taylor. Summer couldn't help herself.

"How could you?" She blurted.

"Sum, really, it's not her fault…" Marissa said, before Taylor could say anything. She wasn't angry at Taylor. Taylor hadn't been the one who kissed her earlier. Probably she didn't even know about it.

"How could I what? Have fun? It's been months since I've been with someone and now Ryan finally noticed me! It's not my fault that Marissa happens to be here! Besides, her boyfriend is here as well! Why can't Ryan have a break from all the suffering _she_ put him through?" Taylor was mad. How could the friend of the ex-girlfriend of Ryan have any claim on him?

"Have you ever heard about that old rule that says: don't screw your friends' exes?" Summer was about to have a rage blackout.

"It's not like we've ever been friends, Summer. I have no say in this… Neither do you. Now come on!" Marissa tried to drag Summer into the hall. She was definetely pissed.

"Just in case you didn't notice, I'm in love with him, Summer. I have been since Marissa left him, broken as he was. I don't and I won't regret it". Taylor said as she spun on her heels, leaving Marissa and Summer staring at each other, speechless.

At the table, the boys were sitting, but not exactly communicating.

Ian was worried about Marissa. She hadn't been like this in a while. When she left the table she looked like she'd just seen a ghost. There was so much about her that he didn't know and it seemed to be dawning on him how much he didn't. He wanted to ask her all sort of things that he had kept himself from asking. It was clear to him that she was suffering from some sort of conflict. And that being there, in Newport, in that house, wasn't helping her at all. He could never guess that the reason of her conflict was sitting in front of him.

Anthony looked calm. And he was calm. He wasn't gonna pretend that the fact that Summer hadn't told him a thing about that ex hadn't bothered him. They didn't really have a chance to talk during the party. But maybe she hadn't thought that this Seth guy was important enough to be mentioned. She'd told him about that friend of hers, Marissa, however. She seemed to be exactly the way Summer had described her. Beautiful and troubled.

Ryan had been watching Summer and Marissa as they left and he saw the little exchange between them and Taylor. He wondered why Summer was so mad and Marissa wasn't. He watched Marissa dragging Summer inside the house while Taylor walked towards the table, bringing two plates of pudding with her.

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Seth was eyeing Anthony in a curious, impolite way. It was the first time in the party that he was alone with the new boyfriend without Summer around. He kept examining him, wondering what she saw in that guy, anyway? He'd assumed he and Summer would make up the first time they saw each other again. He'd assumed that Summer would've cooled down and forgiven him for all the insanities he had said about the Zach incident. He felt jealous. He had to know the enemy so he could bring him down, he thought to himself.

"So, Anthony, right? How have you and Summer met?" He said, ignoring Ryan beside him, shaking his head, praying that his brother wouldn't get himself in trouble. To everybody's surprise, Anthony was pretty amicable towards his girlfriend's ex.

"Right. Anthony We've met at USC. There was this crazy freshman party at her friends' dorm and there she was. She looked so beautiful that I couldn't help myself… I went for it." Anthony finished, without giving further details. But Seth wasn't done with him.

"Yes, Summer is a beautiful girl, indeed. Is that all you know about her? Ouch!" Seth yelled, as Ryan elbowed his ribs, trying to get him to shut up.

"Seth, look, I know you had something in the past and you're probably concerned by the fact that she's dating a complete stranger, she's your friend, but… You are aware that you're crossing the line, aren't you?" Anthony tried to be patient and polite, seeing as this guy had been drinking and all. Ian watched the exchange between the two guys he'd just met, wondering if this Summer girl was worth all that trouble.

"Anthony, will you please excuse Seth? He's not used to drinking and he talks too much when he does." Ryan said, swearing to himself that if Anthony managed to keep himself from punching Seth, by the end of the night he would do it.

"Did you even listen to him, Ryan? He doesn't even know her! Beautiful! That's all he can say about her!" Seth said, standing up and staring at Anthony. "Did you listen to me? You don't know her!" Anthony glared at him.

"I may not know her as you claim to. But Summer's with me now, which means that I have all the time in the world to get to know her in every way I please". And he shot a daring look in Seth's direction, standing up as well.

"Hi guys! What's going on in here?" Taylor asked Ryan as she arrived at the table, noticing the hostility between Seth and Anthony.

"Your friend's ex-boyfriend is making a fool of himself". Ian answered. Ryan couldn't agree more.

Summer and Marissa were sitting in the green couch in the TV room.

"Poor Taylor. And I said she was a skank! It's obvious that Ryan led her on… She's in love with him. He felt jealous. He had to get back at you… He was drunk, one thing led to another…"

"I couldn't stand to look at her dress, Sum. I know they did it. Doesn't really matter who talked who into it…" Marissa felt distraught.

"It's not like that and you know it, Coop. You said he heard you telling Ian that you had no feelings for him. It must've hurt him. Not to mention the fact that you've moved on and he didn't…"

"Did I look that convincing?" Marissa asked, smiling sadly.

"Well, you did bring a handsome boyfriend who's taller and broader than Ryan and that only has eyes for you. What else could've been more convincing?"

"The fact that I kissed him back…" Marissa said in a very low voice. Summer nearly choked her wine.

"You did what? When were you planning to tell me that there was a kiss?"

"I thought you had noticed… We were so shaken when you showed up at the door… I assumed you knew it."

"Ian didn't see it... Did he?" Summer asked, suddenly worried.

"I guess not. At least he didn't act as if he did."

"No harm done, then. All I'm wondering is, how you're gonna explain to him…"

"Sum, you're not getting it, are you?"

"You know I can be kinda slow sometimes…" Summer smiled, apologetically.

"Which part of I'm not over Ryan you didn't get, Sum? I kissed him back, I feel jealous... I haven't had sex with Ian…" Marissa was saying but Summer broke her off.

"You haven't what?! You said you'd moved in with him, I kinda assumed that…"

"I can't… When things get really hot, I can't stop myself from thinking about Ryan… Ian's been very patient, you know. He doesn't know why, maybe he thinks I have been through something…"

"Coop, you know you've gotta do something about this. I'm gonna call Atwood and you're gonna work it out. It's obvious you're still in love with each other…"

"I can't, Sum… When I think that he's been with someone else…" And her eyes welled with tears.

"But you're with someone else yourself, Coop!"

"But not in that way… I can't…" Tears were now streaking down her face.

"You know this is all your fault, don't you?" Summer asked, impatience finally getting the best of her.

"What?! You're saying that it's justified?"

"Coop, you've been away for three months. Taylor herself told me that he hadn't been with anyone. If you hadn't gone to Greece, none of this would've happened…"

"I chickened out, Sum. I didn't feel mature enough to have a boyfriend who has an ex who has a baby with him… I don't, actually."

"You shouldn't have left. When we love someone, we stick with them through thick and thin, Coop…" Summer said, as she thought about how silly she and Seth had been to break up over something that could have been solved through mere talking.

"I know I've let him down… Leaving broke my heart too. But I needed it… I still need time..." Marissa said, crying lightly.

"You're saying you're not settling…" Summer started to retort when Ryan bolted inside.

"Summer! You've got to do something! Seth and…" He was about to warn her that Seth and Anthony had been arguing about her but he broke his speech when he met Marissa's eyes, her face once again awash with tears. This time he knew why she was crying. And he'd never regretted doing something so badly as he did now.

"Atwood! Earth calling! Seth what?! What's going on?" Summer knew it must've been something serious, otherwise Ryan wouldn't have interrupted their talk.

"Sethleh just got his nose broken by your new boyfriend, Summer." The Nana said in a reaprochful tone as she walked inside the house, shaking her head.

Not waiting for further explanation, Summer dashed back to the patio, leaving Ryan and Marissa staring at each other.

Seconds later, Anthony entered the living room.

"Seth's right. I don't know Summer at all! Never did and never will!" He blurted to Ryan as he walked straight towards the front door. He seemed pretty pissed off.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys, first of all, I'd like to say a huge THANKS. ****I'm so happy to see that you're reading my fic and even bothering to review! Thanks, really! And DO review! I love constructive criticism. **

**Sorry for the delay, work's been pretty hectic these days. ****As a consolation, this one is much longer than the last one. Hope you like it! ******

Marissa and Ryan were still locked into each other's eyes, despite the whole fuss in the room.

Ryan felt remorse. He could see the sorrow in Marissa's big blue eyes as she stared at him, unable to say anything at all; her eyes still red from the tears she had shed because of him.

He'd let himself get carried away by the drinks and by Taylor's beauty. He knew he would regret it and still he'd done it. Making out with someone else and then rub it on Marissa's face hadn't been his brightest idea. Not to mention that he had used a girl that he did like, as a friend, and that didn't deserve it. He had been so mad with jealousy that he hadn't seen that his attitude had been childish and unfair to Marissa. When she moved to Greece, it was obvious that she would try to move on. He couldn't blame her for being with a guy that seemed to love her. He and him alone was the responsible for their relationship wreckage. She had even forgiven him about getting Theresa pregnant. He didn't know if she would forgive this. He knew he'd gone too far and that she probably thought that he'd gone even further. He wanted to talk to her, to tell her it had been a mistake, that he couldn't bear seeing her with Ian, to tell her he was sorry but he knew it was too soon. However, before he could stop himself, the words came out of his mouth.

"I don't know what to say…" He started. But she stopped him.

"There's nothing you could say to make this right, Ryan. Please don't." She looked at him in a way that made him not dare to say anything else.

If she had given him an angry look maybe he'd have argued with her, but the pleading look she gave him made him stop on his tracks. She looked so wounded, like she couldn't bear to talk about what happened. He knew she'd misunderstood him, but what was the real difference between making out and having sex, if it was with someone else? She'd every reason to feel that way. And could do nothing but feel sorry.

Marissa didn't know what to do. She wanted to yell at him and tell him how bad he'd made her feel. Seeing Taylor so happy and imagining she in Ryan's arms should have made her feel angry. But all she could feel was her heart breaking. She felt sad. She envied Taylor. She wished it had been her in his arms, the way it had been on the day she left Newport.

_Summer and Seth had just left the model home. She and Ryan were alone. She was supposed to go inside and change, so she did. __Asking Ryan to drive her to the airport seemed like a good idea at the time, but now… They were all alone in that house that marked the beginning of their relationship. So many memories of them flashed through her mind and she couldn't hold her tears any longer._

_Not being with Ryan and still being with Ryan as a friend since they found out about Theresa's pregnancy had been one of the hardest things in her life. She still loved him, she knew he still loved her. But they couldn't be together now. And she was the one that had to decide to leave, so both could carry on with their lives, despite their broken hearts._

_She didn't notice Ryan had entered the house and he walked in as she was changing her top. He stopped on his tracks, looking at her with the most confused look. _

"_I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't intend to walk in on you…" He said, trying to look straight to the floor. He looked embarassed. He didn't seem to know what to do. _

_She found his reaction funny, not bothering to cover herself. _

"_It's okay. It's not like you've never seen all of me before…" She said as she continued to strip and change clothes._

"_You're crying... Is everything alright?" He said, in a concerned tone, trying to focus on her face, instead of her body. She could see a mix of emotions passing through his face. She could tell he was struggling not to look at her changing, even though she said it was ok. Ryan couldn't help being a gentleman._

"_It isn't, actually. But things will be alright, eventually. I guess." She was trying very hard to be strong, but the tears rolling down her face weren't exactly helping._

_He walked towards her. He took her right hand and pressed it with both his hands. _

"_This house reminds me so much of us…" She said, and now she was sobbing. He dropped her hand and hugged her, ignoring the fact that she was wearing nothing but a blue tanktop and pink panties. She cried even harder, her face resting on his chest._

"_I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I did this to us…" Ryan whispered in her ear, and she felt a tear fall on her neck. _

"_Shh… I've forgiven you already, quit saying you're sorry…" She whispered back in his ear. "I just wish things were different… I never thought we'd end…" She said, crying, barely managing to say the last word._

"_Don't say it's over… I love you, nothing will ever change this." He said, looking into her eyes. It broke her to see him expose his feelings like that. Her Ryan wasn't a guy of much words. She knew he was only saying it because he was too desperate to make her stay._

_Small tears were streaking down both their faces. She didn't know what to do. All she wanted was to be in his arms. She felt like giving up the whole idea of going to Greece. She loved him so much. _

"_I think we should go…" She managed to say, before she changed her mind. He looked at her, blue fire burning in his eyes. It was the most loving look he'd ever given her. She felt a pang in her heart._

"_Marissa… Stay with me tonight…" He said, with a pleading voice._

_She didn't know what to say, but her mouth seemed to have a mind of its own, since the next thing she knew she was engulfed in an ardent kiss, her arms around his neck, his hands holding her tightly against him._

_They kissed desperately, as if the world was gonna end. No words were needed. They kept on kissing until they couldn't restrain themselves anymore._

_She helped him with his pants and he strip her of the tanktop, making a trail of kisses from her belly through her breasts unt__il his lips were on hers again._

"_Make love to me, Ryan. One last time…" She said, pressing her body against his. She needed him, she knew the only thing that could make this sadness go away was __having him inside her. He looked at her, wide eyed. She knew they got carried away and that maybe he thought they would only fool around and that she'd go back to her senses and stop it. But there was no way she would stop this. She'd never wanted him that much before._

"_It'll only make it harder for us, baby…" He whispered. She knew he was trying to control himself, she knew he wanted her. It was written all over his face._

_She took off her panties and stepped out of them, completely naked. He looked at her with desire, but made no movement._

"_It can't become harder than it already is. I wanna do this. I love you, we've done it before. I don't wanna regret missing this moment." She said, giving him a reassuring and loving smile._

_And they didn't miss it. They made love in the floor of the empty model home, passionately, many times that night. Ryan said he loved her more times than she could count. He proved how much he loved her, worshiping her body in every way. _

_She couldn't stop herself from crying lightly when it ended. He was right. It made things much more difficult__, it made her want to stay. She wanted to stay in that model home forever, with him, the problems locked outside. But she knew she couldn't._

_She never catched the plane that night. They made love, talked about their future. Ryan tried to make her not go, insisting that they were meant to go to Berkeley together. He even said he wanted to marry her. She told him again that she needed this time. She had to put herself together. They promised each other that if she ever came back, they would be together, no matter what. _

_However, as soon as the enchantement of the moment passed, reality dawned on her. Theresa phoned Ryan early on that morning, asking if he'd be available to acompanny her to some medical apointment. They had barely said anything to each other after that. _

_He took her to the airport and he looked so sad that she couldn't bear looking into his eyes. She was about to get out of the car. She stopped herself. She didn't want to leave things unsaid._

"_I don't regret it. I never will." She said, looking into his eyes._

"_Stay, Marissa. Please. We'll make this work." He begged._

"_I can't…"_

And before she could stop herself she was crying again, wondering how did they get into such a mess. She was coming very close to regretting that night now.

Ryan crouched in front of her in the sofa, a concerned look on his face.

"Please, don't be like this, you're killing me…" He spoke in a low voice, hoping she wouldn't snap at him.

"I haven't been with anyone since that day, Ryan." She said, in a hurtful voice. "And you jumped at the first opportunity…" She said, standing up to leave the room.

However, she never managed to leave the room. As soon as she stood up, Sandy and Kirsten rushed inside. Kirsten, who was holding little Aiden, headed straight to Marissa.

"Honey, would you mind looking after Aiden for a while?" She asked, while she offered the baby to Marissa. She sighed. That situation looked like it wasn't ending any time soon.

"Not at all." She said, smiling weakly. The night was too eventful for her own taste.

However, when Kirsten passed Aiden to her, she couldn't help but smile. That baby was the cuttest thing ever. She started babytalking to him and walked out of the living room with Aiden in her arms.

Ryan was watching her, completely distracted from Sandy, who was repeating the same question to him.

"Ryan, are you sober enough to drive Seth to the hospital? His nose seems pretty bad."

"Sure. I've had some pudding and lots of water. Did it really break?" Ryan asked. He wondered what Seth had said to make Anthony so furious.

"Neil is pretty positive. However, only a x-ray can tell for sure."

"Is he in the patio? I'll go and get the car keys." Ryan said and Sandy nodded.

"Yes. Kirsten and I will take care of everything here. After all, we still have guests." Sandy said as he and Kirsten went back to the patio.

Seth was sitting in a chair, whiter than ever. Summer was kneeling beside him, trying to convince him to put some ice on his nose.

"This hurts so much! Won't anyone take me to the hospital? Ouch! Can someone take this woman off me?" He complained as Summer touched his nose with the icebag.

"Stop complaining! You deserved it and you know it!" Summer snapped, still pressing the icebag.

"Sandy said he'd go inside and ask Ryan to drive you. I'm not sure it's a good idea, however, since he did drink a lot…" Taylor explained.

Ian and Taylor were back on their seats, after they've helped him to get up and called Sandy and Kirsten, who were in the kitchen in the moment Anthony attacked Seth.

"Come on, Cohen! Just another second with the ice won't kill you. Ryan'll be here soon. Look, your nose is bleeding again!" Summer said, her eyes wide.

"Dr. Roberts said it's broken… What a rude boyfriend you've found to replace me!" Seth complained, taking advantage of Summer's concerned tone. She sighed.

"Ex-boyfriend, after tonight… I guess." Summer said, sighing again. She had been willing to give Seth a lesson but Anthony surely had gone too far. A broken nose? What was he thinking?

"Can't say I'm sorry about it…" Seth said, giving her a smug smile.

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Seeing as Marissa never showed up again in the patio and Seth and Summer looked too involved in their talk, Ian tried to make conversation with Taylor.

"So, you are Ryan's actual girlfriend, right? Taylor, isn't it?"

"Yes, I'm Taylor. But no, I'm not his girlfriend, actually…" She said, smiling sheepishly.

"Oh, sorry. I just assumed it… You two kinda disappeared for a while and then you came back together and…" Ian stopped himself, realizing that he was talking about something that probably was kinda awkward for her.

"I wish I was…" She said, sighing heavily.

"Oh, I get it. You're one of those couples…" Ian said, meaning that she and Ryan were one of those couples who are always on and off.

"Nope. Seth and Summer are one of those couples right now, actually." She said, smiling at the scene in front of them. Seth was leaning to try and kiss Summer but she pushed him, even though she was smiling at him.

"Marissa said they used to be madly in love with each other and that they broke up for some silly reason. I don't think she should have brought this new guy she's seeing… It was very likely to end the way it did…" And Ian chuckled.

"That's how they are. They can't stay away from each other. I wonder who she thought she was fooling…" Taylor said.

"How long they've been together?" Ian asked, interested.

"I guess they are together since our sophomore year, in Harbor…"

"That's a long time! You and Ryan have had something going on since that time as well?"

"Nope. He and Marissa were still together at that time… Even though they were on and off through entire high school…" She said, failing to notice the growing curiosity in Ian's expression. "Actually, today was the first time he actually seemed to notice me! I don't know if we'll ever be together, seeing as he's been having such a hard time trying to forget Maris..." Finally realizing to whom she was talking to, she stopped herself from saying Marissa's name.

Ian gave her a inquiring look. However, before he could ask anything else, Ryan arrived at the patio.

"Come on, Seth. I've finally found the keys. Let's get this nose fixed." He said as he walked towards the couple.

"Is his nose gonna be crooked forever?" Summer asked, seeming to be deeply worried about this detail. Ryan registered the fact that she and Seth were holding hands and smirked.

"I don't know, Summer. Do you wanna come with us?" He offered.

"Nope. I don't really like hospitals and stuff. Just call me when you get back, ok? I'm gonna find Dad and Julie so we can call it night and go home." She said, giving Seth a tender peck as she started to head inside the house again.

"It's so good to have Summer back in my life…" Seth said, smiling to himself as he stood up to leave with Ryan.

Before Summer reached the door, curiosity took the best of Ryan.

"Hey, Summer." She turned around and he continued. "What did you say to Anthony to make him so pissed?"

"It's none of your business, Atwood! Aren't you supposed to drive Seth to the hospital?" She said, making a movement with her hand to shoo them.

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On their way to the hospital, Seth had a silly smile on his face, as the skirmish between him and Anthony passed his mind again, including the part in which what Summer had done something that meant the world to him.

"_You keep telling this to yourself… Sooner or later she'll come to her senses and when she does, she'll leave you in a blink!" He had replied when Anthony said he'd have all the time in the world to __get to know Summer._

"_And you say that, because…?"_

"_Summer will never be with a boring guy like you for the rest of her life! Look at you! You may be nice arm-candy but that's all. Not to mention that all you can talk about is yourself! I saw her yawning when the two of you were talking…"_

"_How dare you say that? You don't even know me!" Anthony was getting more and more irritated._

"_Of course I don't know you! But it's gotta be all about you? Always? I may not know you. But I know Summer and I know she still loves me. And that she'll never love a bastard like you! You're a rebound, that's all."_

"_You're asking for it, Seth! I'm gonna show you who's on rebound here…"_

_Before anyone could do something to stop them, they were on each other's throats. Seeing as he was the bigger and the broader, Anthony had the upper hand in the skirmish, and the next thing Seth knew, Anthony's big hand was hitting his nose with all its might. Then, he didn't feel anything at all._

_Seconds before he passed out, Seth heard Taylor scream. When he opened his eyes again, Summer was kneeling on the floor, his head lying on her lap and his nose was bleeding like hell. _

"_Oh my god, you're alive!" She smiled, but then she attacked him. "Never, ever do this again, Cohen!__ How could you faint? You pansy! You scared me!" And she hit him in the arm._

_Seth smiled to himself, as he noticed her worried tone. It had been worthy._

"_Where's Ryan? Why wasn't he here to defend me from evil Anthony?" He asked her, aware that he'd be enjoying the drama if the pain in his nose wasn't killing him._

"_Shh… He's with Marissa, I guess. Don't mention it in front of Ian." She whispered in his ear._

"_Where's Anthony? Did he leave?" Seth asked, not able to hold his curiosity any longer._

"_He did. I think he got on the first flight back to LA. It's a shame, really…" Summer said, not sounding sorry about it at all._

"_Besides the fact that he hit me, why did he leave?"_

"_I don't know, maybe because I screamed so hard at him that he was a monster and that he killed you…" She answered, sheepishly. He smirked. She continued. "The fact that I ran to check if you were alright instead of going to see if he was alright, also didn't help a lot…" _

_Also, Seth thought to himself, because Anthony had finally realized that Summer was still in love with him. He'd heard him saying it to her._

"_Don't be a baby, Anthony! Seth passed out. That's why I'm looking after him. You don't even have a bruise!" She'd said to Anthony, unaware that he was coming back to his senses. _

"_The reason why you're looking after him, Summer, is that you are still in love with this dork." He heard Anthony replying, in an impatient tone._

"_I'm not!" She said, not sounding very convincing._

"_Yes, you are. And the sooner you admit it, the better. That way, you won't drag another guy into this mess like you did with me!" Anthony said, and Seth heard heavy footsteps leaving the patio._

"She loves me." Seth said to Ryan, who had his attention on the road. "Are you listening? Summer loves me again!" Seth said, beaming, in spite of his nose.

"Yes, Seth. I did." Ryan's mind was drifting. He didn't know what would happen to him and Marissa now. He was worried they may never be the same again. And it was his fault. Goddamnit.

"Ok, I'm a selfish bastard." Seth said, aware that his brother probably had a lot on his plate with Marissa's new boyfriend around.

"Yes, you are." Ryan said, chuckling. That Seth.

"So, Marissa got herself a new boyfriend… Who would imagine she'd get over you so fast?" Seth said, with his usual elephant delicacy. "Who cares? You've had _sex_ with Taylor! Who would ever imagine _that_? Tell me all about it!" He continued to babble, ignoring Ryan's glare.

"First, I didn't have sex with Taylor. Second, she isn't over me, Seth." Ryan said. And he was surprised by his own confident tone.

"Hope is the last thing to…" Seth started.

"Shut up, Seth… I do have reasons to have hope".

"What happened? What is it that you haven't told me yet?!" Seth asked.

"We kissed."

"Ohmigod! How could you kiss Marissa and do Taylor in the same party?" Seth said, impressed.

"As I said before, Taylor and I didn't do it. Thanks for your interruption, by the way. We'd both regret it later." Ryan said, remembering that he still had to talk to Taylor. This was gonna be a long night.

"Why were you with her in the first place? Did you kiss Marissa before or after?"

"Before. Then, I saw her all lovey-dovey with Ian and I lost it… I drank too much, Taylor showed up, she's into me… She's hot… One thing led to another…" Ryan sighed.

"Then, Marissa and the entire party realized what you were doing and now she won't talk to you." Seth finished for him.

"Exactly. But worse. She actually told me she's never been with someone since that day in the model home…"

"As in she didn't have sex with the tall, blonde hunk?" Seth asked, not managing to hide his surprise.

"Yup. She also thinks me and Taylor did it. I think I've blown it for us…" Ryan sighed.

"Don't be like this, man. I've also thought that I had blown it for me and Summer and now look how happy I'm with a broken nose!" And he grinned. "Just find a way of explaining what happened to her."

"I tried. Right after Anthony hit you. She won't listen."

"Things are too recent, Ryan. She still loves you, that's what matters; she wouldn't be so hurt if she didn't." Seth said as Ryan pulled over the car in the Hoag's Memorial parking.

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Marissa was still sitting in the living room with Little Aiden in her ars when Dr. Roberts, Julie, Summer and Ian came inside.

"Honey, we're leaving. Are you staying with the Cohens tonight?" Julie asked, kinda hoping to play cupid, removing Ian and leaving her daughter to settle things with Ryan. She had noticed lots of glances and welled eyes through the night and all she could do was pray that Marissa and Ryan could come to an understanding.

"No, mum, I don't think it'll be necessary. I'm only looking after Aiden while Ryan and Seth are in the hospital. As soon as they get back I'll drive home."

"Do you want me to stay with you, babe? I don't know much about babies, but…" Ian offered. Marissa smiled sadly. There he was, another white knight and she felt sad for not loving him back.

"Thanks, baby. But no. I'll be home before you miss me. Is my bedroom ready, mum? Can Ian stay there?"

"Of course, honey. I'll take care of him. Don't worry! He'll be sound asleep by the time you get home." Julie said, smiling reassuringly.

"I'm going too, Coop. It's been a busy night! Please tell Cohen to call me as soon as he gets his nose fixed, ok?" Summer said, hugging her friend. "Good luck". She whispered in Marissa's ear, aware that she and Ryan would probably meet again that night.

"Bye, Sum. Let's do something tomorrow?"

"Sure! Call me and we can all go to the diner for breakfast!" Summer said as she left.

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Around one in the morning, Ryan and Seth entered the Cohens' home, trying very hard not to make any noise.

Seth rushed upstairs, saying he had to call Summer.

Ryan headed to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. As he walked towards the living room, he noticed the lights of the pool house were still on. He'd have a lot to explain to Taylor later, maybe even some apologising to do, but he knew he couldn't hold to his end of the promise they'd made earlier. At the moment it had been great, but now he was sober and aware of how much he'd hurt the girl he loved. He wasn't gonna do it again.

When he arrived at the living room, he found Marissa fast asleep on the couch, all curled up because of the cold. In front of her was Aiden's navy blue stroller, with Aiden sleeping in it as soundly as she was.

He approached them, checked if Aiden was really asleep, then leaned down to kiss his son lightly. He kneeled by Marissa's side and admired her. She looked so beautiful in that white summer dress… He kissed her forehead lightly as a feather and sat in the empty space on the couch, watching her sleep. He loved her so much. He just wished she'd forgive him.

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By the time Marissa woke up, it was a rainy dawn outside. She felt her heart skip a beat when she realized that Ryan was by her side, sleeping. She got up carefully. She didn't feel ready to talk with him if he woke up.

Ryan shivered when she got up of the couch. She walked towards one of the chairs in the living room and grabbed a white afghan. She covered Ryan with it, looking at his mouth with longing. Despite the fact she was hurt, she knew very well that she loved him more than she would ever love anyone in her life. The fact is, she thought to herself, love hurts. They'd hurt each other so much along their relationship. She knew she'd hurt him bad many times. But he still managed to love her, no matter what. And she still managed to love him, no matter what had just happened.

One last time, she thought to herself. Closing her eyes, she leaned down and put her lips on his, very softly. When she opened her eyes, Ryan was staring at her.


	7. Chapter 7

Ryan blinked. He felt sleepy. A blurry Marissa was blushing furiously in front of him. Was he dreaming? She had just kissed him. He'd felt it, even though it had been light as a feather. And it was the best thing he'd felt in months. Thousands of things crossed his mind but he was unable to say anything, he just looked at her, pleasantly surprised.

Busted, Marissa thought. Ryan had just caught her in a moment of weakness. There was no denying, what she had just done gave away her feelings for him, in spite of everything. She took a deep breath, aware that he was staring at her. She started to slowly back away from him, too embarrassed to face him. However, he moved faster than her.

Not allowing her to back away any further, Ryan slipped his left arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Not expecting his sudden move, Marissa lost her balance and fell on top of him on the couch.

"Ryan… I…" She couldn't look him straight in the eye now and she couldn't find the words to justify that kiss.

There was no way he was going to let that opportunity pass. Only God knew when he would have her in his arms again, looking as vulnerable as she did now. Gently pulling her closer, he kissed her. A long, soft, deep kiss.

God, she'd missed him, Marissa thought to herself. She couldn't keep herself from kissing him back, the thought that she'd been mad at him few hours ago never crossing her mind. She felt one of his hands caressing her back and the other pressing her tightly against him, as if he was afraid she would flee if he let go of her. When their lips parted, he kissed her neck, and, as moan of pleasure escaped her lips, she realized he didn't need to worry. There was nowhere she'd rather be.

It felt like heaven. Kissing her again, knowing it didn't have to end, and knowing she wanted it too. They could keep on kissing until their lips went numb, as far as he was concerned. He loved her and couldn't believe she'd finally decided to show him she still loved him back.

Things heated up quickly. She could feel his excitation against her body and she knew he was ready to take her right there. And, by God, she wanted to be taken. She'd wanted this from the first moment their lips touched in the front door. She'd wanted this everyday since the day she left.

She felt his hands gently sliding down her sides until they reached the end of her white dress, his lips never leaving hers.

He lifted her dress, his hands moving up slowly, feeling the warm touch of her bare skin. He felt her shake with his touch. It had been too long, he thought. While he nuzzled her neck, his hands traced a pattern from her thighs to her bottom, his hand knead her lower cheek and he held her hips, pressing her against him.

Her hands were so busy stripping off his shirt that she couldn't help squirming when she felt him sliding down her lacy panties. She couldn't care less if they were in the middle of the Cohen's living room. She wanted him so badly. She'd missed his touch. He was breathing heavily against her as they kissed, rubbing his cock against her. She knew he had to have her as much as she had to have him.

Ryan took a deep breath. He tried to slow his pace. He didn't want her to think of this as a quickie. He wanted to give her all the pleasure he could. He switched positions with her, so she was with her back on the couch and he lay on top of her, nuzzling her neck all the way down to her breasts. He licked her nipples slowly and he felt her wriggling under him. But he wasn't done yet. He put the upper part of her dress back on its place, and she gave him a questioning look. She felt his hands lifting her dress and there she was, legs spread, nude. She was his and all she wanted was to be claimed.

He reached down between her legs and rubbed her wetness with his fingers. She was more than ready for him. He slid one finger inside her and she moaned loudly. He put his lips on hers to shush her and slid another finger, feeling her breathing become uneasy as he moved his hand in and out of her.

Marissa knew she was about to come. A wave of pleasure was taking her when she felt him removing his fingers from her. She opened her eyes, giving him a bewildered look. He smiled to her, reassuringly.

And he resumed kissing her, this time starting from the back of her knee through her inner thighs, until she felt his warm tongue touching her. They'd never done this before. She didn't even know he knew how to do it. But he sure did. He made circles with his tongue inside her while he rubbed her nub with his fingers. His fingers and tongue were driving her crazy. She felt that wave coming again and this time he didn't stop. Her heart was beating faster and faster and she came on his mouth.

"Ryan… I… I love you…" She uttered, her hands grabbing his hair.

He felt her shaking and her uneasy breathing and he knew she'd just had it. He wanted to be feeling the same as her, to be inside her. She was smiling to him, a inviting look in her face as she spread her legs further. He had to be the reasonable one, seeing as she seemed to have forgotten where they were and he knew they'd already gone too far.

He lied on top of her and whispered in her ear.

"Baby… We're in the middle of the Cohen's living room… I wanna finish this, but I'd rather not be interrupted…" There was no response. She kissed him, licking his lips in a provocative way.

"I mean it, Marissa…"

"Where?" She asked, in a sweet impatient tone as she slid her hands down his abs, beginning to unbuckle his belt, a mischievous look on her face.

"Can't go to the pool house, can't go to Seth's bedroom…" He said as he quickly thought of a way they could finish what they'd started.

They dashed inside the downstairs bathroom, the only place available, never letting go of each other.

Ryan couldn't wait another second to have her. He removed his pants and slid down her panties for the second time. He pushed her with her back against the wall, moving her dress up as he lifted her in his strong arms. He felt on fire as he easily slid her onto his cock, feeling her so wet and warm that he almost couldn't hold himself.

She wrapped her legs around him and he thrust desperately inside her, whispering in her ear that he loved her. She could do nothing but moan his name.

Ryan could feel his climax building, her moans in his ear arousing him even more. When Marissa threw her arms around his neck, abandoning herself there, not able to hold a loud sigh, he knew she had climaxed and he let himself go, inside her. His legs failed him and they almost fell on the bathroom's floor. He pulled himself out and kissed her, tenderly. She let out a soft giggle.

"What?"

"If anyone had told me how this Thanksgivings would end, I wouldn't believe it… Is this real, are we dreaming? I'm just happy to be here, you and me, you know…" She said, kissing him lightly.

"It could be real, Marissa. All you have to do is stay…" He started, hopeful that what had happened would've changed her mind about them.

"Shsh… Please don't ruin this." She broke him off, pressing her index finger against his lips, a sad smile on her face as she reminded again why they couldn't be.

"Please, just let me say something…" He felt the need to explain to her, never realizing he'd just reminded her of him and Taylor

She sighed. The magic was gone, real life was back. There they were, about to hurt each other one more time.

"Please don't, Ryan. I know what you're gonna say and you can really spare the speech where you say she means nothing for you, that it was just sex and that you love me and not her." She spoke, her voice full of hurt.

"But it's true…" He said, meaning the last part was true, in an almost inaudible voice, asking himself what had gone so wrong.

"I missed you so much that I gave in to an impulse, Ryan… We both know we shouldn't have done this…" And she gestured towards their clothes on the floor.

"Are you saying you regret it?" He asked, feeling a pang when she said those words with a shameful tone.

"I do. I didn't mean to hurt you again… I should've never kissed you like that… I'm sorry." She said as she finally located her panties and started putting them on. She knew she had to get the hell out of there before it got worse.

"I love you, Marissa. Don't you understand when I say it? I wanna be with you, damnit!" He yelled, and she, who was heading towards the door, turned to him and spoke in a low voice.

"I can't, Ryan. Even though I love you. I still need to fix my life, to become strong for myself. And you can't be with me either. Aiden is stil very little and he needs you and so does Theresa. You need to finish college and I don't even feel ready to go. All we did so far was wreck each other's lives. You'll be better off without me." She said, her voice shaking. A tear drop streaking down her beautiful face.

And she left. Releasing a deep sigh, he put his clothes back on and left the bathroom to go looking for her. By the time he reached the living room, he heard a car engine starting. He couldn't believe she was leaving him again.

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Taylor took a deep breath. She had been standing in the doorsill of the pool house for the last five minutes and she had seen Marissa rushing out of the house like a bat out of hell, a car engine starting and Ryan following her, too late to convince her to stay. At least now she finally knew why he had never showed up at the pool house that night.

Realizing that Ryan didn't come back through the door towards the living room, Taylor guessed he was probably standing at the front door, looking at the street with a sad look on his face, waiting for Marissa to come back and say sorry for whatever argument they've just had. Even though she was still in her PJs and still pissed at him for his no-show, she had compassion. Marissa probably had broken his heart into pieces again, she thought to herself as she walked inside the house and towards the front door hall.

Seeing as there was nobody in the hall, she walked towards the only possible direction apart from the stairs, the kitchen. She felt a twinge in her heart when she finally found him. She didn't know what she could say to make him feel better.

He was sitting in one of the kitchen stools, his head in his hands, elbows on the counter. Noticing he hadn't acknowledged her presence, she touched his back lightly.

"Ryan? Is everything alright?" She asked in a sympathetic voice.

"Yup. Just fine. Thanks." He said in a low voice.

"Come on, Ryan. I've just seen Marissa leaving the house in a hurry and then I saw you chasing her, but it looks like you weren't fast enough… So, don't tell me it's fine because I know it isn't."

"I don't really wanna talk to _you_ about it, Taylor. I know that I owe you an explanation and probably an apology too and…" Ryan knew she was trying to be nice to him, but his heart had just been shattered all over again and he felt like shit at the moment, meaning he didn't want to talk at all. As usual, Taylor broke him off.

"She did it again, didn't she?" She had just noticed a hickey in Ryan's neck and by the looks of it, he and Marissa had relapsed. "Don't wanna talk? Fine. I'm gonna make you some coffee, hope it makes you feel better." She said, impatience getting the best of her. How could she be in love with a guy who was still so entangled in another girl's mess?

After a few minutes, she handed him a cup of coffee. Ryan finally smiled. Taylor was a nice girl, he thought to himself. She'd every reason to be mad at him, seeing as he jilted her and hooked up with another girl in the same "night" and still she'd just brewed him coffee and had a compassionate smile on her face.

"Do you want me to wake Seth? You _do_ look like you need to talk, Ryan, even if it isn't with me."

"Yeah. Call Seth. He'll talk about himself nonstop and then I'll feel a lot better." Ryan said, chuckling.

"Do you think I should? It's still a bit early… I could talk about myself instead. Would it make you feel better?" She offered.

He checked his watch. It was five a.m. He had spent more than one hour with Marissa. He thanked God silently for the fact that they didn't get caught. He felt a warmth inside him as he remembered the moments they'd just spent together. Like she'd said, they could've never had predicted how this Thanksgivings would end. She had slipped right through his hands. Again. Absent-mindedly, he flipped his cell phone open and dialed her number.

"Earth calling! I can't believe you're gonna call her!" Taylor said, snapping her fingers in front of him. He closed the phone and looked at Taylor, sheepishly. It was pretty obvious that, if Marissa was the one that ran away, she should be the one to call and apologize.

"I'm sorry." He said, and he meant it. He'd never intended to use her and it was exactly what he'd done and there she was, willing to help and listen to him.

"For what exactly? For leaving me waiting the entire night? For using me to get back at Marissa? I'm sure it wasn't personal! No offense taken." She heard herself say in a furious voice. She didn't even know when she'd earned the right to demand explanations from him. It wasn't like they'd something, even though she wished they had.

"I didn't mean to. You are a good girl…" He was at a loss for words.

"Right. I'm just not good enough to get your attention… All she had to do was snap her fingers..." Taylor said, sadly.

"I'm sorry I didn't show up, but I couldn't. She already thinks we did it... She was miserable when she saw us coming back from Seth's bedroom together, didn't you see it?" Marissa's swollen face by tears appeared in his mind, the way it was when he went to get Summer in the living room and he felt a pang of regret.

"Ryan, she's got a boyfriend now! What is the claim she still has on you? You can't be so in love with her that you don't see that she's playing games with you…" Taylor was definitely pissed now. Marissa had the right to feel sad about the fact that Ryan was trying to move on, but to rub her misery on his face to get his sympathy seemed a bit low to her, Taylor thought.

"I'm not in love with her, Taylor. I love her. That's the claim she has on me. I can't stand to see her suffer. I couldn't resist when she kissed me and that's why I relapsed!" He said and he realized he was furious he had done it.

"She kissed you?" Taylor was agape.

"I was sleeping on the couch, beside her and I woke up and she'd just kissed me. After that, the whole thing just went downhill..." He said, sighing.

"A girl who kisses a guy in his sleep isn't playing games… She's still in love with you and you're still in love with her. All I'm wondering is: what am I still doing here?" Taylor said, the last part more to herself than to him.

"You're filling for Seth while he doesn't wake up. Thanks, by the way." Ryan said, failing to notice the distressed look on her face as she stated the obvious.

"Where does that leave the two of you? You were supposed to have moved on, but you've relapsed… Is she leaving her boyfriend to be with you?"

"I don't think so. She repented it as soon as we did it. I tried to talk her out of going back to Greece but all she could say is that we've hurt each other too much and that it's best if we remain apart."

"She's right." Taylor said, simply.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning Theresa, meaning Volchek, meaning Johnny, Oliver, Alex… The drinking, the fighting…" As she said it, she realised that, even though Ryan had knocked up Theresa, Marissa had done all sort of things to hurt him and he had remained loyal and in love with her. He can't love another girl, she thought to herself. "I kinda agree with her, Ryan. I know you love her and all, but maybe a new life without Marissa's mess could be just what you need."

"You know what I really need right now?" He said, yawning. He knew that Taylor was right about most of what she'd said. Which meant that Marissa was right in a way, too. Maybe this was for the best and some day they would be able to start things fresh. Maybe he should let her lick her wounds on her own for a while. He had a few of his to lick, as well. Now he had some food for thought.

"Guess I do. The bed in the pool house is all yours. I'm gonna shower and go for a jog by the beach." She said as she walked back to the pool house and he followed her. She had a lot to think about, Taylor thought to herself. She had to do something. She wasn't going to stay here and watch Ryan suffer for Marissa all over again while she suffered for his attention.

Ryan spread himself on the bed, taking off his shirt. He needed a shower, too. But first he needed to get some sleep. He saw Taylor closing the blinds and leaving the pool house, unusually silent.

Finally left on his own, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Marissa and about all the things she didn't let him say. Even though Taylor's advices were on the back of his mind, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about her smell, and about the way she gave herself to him so intensely. Only to regret it.

He knew the main reason she regretted what they did was because she thought he'd been with Taylor. She felt like he'd betrayed her even though she didn't have the right to. He had to tell her that nothing happened. Maybe she would've calmed down and would let him say something. Maybe she'd changed her mind. One thing he knew for sure: he wouldn't be better off her and if she said so, she could wreck his life as many times as she wanted to, as long as she stayed with him.

He decided he wasn't going to let her go leaving that much unsaid between them. Getting his cell phone from the side table, he dialed Marissa's number. All he reached was her voicemail.

**A/N: Thanks. =) For all the visits and the reviews. ****This one finally justifies the M rating… Hope you liked it. I'd never thought that writing a sex scene in another language would be so complicated… =P Please DO review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Wow! I guess this was my quickest update…**** Thanks again for the reviews! =) Hope you enjoy this one.**

"Hi! It's Marissa. You know what to do!" He heard her voice and he knew he'd miss hearing it for a while. He knew she had turned off her phone on purpose. Which meant she didn't want to hear from him now and maybe she wouldn't for a while. When he heard the beep, he decided she would listen to him, sooner or later.

"Huh… I-I don't know when you're gonna listen to this and… I have no idea how much things will change by the time you do, but I can't leave this unsaid. I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this, that we'd fall in each other's arms and everything would be fine, but I guess I was wrong... Can't really say much except that I'm sorry. For everything. But I'm not sorry for us. I'd wreck my life for you, all over again, and it'd be worth it. I also wanna say that I get it. I finally do. I'm not going after you. I'm not gonna wait for you. You wanted me to move on and that's what I'm gonna do. I hope that when you find yourself everything we've had isn't lost." He said all of this without thinking much, as if it those words had been struggling to get out and now they were free.

When he hung up, his head ached like hell. It had been very hard to say those things, but he knew he had to. They needed closure, he thought to himself. At least he did. He wanted to cry but he was afraid someone would enter and find him that way. He closed his eyes to suppress a tear that insisted in coming down, and after some time, he finally managed to sleep.

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Ian looked at the clock on the bedside table again. It was 5 in the morning and Marissa still wasn't home. Marissa's mother had been very nice to him and he wasn't uncomfortable for being there at all. They had talked about the eventful night when they arrived from the Cohen's and, after making sure he had everything he needed in Marissa's room, she'd disappeared in the mansion and he was supposed to get some sleep. However, he'd waken up every hour from the moment he went to bed until now.

He tried her cell phone. It went straight to voicemail. He didn't bother to leave a message. She never remembered to check it, anyway. He wondered if she had decided to sleep at the Cohen's, and he couldn't avoid asking himself if there was something going on that night that he was the only one that wasn't aware of.

All he had to do was put two and two together. And he knew the reason why Marissa had left Newport. Taylor had said Ryan had never gotten over her and, from the moment she'd set foot in that house, she'd started acting weirder and weirder. Maybe she wasn't over him, as well, Ian thought, feeling a pang in his heart.

He knew that she didn't love him the same way he loved her. But he had never thought that she could be still in love with someone from her past. It was the same story all over again, he thought to himself, as a red-haired image of a girl passed through his mind.

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After driving without a direction, afraid of going home, Marissa was sitting in the lifeguard stand, drinking an Absolut she'd just bought straight from the bottle. She couldn't stand leaving Ryan again. It had been so hard to look at his eyes and to say those words. She loved him but she didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve Ian, either. She didn't know how she was gonna go home and face him after what she'd done.

She felt like a whore. She still had Ryan's smell all over her. How could've she made love to him the way they did right after he'd just cheated on her? Did she even have the right to call it cheating? Technically, she was the one that had a boyfriend to cheat on. All rationality seemed to be miles away from her as far as Ryan was concerned.

She took another sip. She couldn't stop the memories from him saying he loved her in her ear when he was inside her. She couldn't believe she hadn't been able to resist him. It was all her fault. She should've never kissed him. She was crying again. She knew she had tore his heart open again when it wasn't even healing yet. She wished she hadn't done it, she wished she'd let him think she was in love with Ian, it would have made things easier on both of them.

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It was about seven o'clock when Kirsten woke up with Aiden's cry in the adjacent room. With her eyes still closed, she wondered if Ryan was still sleeping with Marissa downstairs, if it would be alright if she called him to feed, bathe and change Aiden. She nudged Sandy, who was asleep by her side. She felt tired. She noticed that Aiden had stopped crying. A few seconds later, she heard the Nana baby talking in the hall and she did a rare thing. She thanked God they still had her.

Sandy opened his big green eyes and he looked at her with an amused look. He knew she'd nudged him so he could go and get Aiden and now she was pretending that she didn't nudge him at all, her eyes closed, as if she had gone back to sleep.

"Kirsten, I'll go and get him, you don't have to pretend you're asleep…" He said, chuckling, tickling her.

"I wasn't pretending…" She said, trying to dodge his fingers. "Besides, the Nana got him, didn't you hear her? God save the Nana!" Kirsten said, smiling.

"I'd never thought I'd hear you say anything like that about her…"

"She does like Ryan, you know. She wouldn't do all that baby sitting when Seth was a baby…" She compared, remembering that back then, she and Sophie couldn't be in the same room without arguing or without Sandy arguing with his mother.

"You wouldn't even let her! Not that I'm defending her… The woman was hard to deal with…" Sandy said, in an agreeable tone. "By the way, where's he? Wasn't he supposed to be spending some quality time with his kid?"

"I almost forgot to tell you… I've found the cutest scene downstairs when I went to check on Marissa and Aiden…" And she made a pause for the sake of suspense.

"Did you? And you're gonna tell me what you saw?" Sandy asked, trying to guess with whom Ryan was.

"I went downstairs to bring Aiden to his crib and when I arrived in the living room, Ryan and Marissa were sleeping together in the couch. They looked so peaceful together that I couldn't wake her to send her home… So, I removed Aiden silently and left them there." She smiled a mischievous.

"You're revealing yourself quite as quite the cupid!" Sandy said, laughing heartily. "There was something definitely going on between them. Isn't there always? However, I did notice that he and Taylor disappeared for a while…" He observed.

"I noticed that too. I can only hope that neither Ryan nor the girls have done anything stupid…"

"You mean, more stupid than being with two girls in the same party? At least he didn't get his nose broken like Seth…"

"At least Seth seems to be reaching an understanding with Summer… I heard a lot of I love yous and I love you more through the door when I passed his bedroom…"

"Those two were made for each other. Ryan and Marissa, I'm not so sure about those two…" Sandy said, pondering the memories of the hundreds of time he'd seen Ryan suffering in silence for her.

"He seems to love her. You had to see the glow on his face when Julie said Marissa was here…"

"I've never doubted he loved her. No guy would get in the heap of trouble he got for Marissa if he didn't love the girl. She's put him through a lot… I know that she did love him at some point, but she did show up with a new guy, didn't she?"

"So did Summer. Girls are quick these days." She said, smiling.

"I'm currently supporting Team Taylor, seeing as you're a clear fan of Team Marissa. I wonder if it's a lost cause… She seems to like him so much. She follows him with her eyes everywhere he goes. The lost puppy face she makes whenever he doesn't pay her attention to her…"

"Talking about paying attention, I guess we should be paying some more attention to the boys, seeing as they haven't been here in a while. How about a family breakfast then a family lunch and then maybe we could all have dinner at the Yacht Club? I'm dying to introduce little Aiden to Newport society!" Kirsten suggested.

"I'll make the reservations. Should we call Julie and Neil as well?"

"Yes! I can't wait to see Summer and Seth together again! I'm so thrilled!" She said, getting up. She did feel in a good mood.

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"Hey, baby. Did you sleep ok?"

"Hey, stranger. What have you done with Summer?" Seth asked, still amused by the fact that Summer was being so sweet to him.

"Shut up, Cohen! If you rather I treat you as you deserve, don't worry. I will kick your ass when your nose is healed!"

"My baby's back!"

"Talking about being back, is Marissa still there?I didn't hear her arriving home… And it's seven already…" Summer asked, worried if her friend and Ryan had finally talked or if they've had another of those fights.

"Actually, I don't know… I didn't see her when I arrived and I haven't been downstairs yet. However, Ryan hasn't been up here, either… Huumm… Maybe they ran away to Hawaii together?" Seth tried to make a joke, but he could tell Summer was worried.

"Get your ass downstairs now and go find them, Cohen! Ian will be up at any minute!" She said, a slight feeling of panic, when she thought what Ian's reaction when he woke up and didn't find Marissa there.

"Yes, he will. And there _will _be questions… I'm gonna go. Now. Bye." And he got up,

"Cohen! Wait! I still wanna know how your nose is!"

"It still hurts a little, but this is an emergency, Summer. I gotta go. You've said it yourself! I'm gotta rescue Ryan before he gets his nose broken too!" He said, laughing from his own joke

"Okay, then. Just go!"

Not bothering to change from his PJs, Seth went downstairs and looked all around the house. No sign of Ryan or Marissa. Where the hell had they gone? Even though the possibility of him being in the pool house was slim, seeing as Taylor was the current occupant, he went there to check.

He knocked. Seeing as no one bothered to answer, he entered.

Ryan was sound asleep in the bed. Alone.

"Ryan! Wake up, man! Is Taylor in here? Where's Marissa?" Seth said as he shook Ryan to wake him.

Ryan opened his eyes and gave Seth a go away look and then turned to the other side, hiding his head under the pillow.

"Ryan, Marissa hasn't arrived home yet! Summer's worried. If she's hiding here somewhere, you've gotta tell me!" Seth kept nudging him with his fingers so he would listen.

"She's not here, Seth. Go away." Ryan definitely didn't seem in the mood to talk.

"That's it? You're not gonna be desperate because she is not home yet? You're not gonna help me find her? Summer is gonna kick your ass right after she kicks mine, dude!"

"Marissa's a grown up girl. She turned off her phone. Also, she only left about two hours ago. There's no reason to freak out." Ryan said, realizing he wasn't gonna get any sleep.

"Two hours? Just in case you didn't notice, the Roberts' house is ten minutes away from here, on foot." Seth said. What had gotten into Ryan. He'd never seen him act like he didn't give a shit when the problem was Marissa.

"I'm not going, Seth. She doesn't want me to go after her." Ryan said. His heart was throbbing with the pain of losing Marissa again.

"Am I missing something? What the hell happened between you and Marissa when I went upstairs? Why are you sleeping in here? Where's Taylor?" Seth ranted. There was something very odd in Ryan's behavior, he looked devastated.

"Taylor went for a jog by the beach, she probably will be back at any minute, seeing as she left a while ago. I'm sleeping here because she offered and you snore." Ryan said, dodging the Marissa subject.

"Did you argue again? I'm starting to think that Marissa does belong in Greece… I haven't seen you like this since the day you left her at the airport… Did you two…?" Seth was so shocked that he couldn't say the words.

Seth's cell phone rang before Ryan could answer him.

"Hey Summer, I've got good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?" He answered.

"Give me the good ones, Cohen. I kinda need them right now. Marissa isn't here yet. Have you found her?"

"Nope. But I've found Ryan. He said she left about two hours ago, didn't say where she was going…"

"Did they fight?" Summer asked, concern audible in her voice.

"Ryan looks like he's been run over by a truck. He won't say anything about what happened, though." And Seth lowered his voice, "I'm pretty sure they were together, Summer. He won't tell me but she wouldn't have spent all night in here taking care of Aiden after we arrived from the hospital…"

"Seth! Can you not talk about me as if I weren't listening?" Ryan asked, slightly impatient.

"I hope she isn't doing anything stupid… Oh my God!" Summer said and Seth heard silence in the phone for a good while. "Talk to ya later, Cohen." And she hang up on him.

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Summer rushed downstairs. She'd just heard Marissa's car parking outside the house. She'd slept lightly all night, waiting for her friend to arrive. At first she was curious, but when she woke at six a.m. and Marissa still wasn't there, she started to worry. It had been a torture to wait until it wasn't too early to call Seth. There was no way Marissa would get so enthralled with Ryan that she would forget she had to be home before breakfast. Something was wrong. She just couldn't guess how much.

"Summer?! I'm guessing you heard her car, as well…" Julie, who arrived at the living room right after her, was wearing a green silk bathrobe and had her hair up. She'd rushed out of the bathroom the minute she heard the car. She didn't want Ian and Marissa to meet, in whatever state her daughter would arrive home.

Minutes passed as they waited for the front door to open, but it never did. Instead, the doorbell rang. Summer and Julie exchanged puzzled looks. Summer walked towards the door and opened it, Julie kept stretching her neck to see who was at the door.

"Oh my God, Coop… Julie! Come here, now!" She cried as she gestured for Julie to help her.

Julie walked slowly towards the door. Judging by Summer's desperate tone, something was very wrong with her daughter. And she was afraid to find out what.

Julie's heart sank when she arrived at the door. She couldn't believe her eyes. Her recurring nightmare about her daughter had become real again.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hi guys, I'm sorry it took so long. My internet isn't working… Had to work in lan houses and stuff… Hope you enjoy the chapter. And DO review! **

"What?" Realizing that Summer had just hung up on Seth, Ryan couldn't continue to pretend he wasn't curious.

"What, what?" Seth pretended not to notice what Ryan was asking about.

"What's up at the Roberts', Seth?" Ryan asked, impatiently.

"I don't know. Summer hung up on me. Maybe Marissa arrived… Do you want to accompany me over there and check?" Seth asked.

"Seth, which part of she doesn't want to see me you didn't get?" Ryan said.

"But what if something serious happened to her?" Seth kept trying to make Ryan react the usual way: running to save her.

"Then, I'll have to live with the guilt. I'm tired of this, Seth." He said and he knew that it was true. Even though he loved her, that part of Marissa that tended towards self-destruction didn't attract him for some time now. If she'd done something stupid he wasn't going to run to rescue her, not this time.

"You thought that she would be changed… But Marissa is still Marissa, Ryan Atwood." Seth just didn't know how much.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Standing in the doorway of the Roberts' mansion was a tall, blond, sun-tanned young man, holding an unconscious, soaked Marissa in his arms.

"What have you done to her?!" Summer squealed, when she finally managed to get her voice back. She was shocked to see her friend like that, again. Flashes of Tijuana passed through her mind. Not again, she thought to herself.

"Are you gonna let me in or not?" Volchek asked, nonchalantly.

"If you're responsible for my Marissa being like this, you're so in jail, young man…" Julie hissed.

"I found her like this." Volchek replied, simply.

"Didn't you try to wake her?" "Where did you find her?" Julie and Summer asked in unison.

"If you want me to drop her right here, all we have to do is keep talking…" Volchek said in a impatient tone.

"Come on in. Lay her on this white couch, please." Julie instructed as they walked towards the living room.

Volchek laid her on the couch.

"I'm gonna call Neil. He had an early call today and he's already in the hospital!" Julie said, rushing upstairs to get her phone. "You two stay with her!"

As soon as Julie left the room, Summer attacked Volchek:

"What have you given to her? Spill it out!" She said, in a no-nonsense tone. She couldn't believe Marissa had let that guy be near her again.

"I've told you. I haven't given her anything. She was out of it already when I found her. I got her keys, got her in the car and drove here."

"Of all people, I've never thought you'd rescue Marissa someday…" Summer said.

"I thought she wasn't drinking or so she told me when we broke up…"

"She wasn't. I don't know what the hell's gotten into her". Summer said. Seeing as Marissa wouldn't move, she felt her concern growing.

She walked towards her friend and leaned with her ear towards Marissa's nose. Marissa was breathing very slowly. Summer shook her lightly, registering the fact that her friend was a bit cold, but still there was no response.

"We should take her to the hospital! Julie! She is barely breathing!" Summer cried as she rushed upstairs.

"Neil said an ambulance was on the way. It probably will be here within a few minutes." Julie said from the top of the stairs. "Now, shush. You're gonna wake up Ian. We don't want him to know why she's like this, do we?" She hissed to Summer.

They went downstairs again. Julie thanked Volchek writing him a check, which he accepted and left.

Summer sit by Marissa's side, crying lightly; she couldn't believe Marissa had OD'ed again. Marissa was now changed into flannel sweats and a USC shirt of Summer's, a towel wrapped in her hair, which was wet from the rain.

"And there I was, thinking I was finally being a cool mom, leaving her alone with Ryan." Julie said, sadly. "What kind of mom am I, anyway? My daughter's overdosed twice in four years…" She sobbed, perched on the arm of the couch.

"It's not your fault, Julie. At least, not this time." Summer said, in a comforting voice.

Both of them knew it wasn't anybody's fault. Marissa was still very frail. And that was her way of reacting when things were not the way she expected them to be.

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After being reanimated and going through a stomach wash at the Hoag's Memorial, Marissa was sleeping peacefully in a hospital bed, with a saline IV in her arm to prevent her from dehydrating. Neil had informed Julie that she'd probably wake up within the next hour.

Summer and Ian were sitting on an acqua couch in the corner of the hospital bedroom. Summer could only feel relief that they'd gotten Marissa to the hospital in time. Ian, on the other hand, had a question mark branded on his forehead. How in the world had Marissa gone from babysitting to overdosing in less than eight hours? It was definitely something to be worried about. If the mere presence of that guy made Marissa act like that, he could only wonder how sick their relationship had been in the past. He had to take her away from Ryan as soon as possible, before it got any worse.

He was blissfully unaware that Marissa was the one that had dragged Ryan down countless times.

"Shit!" Summer said, out of the blue.

"What?" Ian asked.

"I totally forgot to call Cohen back! He's been calling me for the last half hour."

"He's probably worried about Marissa. I can only thank God she's okay." He made a pause. "You and Julie said something about Tijuana on the way here, has this happened before?" He asked, pointing towards Marissa.

Summer wondered for a minute how much this new boyfriend of Marissa knew about her not-so-far-away complicated past.

"She's had drinking problems since her dad went bankrupt and her parents divorced in the sequence. Soon after that, she OD'ed in TJ when she found out about the divorce and also that her boyfriend was cheating on her with Holly." Summer explained. "She'd been through a lot before she left to Greece." She carried on.

"Her boyfriend meaning Ryan?" Ian asked, not failing to notice Summer's surprised expression at his question.

"Her boyfriend meaning Luke. Ryan would never be capable of cheating on her. This reminds me that I gotta call Seth. He and Ryan are probably worried about Marissa." Summer said, seeing as she needed a quick exit. She did not want to answer an interrogatory about Marissa and Ryan. She didn't know how deep Marissa would go in her explanations when Ian asked her why she had drunk like that.

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"Cohen?"

"Summer! Finally! Did Marissa show up?"

"Please don't tell Atwood. He'll lose it. Marissa od'ed again." Summer said.

"Not again..." Seth sighed heavily. "Are you at the hospital?" He asked, while Ryan shot him an inquisitive look.

"Yes. She's in the bedroom now with Ian. I'm in the corridor."

"Is she alright?" Seth asked.

"Sort of. She hasn't woken up yet." She informed.

"Do you need me there?"

"I do. But I think it is best if you keep Ryan where he is. Did you ask him what happened between them?"

"He won't tell me. He keeps saying she doesn't want to see him and that he's tired of her mess." Seth said, ignoring Ryan asking in the back what was wrong with Marissa.

"Ian asked me a thousand questions about them. I don't know how, but he found out that he and Marissa had something." Summer whispered on the phone, afraid that Ian would get out of the room and overhear her.

"Be stealth, Summer. We don't want another skirmish."

"I almost forgot to tell you! Speaking of Marissa's boyfriends, Volchek was the one that brought her home!"

"No way! The surf-nazi rescued Marissa? I don't believe it!" Seth said, amused.

"He did. Anyway, coming back to the Ryan subject: don't let him come here. I think that his presence would only make Ian more suspicious that whatever happened really happened."

"He won't leave this pool house. Only over my dead body."

"Come on, Seth! Are you gonna tell what happened or what?" Summer heard Ryan's voice in the background.

"Gotta go now. I wanna be around when she wakes up." Summer said.

"Okay, then. Keep me posted."

"Bye, Cohen."

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Marissa blinked. She looked around her and she realized she was alone with Ian in a hospital room. Shit, she thought as she closed her eyes again, tightly.

She knew she'd had too much too drink and probably had passed out. Now her mother would be all over her and Ian certainly had some questions for her. She wondered if anyone had told Ryan. After their exchange, he probably wouldn't want to hear from her any time soon. She also wondered who had brought her to the hospital.

"Marissa?" Ian called, realizing that she was awake.

"Hey…" She said weakly, at a loss for anything better to say.

"Feeling alright?" He asked, softly. He walked towards the bed and held her hand.

"My stomach is aching a little… Is Sum here?" She had a lot to ask Summer before she spoke to Ian about what happened.

"She is in the hall. She said she was going to call Seth." Ian replied.

"Did the doctor say when can I go home?"

"Neil said that I'm supposed to call him as soon as you'd woken up and he'd come here and check on you."

"Have I been out for a long time?"

"Actually, I don't know. Nobody woke me until you were in the hospital." He said and she noticed that it had bothered him.

"Coop!! You're up!" Summer said as she walked back inside the room. "Thanks God!"

"I'm sorry. Really. I didn't mean to worry you." Marissa said, afraid that her voice would break.

"What in the world got you drinking again, honey?" Summer asked. Marissa opened her mouth but hesitated to speak. Getting the hint, Ian offered:

"I'm gonna leave you girls alone so you can talk about whatever you might wanna talk about…" He said, walking towards Marissa and kissing her forehead lightly and leaving the room in the sequence.

As soon as Ian closed the door, Marissa burst into tears.

"I've really screwed up this time, Sum…" She said, sobbing.

"Coop! Don't be like this, honey! I'm gonna cry, too…" Summer said, approaching the bed so she could hug her friend. 'What happened? You can tell me…" She asked, in a comforting voice.

"Ryan and I… We…" She hesitated. Actually saying what they'd done seemed to make it seem worse. Tears flowed down her face.

"Are you saying the two of you did it?" Summer asked, wide-eyed.

"I don't know what I'm gonna say to Ian, Sum..." She said. She felt guilty and ashamed of what she'd done to her boyfriend. She hadn't stopped to think about the consequences when she'd done it and now she felt terrible.

"Well, that depends…"

"Depends?" Marissa looked surprised at Summer's response.

"Yeah. Depends on who do you intend to stay with…" She said, winking.

"Didn't Ian ask you why did I drink like this?" Marissa asked, changing the direction of the conversation towards a less challenging one.

"Nope. Didn't. But I'm sure he's gonna ask you later. He did ask about TJ... And I've told him the truth."

"How did he react?"

"Pretty normal. Actually, he did ask a curious question: if Ryan was your boyfriend back then…" Summer made a pause. "How much exactly about Ryan does he know?"

"Not much… I didn't want him to be in the middle of Ryan and I being friends, so, I sort of trivialized my relationship with Ryan when I told him about it. This actually led Ryan to screw Taylor…" She said, painfully remembering the sequence of events that had led her to break up with Ryan as soon as they had made up.

"What happened between you when he got back from the hospital? Besides sex… What _really_ happened?"

"I kissed him, Sum. I was babysitting Aiden and I dozed off. When I woke up, I found him sleeping next to me on the couch and I thought I could, you know, kiss him goodbye but…" She took a deep breath. "He woke up and kissed me back… The next thing I knew we were doing it in the Cohens' bathroom…"

'No kidding! How could anything have gone wrong after such adventurous make up sex, Coop?" Summer asked, amused. How could she and Cohen haven't even had make up sex yet? She asked herself.

"Everything was fine until he asked me to stay. Again. I couldn't say yes, Sum…" She started crying again. "I said horrible things to him… I… Nothing's changed since I left… He still got Theresa pregnant, he still had a child with her, he's still in college and I'm not… It would never work! Even I thought I was doing just fine, but look at me!" She said, gesturing towards the IV equipment. "He's no good for me neither I am to him."

"How can you say he's no good for you, Coop? He loves you and you know it."

"He loves me. And I love him. That's not exactly something we choose. Still, I chose to be with Ian and he chose to go to bed with Taylor right after he kissed me." She said with her voice filled with hurt.

"I thought that was left behind when you had sex at the bathroom… So, you're not going back to Ryan and you are ok wih it. Why did you drink that much, then?"

"Because I'm stupid. I am sorry. I felt guilty… I…I guess I just wanted things to disappear for a while…"

"What are you gonna do next?"

"I need to go back to Greece. And stay there!" She said, more to convince herself.

"Speaking about going back… I've got big news for you!"Summer said, excited.

"They better be good, Sum… I kinda need some…"

"I'm not going back to USC! I'm dropping out!" Summer said, beaming.

Marissa gave her a bewildered look.

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Neil couldn't believe his ears. His beloved daughter had just said she was dropping out of college. He'd planned to enter Marissa's bedroom as calmly in case she'd be asleep but after that, he nearly blasted the door open.

"You are what, Summer?" He asked as he entered.

"Hi dad! I've been meaning to tell you about it… But not like this…" She said, sheepishly.

"I hope you have a good explanation. I'm waiting." He said in a no-nonsense tone.

"I'm… I am going to Brown, Dad. Aren't you gonna ask Marissa how's she doing?" She added quickly, intending to dodge this conversation.

"You and Seth are back? For real?" Marissa asked, cheering up a little.

"I cannot believe Seth Cohen is the responsible for making you change your mind into leaving California so quickly!" Neil said, not bothering to disguise his surprise.

"He doesn't know it, yet… I know he is not the son-in-law of your dreams, dad, but… I think I really love that nerd…"

Neil chuckled. His daughter and Seth did seem to be each other's destinies.

"Ok, then. If you're happy, I'm happy." He said, heading towards Marissa's bed. "I've been told that you haven't ingested any other drug apart from alcohol… I'm assuming that what happened was an accident…" He said, tactfully.

"It was." She took a deep breath. "I had some decisions to make and I couldn't… As usual, I wanted to escape from problems because I don't know how to deal with them… So, I drank a bottle of vodka trying to forget things, as I tend to think that it helps… But it doesn't help at all… Don't know why I keep doing it…" She was very disappointed with herself. She was just fine until she came back to Newport. How could she relapse like that?

"It never helps, Marissa." Neil said, patiently. "If you do think that things have gone too far, maybe you should consider getting serious help. Have you ever heard about AA?" He asked.

"Yes. Maybe I should to go one meeting and see how it goes… It's not that I can't stop myself from drinking, but whenever I have a problem, I resort to drinking…"

"Talk to your boyfriend, talk to Jimmy, call Summer, call your mother, even me, if you feel that you're about to drink and you need to let go of your chest whatever is worrying you…" Neil said.

"Speaking about her… Is my mother mad?" She asked, predicting that her mother was probably pissed with her for doing this again.

"She was so relieved that you are ok that she couldn't be mad at all…" He replied. "None of us could".

"Where is she?" Marissa asked.

"She's on the phone, telling Jimmy about what happened."

Dad's gonna be so worried, she thought to herself.

"I'm gonna call him later." Marissa said. "He's probably worried too".

"We are all worried, Marissa. Thanks God that friend of yours brought you home." Neil said. "I've to go now. I have to check on a patient".

"When can I go back to Greece?" Marissa asked.

"You'll probably be released later on today. We only have to keep an eye on you for a few more hours…" He said, turning to leave the room.

One second later, he showed up again at the door.

"Our little talk is still due, Miss Roberts. Don't forget to tell Seth Cohen he's also invited."

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The breakfast table was set at the Cohens'. Kirsten, Sandy, the Nana and Aiden were there. It was the third time Kirsten had called the boys. She knew something was up. She walked towards the pool house, willing to drag them to the family breakfast, if necessary.

Ryan was sitting in one of the patio recliners, with Seth sitting on the floor beside him, holding his left leg with both hands.

"I've told you, Seth. I'm not going anywhere." Ryan said, impatiently.

"What's going on in here?" Kirsten asked, surprised at the scene she found. "Come on, Seth, let go of Ryan!"

"Can't, mum. Sorry. Summer's orders." Seth said, shrugging.

"Why is he holding you?" She asked Ryan, trying her best to be serious after Seth's response.

"Marissa's in the hospital. Seth thinks I'm gonna run over there and say or do something stupid in front of her boyfriend…" He explained, sighing.

"What happened to her? Why is she in the hospital?" She asked, worried. Marissa had been just fine only a few hours ago.

"She OD'ed. Again. But Summer's just texted me saying that she's fine now. She's even awake." Seth said smiling, trying to give a light tone to such bad news. That was when he realized that he'd let the proverbial cat out of the bag. "Uh-uh! Ryan wasn't supposed to know… Summer's gonna kill me…"

"That's terrible news, Seth... Thanks God she's ok." Kirsten said, relieved.

"She's fine, then? Don't worry, Seth. I won't go to the hospital. She doesn't want to see me." Ryan said, gloomily. "Now will you please let me go?"

He'd had this feeling, like she was gonna do something stupid since the moment she'd left him. Sadly, his suspicions proved to be right. He wanted with all his heart to go to the hospital and stay beside her until she was ok again. He wanted to be there for her as he had always been. However, the place beside her bed was taken. And there was nothing more he could do to change that.

Ryan shook his head, realizing that Seth had let go of his leg. He wasn't going anywhere. Not this time. He couldn't afford to see her with Ian after she'd been his. Not after the way it had been.

**A/N: Sad chapter, wasn't it? ****Good news is: Chapter 10 is probably gonna be up tomorrow! So, come back and check!**


	10. Chapter 10

No words could express how she felt when she set foot on the Eleftherios Venizelos, the Athens International Airport. It felt like coming home. All she had to do now was pretend Thanksgivings never happened and go back to her dream life in the company of Prince Charming himself, who was now getting their bags from the conveyor.

She looked at him and thought about how amazing Ian's behavior had been since her overdose. She thought he'd be all over her. She knew he had many unanswered questions. But he hadn't asked any. Not to mention that he still managed to be the perfect boyfriend during her remaining time in the hospital, always asking if she needed anything and running to get it in the next second. Why couldn't she simply make herself love him? Why couldn't she forget the mix of hurt and love in Ryan's eyes when they had accidentally crossed paths at the LAX?

Apparently, he'd decided to go back to Berkeley earlier too. Just like her, stepping away before things could get any worse.

Her father's voice broke her trail of thoughts

"Kiddo! I'm so happy to have you back in one piece!" Jimmy said and she noticed he was examining her quickly. "You look pretty good for someone who…" He stopped himself. It was a touchy subject.

"I didn't OD, really, Neil explained to me… He said that, when I took the first sip I couldn't stop because I'd been abstinent for a while and my body missed the alcohol… So I drank too much and passed out. He said that what happened was a serious sign that I should really look for help…" She said.

"Just promise you won't do it again". He said, opening his arms to hug her.

"I promise, dad." She said, hugging him back.

Ian walked towards them, pushing their luggage in a trolley.

"Hi Jimmy!" He said, smiling.

"Hi, Ian! How was the trip? Did you two have fun?"

"A little too eventful, but yes, I guess we managed to have some fun…" Ian said, politely. Of course he wasn't going to mention how he felt to Marissa's father. It wasn't fun at all and he was very worried about Marissa. Even though Jimmy hadn't paid much attention to Marissa saying she was gonna look for help with her drinking, he intended to support her. He couldn't stand the thought of her overdosing again. He loved her too much to lose her, he thought to himself as he smiled to her and to Jimmy.

They got a cab to Ian's apartment at the Thission to leave their bags and walked to a nearby restaurant, the Filistron, so they could eat some real food as Jimmy called it. He had adapted especially well to Greek cuisine and always said that he didn't miss American food at all.

Marissa looked at her father and her boyfriend discussing the menu and wondered if she could, like her father, marry someone she didn't love to fix things. Her father married her mother because she was pregnant... She could marry Ian someday... Maybe it would fix her.

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"I can't believe you waited all this time to tell me this!" Summer said, her mouth still filled with strawberry jam from her pancake. She was amazed by the piece of news Taylor had just given her. And she knew someone who would be even more amazed when she heard about it.

"I didn't wait for anything, Summer. We are talking about the reasons why I'm leaving and one of them is the fact that things didn't really work out for Ryan and me during Thanksgivings as I'd assumed they would after all that making out..." She said with a sad smile. "I guess we're meant to be friends... It's a shame, really. I could love him..." She said, gloom.

"You know I can't really say anything on that topic. Marissa's my friend and so are you... It's a conflict of interest!" Summer said. "I'm sorry I called you a skank... I didn't mean to. It's just that, Marissa was so devastated when she saw the two of you together... I was only trying to defend her." Summer said. "I know you're in love with him and all... But he's not over her, neither is she, which is a pity because they keep hurting each other every time they meet..."

"Apologies accepted." Taylor smiled. "You're right. They're not over each other at all." She said, remembering Ryan's face at the kitchen's counter when she'd found him that day.

"Did you know that Marissa left thinking that you and Ryan did it?" Summer asked.

"Yes. He told me right after she left. He also told me she didn't let him explain himself…"

"She's still a mess, Taylor… She doesn't think they can be together right now. She's finally aware that she's dragged him down countless times… And she isn't dealing very well with this newfound awareness…" Summer said. "I believe she's using you as an excuse to keep herself away from him. I mean, if she was so pissed about you, how come they ended up having sex instead of arguing?"

"Ryan does love a complex girl. And so does Ian. Poor boys. Talk about awareness and complete lack of it…" Taylor said, sighing.

"I wonder what she'll do when she finds out that you didn't go any further from kissing…" Summer said to Taylor. "Can I get another cappuccino, please?" She ordered to the waiter.

"Are you gonna tell her?" Taylor asked, wide-eyed.

"Nope… I mean, it would only add fuel to the fire… I guess it's best if things remain quiet for a while… I'll only tell her if she asks me directly, that's it." Summer replied. She wasn't used to keeping things from her friend.

"She's in Greece, he's back to Berkeley. As Sandy said, maybe it's better this way." Taylor said. "Changing to a nicer subject… I'm so excited! I'm going to Paris!!! Sorbonne!" She said, grinning widely.

"I still can't believe your mother agreed to this…" Summer said, smiling. "It's gonna be such fun!"

"Neither can I!" She said, giggling. "Maybe I'll even find a romantic boyfriend who will propose to me in the Eiffel Tower, just like Tom and Katie…"

"Come on, Taylor! Give your heart a rest…" Summer interrupted, giggling.

"And I'll say yes and come back married…" She said, smiling with a dreamy look on her face. She was hopelessly romantic and she knew it.

"When does the semester begin there?" Summer asked, after she managed to stop laughing.

"Early February. I've already sent all my documentations. I'm leaving on the week between Christmas and New Year's. I want to do some tourism before classes start." Taylor replied. "Talking about moving, did you tell Seth?"

"Not yet. I want it to be special. I want to make it up to him for not going the first time…"

"Do you need a kama-sutra? I could lend you mine… There are some…" Taylor started but Summer broke her off.

"Ew! No, thanks! Our sex life's great." She said, blushing. "Also, when I say special I mean surprising him, not special in a sexual way… I'm gonna show up in his dorm and…" She started to fill Taylor in regarding the details of her plans.

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"The house is so quiet without Aiden, isn't it?" Sandy said.

He and Kirsten were sitting at the patio table, enjoying the evening with a bottle of red wine.

"It is, really. He doesn't speak nor crawls yet but his little presence does fill a room!" Kirsten said, smiling as she remembered her grandson's cute little face. "I miss him already!"

"It's a pity that Ryan left early. He and his son need to spend more time together… Besides, with him back in Berkeley, we don't have the excuse for Theresa leaving Aiden here…" Sandy added.

"I think she's afraid we'll spoil him… She keeps saying that she doesn't know how he will adapt to such different realities." Kirsten said, sighing.

"Two different realities my ass. She wants it to be this way! The money we send her every month is more than enough to live in Newport. She insists on saving it… That kid has money until he graduates!" Sandy complained.

"She's afraid of losing him to us because of our money, Sandy… I understand her… If Ryan wanted to be Aiden's legal responsible, any judge would grant it…"

"He won't do that."

"Neither we… Aiden's everything she's got." Kirsten said. "Changing the topic a little, do you know exactly what happened that led to Marissa's OD and to Ryan's earlier flee?" She had a few theories but maybe Seth had told Sandy something.

"Seth said that all he managed to squeeze from Ryan was that they made up but Marissa said she couldn't stay here with him, nor go to college and that she's sorry but this isn't the right time for them… Something like the first time she left." Sandy said. "I don't get it. I know that Ryan screwed up when he impregnated Theresa, but hasn't Marissa screwed up God knows how many times? I saw the way she looks at him. She wants to stay! Why doesn't she?"

"So, that's why he left earlier… He did seem upset with her. So, they really were together? That may explain why Marissa OD'ed… Maybe she felt guilty, after all, there's this Greek boyfriend of her…" Kirsten said. Sandy laughed heartily.

"He is not Greek, Kirsten… He's American. His parents are Irish, but he told me he was born in Florida." Sandy said, still laughing.

"Whatever… Anyway, maybe she assumed getting over Ryan would be easier… Whereas Ryan assumed they'd be together the minute they saw each other again."

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Ryan sighed as he closed a book. It was his second week in Berkeley since he had come back from Thanksgivngs. His exams would be taking place next week and he could not get a hold of himself when the topic was studying. He couldn't stop thinking about Marissa and how stupid he'd been letting her go thinking the worst of him. Only God knew when he'd have a chance to explain himself to her.

He had told Seth he'd had it, that going after her was pointless and that he was going to move on.

However, despite being invited to every party on campus in the last weeks, he had not attended a single one. All he would do was stay in his dorm listening to the Cooper-Atwood Mix she'd made for him when things were less complicated, thinking about her. Images of her in his arms haunted him even when he was awake. Ted, his roommate, had given up inviting him out and had also told him he'd been calling Marissa's name in his sleep. He was a hopeless case now and he knew it.

He could only hope he would get over her, eventually. _Somewhere in Between _by Lifehouse was playing now and every line of the song reminded him of them. If only she would listen to him, he thought.

He wanted to give her space, time, whatever she wanted. Summer had even e-mailed him saying it would be best if they were apart for a while. However, there was this warning in the back of his mind. What if she never came back? What if she finds a way to fall in love with Ian? He asked himself everyday what he would do. She was so determined to run away from their relationship that he did not know what to expect from her anymore. The song had changed to _Blind. _Ryan headed to bed, wondering how he'd let her broke his heart once again and worse, how could he be so anxious for her to do it again?

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Ian arrived home from work and heard a sad song coming from Marissa's bedroom. He recognized the song; it was _I Want You to Know _from Lifehouse. She had been listening to this band a lot, with emphasis on the depressive songs. He knew she was probably thinking about Ryan. His heart ached. She was always thinking about Ryan. It did not matter if she was attentious, smiley; he could see sadness in her eyes that he could not see before he found out about her and Ryan. He did not know the whole story, but he did know it did not end well. Otherwise, they would never have met in the first place.

He had been pretending not to notice anything odd in the last month. When he had asked her if she wanted to go to Newport for Christmas she had said no and refused to elaborate on the answer. Maybe this was a good sign. Everyday he wished she would let Ryan go of her mind, maybe the fact that she didn't want to see him during Christmas meant she was finally willing to do it.

He entered the corridor that led to the bedrooms. Marissa had her own, seeing as they hadn't taken it to the next level yet and he wanted her to have her privacy.

"Marissa? Babe?" He called. "I brought dinner!"

"Hey…" She said, showing up at the door, wearing white sweats and a green tank top.

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He had not given her time to put any make up. She knew her eyes were red and her face gave away that she'd been crying. She couldn't help it. Jimmy had called and complained about her never listening to her phone messages, which had resulted in her losing an important message about a package he had sent her.

What neither her father nor Ian knew was that not listening to her messages was not a habit of hers. She had started to ignore her voicemailbox when she could not take listening to Ryan's messages anymore. It would break her heart everyday during her first trip to Greece when she listened to his voice, to his promises and to him saying he loved her and how they would be together when all of this was over. When they had agreed in not speaking, she had extended it to not listening to his voice messages as well.

When she started to search the voicemail for Jimmy's message, she accidentally found the message Ryan had left right after Thanksgivings. She had listened to it countless times that afternoon, only to hear his voice.

"_Huh… I-I don't know when you're gonna listen to this and… I have no idea how much things will change by the time you do, but I can't leave this unsaid. I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this, that we'd fall in each other's arms and everything would be fine, but I guess I was wrong... Can't really say much except that I'm sorry. For everything. But I'm not sorry for us. I'd wreck my life for you, all over again, and it'd be worth it. I also wanna say that I get it. I finally do. I'm not going after you. I'm not gonna wait for you. You wanted me to move on and that's what I'm gonna do. I hope that when you find yourself everything we've had isn't lost."_

He had said he didn't regret them. He was right. He had said he was sorry about Theresa and Taylor and she knew she had forgiven him long ago in her heart. She was the one with regrets now. She didn't have the courage to call him and tell him how it wasn't his fault that they weren't together.

She had thought that running off back to Greece would make things easier. But it hadn't.

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"In the mood for Chinese?" Ian asked, bringing her back from regretland. She had been spending too much time there lately, she thought to herself.

"Yup. Let me go and get my face washed… I…" She started to make up an excuse but she couldn't.

Ian had planned asking this to her a thousand times since they'd come back from Newport. He'd even rehearsed it. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, even though he knew he'd get his own hurt in the process. He'd never planned to ask her on that moment. But the words came out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"Do you still have feelings for Ryan?"

Marissa's blue eyes were wide open, along with her mouth. She couldn't hide her surprise. How did Ian guess why she'd been like that?

"Why are you asking me this?" It was all she managed to blurt out.

"Taylor told me, by accident, that you have a history with him. She said he isn't over you yet. I've put two and two together… Your behavior before the trip, the hugging and the tears and…" He sighed. "There were so many signs and I chose to ignore all of them." He said, calmly. "Until you OD'ed and there was no way I could keep ignoring it."

"…" Marissa was at a loss of words. She opened her mouth but closed it, incapable of justifying or defending herself.

"So, I'm gonna ask you one more time, Marissa, and I hope you'll give me the complete answer now. Do you still have feelings for him?" By the sheepish look on her face, he knew what her answer would be.

"I do… I'm sorry. I… I don't want to… I really meant things to work between us…" She said, her voice lowering by the minute. "I didn't OD because of Ryan, I've OD'ed because I didn't know how to deal with…" She'd never felt so ashamed of herself in her whole life. She had been shallow with a guy that only did her good.

"Did you , really? I've known you didn't feel the same way for me since our first kiss, baby. I just did not know why… But I do now." He said and, to Marissa's ever-growing surprise, his tone was of someone who was simply stating something instead of an accusative one.

"I can't be with him, Ian. I have been trying to let him go. It's for the best, to me and to him as well." She said, sadly.

"I… I do not know what to say, Marissa. I am in love with you. I want to be with you, but I can't make you love me." He said, rational and calm as always, even though she could see the hurt he was feeling in his green eyes.

"I want to, Ian. You're a great guy. You are adorable and you have been patient and loving… But maybe you deserve better." She said, feeling sorry to admit he was right. He couldn't make her love him.

A sad smile in a red-haired girl's face flashed through his mind as he processed those words. Again.

"Please don't say I deserve better. I want you." He said, softly, holding her hand. "I love you, Marissa." He had never said it before and she looked at him surprised. "I want to be with you, I want to protect you, to help you to forget the bad things from your past. I'm here for you, baby." He said with a loving smile in his face.

"I… I don't know, Ian…" She stuttered.

"Do you want to talk about what happened? Maybe if you let this go of your chest you will finally be able to move on… With me…" He said, kissing her forehead.

And she did. She told him the whole story of how she and Ryan had met and how crazy things had gotten despite all the love they had for each other. When she reached the part in which Ryan had sex with Taylor, she found out that she did not have the guts to tell him what she had done after that. There he was, willing to start fresh with her. How could she tell him that she had been in Ryan's arms the way she had? She still felt a shiver of desire for him whenever she remembered every time they had been together, even though she knew she should not. Ian did not deserve it.

He listened silently to her. How couldn't he have predicted the heap of trouble behind that lovely smile? It was too late now, Ian thought to himself. He loved her and if she wished to stay with him, he'd do his best to make her forget Ryan.

**A/N: Okay, now everybody hates Ian. LOL. I wonder how much you all would hate him if I could have written the scene that was intended to happen after that. I sooo cannot wait to write the next chapters! You're gonna love them (no irony intended).**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey guys. Sorry again for the delay… I hope you like this chapter. The events written here take place around the 20****th**** of December. **

"Hi! I missed you..."

"I missed you, too, baby... I don't know if I can wait four years… It's too long!"

"It isn't gonna be four years, silly. Christmas is only a few days away. And we're gonna make the best of the holidays this time! No punching…" She started to say but Seth broke her off.

"No rubbing new boyfriends under my nose! Chrismukkah is gonna be awesome! I can feel it! Can you feel it, Summer?"

"Not at all. As you know, LA's Christmas isn't very white Christmas like… It's hot like hell in here. I can't wait for my finals to end so I can go home… Dad said that in Newport it's a bit breezier now than in here." She complained. "At least my tan is up-to-date."

"Can't say the same about here. There's gonna be a beautiful white Christmas in Rhode Island. So, Chrismukkah is really gonna be relocated this year?" He asked.

"That's what Julie said last time I spoke to her. It's gonna be in my house this year." She replied.

"Did anyone bother to say what happened in my house to prevent Chrismukkah from being there?" Seth asked, not sure if he liked the innovation.

"It's just Julie trying to make Marissa come home for Christmas... It's no use. She is not coming." Summer said.

"Well, it's only been a few weeks but I guess they're better apart, don't you agree?"

"She told me she's been trying to work things out with Ian. She still loves Ryan but she's really willing to give Ian a shot. That's why she is not coming at all. She said they're going to Scotland to visit his parents. Talk about dream Christmas!"

"Speaking of Chrismukkah… Do we have plans for New Year's Eve?"

"Nope. Not yet. Have you talked to Atwood? How is he doing?"

"He is fine. Actually, he's been hanging out with this girl from Berkeley…"

"No kidding! Cohen, how could you've kept this from me? Who is she?"

"You know Ryan, he isn't much of a talker. I heard her voice when I called him and made him tell me who she was. Her name is Alicia. That's all I know".

"Who would say that after relapsing they'd try to get over each other so seriously…" Summer said, thoughtfully.

"Have you heard from Taylor? When's is she leaving for France?"

"She calls me everyday to fill me in." She replied. "Her plane leaves on the 23rd… It's been rescheduled. I'll be in Newport by then, I've arranged to drive her to the airport with your parents."

"I still have an exam on the 23rd… But Ryan's probably gonna be there too. Neither of you have to travel nine hours to get home… I'll probably be there on the 24th."

"Okay, then. Be prepared for the merriest Chrismukkah of your life!" She said, giggling as she remembered her plans for their Christmas night.

"Really? Can't wait, Summer Roberts." He said, smiling to the cell phone. "Gotta go now. Sorry. Class in ten minutes."

"Bye, Cohen. Love you!"

"Love you too."

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"What if your parents don't like me?"

"They will like you, you're adorable." Ian said. "I like you."

"Like me?"

"I love you, silly girl. I don't know why I keep saying this… I never hear it back…"

"You will, sometime…" She said, smiling.

"What time are you coming home?" He asked.

"Class finishes at eight… Can you pick me up?"

"Nope. Sorry. Making dinner…"

"I'll walk, then."

"Are you sure you haven't changed your mind? I haven't confirmed with my parents yet. We could go to Newport on Christmas and to Scotland on New Year's… Or the other way around…" He suggested.

"I'm sure, baby."

"Is it because of Ryan? I don't mind, really…"

"I thought we were over that topic… It's because of you. I want to meet your parents, Ian Davis."

"Ok, then, Marissa Cooper. See you when you get home."

"See ya." She said, hanging up.

As she walked back towards the building where she had Greek classes three times a week, she thought that if anyone had told her she and Ian would be this fine after the night she had told him that much about her past she wouldn't have believed it. He never put any pressure over her to know how she felt about him and she was beginning to think she could love him.

If only she had never met Ryan… She sighed. Obviously she wanted to go to Newport and meet Summer, Seth, the Cohens and, deep down she knew she wanted to see him too, even if it was only to see if he was doing ok. Summer had been avoiding the topic when they talked and she wasn't going to call and ask him how things were as if nothing had happened. She had promised herself she wouldn't hurt him that bad again.

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Ryan was sitting in a bench, staring at the beautiful garden around him. He was in front of the Law building at Berkeley. He had rehearsed one hundred times what he was going to say but he knew it was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

He had been enjoying her company just fine. It was great to have someone to talk to in college and who was also breathtaking beautiful. But taking her to spend Chrismukkah with the Cohens… It would be rushing things and he knew it. He had told her about Chrismukkah and he realized that maybe this had implied she was invited and if he didn't invite her formally it would seem like he didn't want things to move forward between them, which he did. However, Christmas dinner and meeting his kid was a big step. One he was not ready to take yet.

He still had all these mixed feelings which he kept in a place where he didn't visit them. Every day he tried hard to forget Marissa, but then something would happen and that would remind him of her.

"Hey daydreamer! I'm finally here!" Alicia snapped her fingers in front of him. "Sorry to keep you waiting…" She smiled.

"I didn't really wait a lot…" He said, looking at her beautiful smile. "How was the test?"

Alicia didn't have any similarity to Marissa. Despite the fact she was also tall, she had the most amazing curves which you could see even when she was wearing a suit; Her big brown-yellowish eyes made her look feline-like, which was incredibly sexy and to complete the set, her straight chestnut hair reached her waistline.

When Ryan had finally decided to come out of his dorm to college world, he'd met Alicia in the first party he'd been to. Wes, his college buddy who attended Law school, had introduced them. Since that party, they'd been spending more and more time together, even being exams season. He'd been gathering courage and looking for the opportunity to kiss her but it never seemed like the time was right. One thing was good about this whole thing: when he was with her, he managed to forget for a while that his heart had been shattered.

"It was fine. Can't really tell until Professor Hegber corrects it, but at least I knew what to do." She replied. "So, what's up? You said on the phone you wanted to talk to me. Can we talk during ice cream?"

"Sure." He said, standing up. "Shall we?" He offered his hand to help her to get up.

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When Marissa turned her key in the keyhole of the flat, her nose was filled with the smell of roses. She opened the door and found a trail of red rose petals which she followed, smiling as she wondered what Ian was up to.

There were flowers and candles in every surface of the living room. She kept following the trail of petals until the dining room, where a candlelit dinner was set for two. It was the most romantic thing someone had ever done for her, she thought.

In the back of her mind, a little voice reminded her that, actually, saving her life was the most romantic thing someone had ever done to her.

"So, did you like it?" She heard Ian voice behind her. When she turned around she saw he was holding a bouquet of red roses and was smiling at her, a hopeful look in his eyes.

"I… I love it. I… I don't know what to say…" She said, realizing that her cheeks were reddening. "What's the occasion?" She asked.

"It's our anniversary." He said, handing her the flowers. "I thought we should celebrate it properly. Did you forget it?" He asked, a playful look on his face.

"Come on! We have been together for like… Months... I haven't been counting, really." She admitted, giggling.

"I'm kidding, silly. I just wanted to say thanks. For trying…" He said and she could see love in his eyes when he looked at her.

She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"I'm the one that's got to say thanks. You treat me like I'm a princess since the day we first met. How could I not give a guy like you a real chance? I'm sorry I didn't try this sooner..." She said in his ear.

"You're trying now. That's what matters. Now, on to dinner."

In the last few weeks he had surely grown in her heart. As always, he'd been sweet and romantic and they hadn't stayed at home a single weekend since they'd had the talk. They had been touring around the country, eating out, going to the movies. He'd kept her so busy she hadn't had time to think about Ryan.

They had dinner and talked about their plans for the next days. Ian was absolutely thrilled by the fact that she hadn't dodged meeting his parents. After all, he'd already met hers. They drank Coke, seeing as neither of them was drinking. She, because of the AA meetings, Ian, to support her.

Afterwards, they headed to the living room, kissing softly. Marissa had never felt so comfortable with him before and things started to flow more loosely. Hours of kissing later, Ian suddenly sat up of the rug on which they had been making out.

"What?" Marissa asked, surprised by his sudden move. She realized as she spoke that she was a little breathless. Ian was a good kisser, indeed. She also realized that she wasn't in the mood for stopping at the kisses this time.

"Stop teasing, baby…" He said, softly.

She had been pressing her body against him as they kissed and he didn't know if he could carry on just kissing her. It had been months since they'd been doing that and the only reason he had been able to control himself so far was that she never seemed to be really willing. Like tonight. Feeling her finally corresponding to his desire was a hell of a turn on, he thought to himself.

She sat in front of him and kissed him again. She knew this situation would happen, sooner or later. She was aware that he loved her and that she didn't feel exactly the same, but their relationship had to evolve somehow. Maybe they should to take it to the next level so she could feel more connected to him. Finally making up her mind, she moved forward so she could strip him off his shirt, exposing his well defined chest. She held a giggle when she saw the surprised yet excited look on his face.

"As you can see, I'm not only teasing…" She said, smiling coyly.

"Let's do it properly, then…" He said, standing up.

She stood up too and stared at him, waiting for his next move. He swept her into his arms and carried her to his bedroom.

They started things all over again and Ian paced himself. He was in no rush. He kissed her thoroughly and caressed her in all the right places. He kissed her neck and whispered in her ear countless times.

"I love you..."

She felt a pang in her heart. She could hear Ryan's voice in her head repeating he loved her over and over again as every time they'd made love flashed through her mind. Ian had just done what Ryan always did. It was impossible not to remember the cute way he said he loved her right before he was inside her.

Crap, she thought. Why in the world the memories of her and Ryan always kept coming back to her? She close her eyes and shook her head, trying to making them go away.

Ian halted.

"Baby? What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"Nothing…" She had to think of an excuse for what she had just done. Quick. "I… I'm not taking pills nor using any sort of birth control method, actually…" She said, relieved that the answer had come to her so fast.

"Oh… Course you aren't… I forgot… I guess I got carried away…" He said, backing away from her a little.

"Do we have condoms?" She asked.

"Not sure… Let me go to the bathroom and check." He said, hurrying towards the bathroom.

He was back in a blink with a condom in his hand and they resumed what they'd been doing. Ian made love to her tenderly and skillfully. She'd never have guessed he'd be so good at it. She knew she would definitely be enjoying it more if she could get her mind off Ryan. But she couldn't. The fact that they looked alike didn't help her at all. Her hands slid through Ian's broad chest and strong arms and she closed her eyes, remembering how Ryan purred when she touched him. She made an effort to stay there, to not let her mind drift away, but she couldn't. Ryan's piercing blue eyes were all she could think about.

She was there. She could hear Ian moaning her name as he got off. But she wasn't, really.

As Ian laid by her side, saying how much he'd enjoyed that moment and how happy he was, blissfully unaware that, at a certain point, she hadn't managed to feel anything at all. She smiled to him and pretended it had been just fine.

She could only hope that, at some point, her memories with Ian would be so many that she'd eventually replace Ryan's memories with them.

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"So… Has the cat got your tongue?" Alicia asked, breaking Ryan's silence. His mouth had been shut since they'd set foot in the ice cream parlor.

They had ordered chocolate and vanilla sundaes and still he had been so quiet that she was getting more curious by the minute.

"No… It's just… I…" He stammered.

He never finished his sentence. Alicia broke him off by moving closer and touching his lips with hers, stealing a peck. Ryan's eyes widened and he was mute with surprise. When he looked at her he saw she was smiling like a Cheshire cat.

She had wanted to do that for a while. Ryan was cute and sweet and they had been spending some quality time together. He wasn't much of a talker but she liked the strong-silent type. When he'd told her he was recovering from a relationship that had gone very bad, she had promised herself she wasn't going to get involved.

However, they had been spending way too much time alone with each other and those vulnerable yet strong look on his blue eyes had made her fall for him.

"By the look on your face, I guess by now the cat has swallowed your tongue and it's not intending to give it back to you any time soon…" Alicia said, amused by the look on his face. "Now, come on! It was just a mini peck…" She carried on, giggling.

She knew she hadn't misinterpreted him. Lately, she had caught him, who seemed unaware of the fact she was a girl when they'd first met, glancing at her body while they talked and he had even paid her some compliments when she wore this or that dress. Also, judging by the frequent invitations she'd got from him along the last weeks he seemed willing to let down his involvement barriers.

Ryan didn't know what to say. For the last twenty minutes he had been thinking of a way to say that he had been enjoying hanging out with her but he wasn't ready to commit himself to anyone yet. But, thinking better, they hadn't even touched each other until one second ago and he was already worried about commitment. Maybe he should just let things be for a while, he thought to himself. After all, he'd been gathering courage for a while to do what she'd just done. This girl had guts.

"Sorry, it's just that… You surprised me…" He said. "In a good way, I mean." He added, hurriedly.

"Nice to know it was in a good way…" She said, staring at him with her brown-yellowish eyes, a smile on her face.

"I've been wanting to do this first… But the timing was never right…" He said, moving forward to kiss her.

It gave him a measure of their chemistry. It was as good as a kiss could get, even though they were sitting at an ice cream parlor. Maybe that was just what he needed to help him get over Marissa.

After a while, Alicia broke their kiss.

"Timing… Which reminds me… I know this is kind of late notice but, I'm spending Christmas and New Year's at my sister's place in Vermont. It'd be nice if you could come…" She said, smiling as she noticed he was caressing her left hand with his. "I know it's early and all… But if you wanted to accompany me it could be fun. No strings attached."

Ryan felt relieved. She hadn't even planned to go to Newport with him. Great.

"It'd be fun, specially after this…" He said, his hand pressing hers a little. "But… I kind of already have Chrismukkah scheduled with the family… I also got to see Aiden. He has to be reminded he's got a dad…" He smiled apologetically.

"Ok, then." She smiled back. "I'll miss you. Specially after this. But maybe it's better if we take things slow…"

"Maybe I'll catch a plane to see you on New Year's…" He said, winking at her.

"That would be very romantic."

"When do you leave for Vermont?"

"Tomorrow. It's a long flight."

"I can drive us to the LAX." He said. "I've promised Kirsten I'd arrive earlier this Christmas."

"It's settled, then."

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Marissa had dozed off beside Ian on his bed soon after they've had sex.

Hours later, she woke up with the irritating ring of Ian's cell phone. Whoever was calling didn't seem willing to give up reaching them. Even though it was three in the morning. She nudged him.

"Baby… Wake up. Your phone is ringing…" She said.

Ian rolled over towards the bedside table and answered the phone.

"Mum? Why are you calling so late?"

Marissa sat up in bed when she realized Ian's mother was calling from Scotland. Mrs. Davis surely knew what time it was in Greece. Ian was speaking so quickly she couldn't understand clearly what he was saying. She turned on the bedside lamp. Ian was whiter than usual. He'd just hung up the phone. He had a worried look on his face and she could see there were some tears welling up in his eyes.

"What happened, Ian?" She asked, worried.

He got up from the bed, grabbed his towel and started towards the bathroom.

"My father's had a stroke. My mother said he's in the hospital in a grave condition. I'm leaving in the first flight to Scotland." He said, his voice shaky.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She offered, even though she didn't think it was a good time.

"Don't get me wrong, baby. But I guess this isn't the best moment to meet the parents…" He said.

"I'm sorry to bother you with practical matters but it's gonna be Christmas in a few days so, do you want me to meet you there?" Marissa asked.

"How about spending Christmas with your mom in Newport? Even Jimmy said he's going to this Chrismukkah thing. My mother isn't going to be able to have a guest at home with my father in the hospital… And I need to be there for them..." He said, concern audible in his voice.

'Do you think it's a good idea?" She asked, hesitantly. "Ryan's gonna be there… I kinda OD'ed on Thanksgivings… Remember?" She wanted desperately an excuse not to go.

"It's not the best idea. But I promise I'll make it up to you on New Year's. Besides, I trust you." He said, entering the bathroom.

He trusted her. But he wouldn't if he knew the whole story that had led her to overdosing, she thought to herself. Fate seemed to have a way of throwing her and Ryan on each other's ways. Her mother had told her Chrismukkah would be in their house. So, not showing wasn't really an option.

She and Ryan were going to meet again. She didn't have her hopes high at all. All she could wish for was that Chrismukkah would be more pleasant Thanksgivings had been. Or at least less painful.

**A/N: *sighs* Thanks God I've managed to finally post this! I've been without internet at home for almost ten days! It was a nightmare… Anyway, I can't wait for Chrismukkah! Can you? I'm not **_**really**_** promising but I **_**do **_**intend to post it until the end of the weekend. Sooo, DO REVIEW!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So, another late update! Sorry… I'd like to say I'm as pissed as everyone with my lack of time to write. Anyway, Chrismukkah is on its way! =)) Hope you enjoy it and **_**DO**_** review! **

**22****nd**** December**

Jimmy and Marissa were sitting at the Delta Airlines VIP room at the Eleftherios Venizelos waiting for their flight that had been delayed. He watched amused as his daughter switched from fidgeting with her ticket to tapping her feet on the ground.

He didn't know much about what had happened the last time she had been to Newport that had led his daughter to overdosing; she dodged the subject whenever it appeared. But he suspected it had to do with Ryan. Or with Julie. Those were the two people in the world that had the ability to make Marissa lose it. He was aware that Ryan had never hurt her on purpose, but it was a fact that she seemed way better now that they were away, Jimmy thought to himself.

Marissa flipped her cell phone open and dialed Ian's number, but all she got was voicemail. Again. She was beginning to worry. Ian always left his phone on and he'd told her he'd call the minute he arrived in North Berwick. However, all she'd got was a text message saying he'd arrived, he was ok but things were not.

She was worried about Mr. Davis, but she had to admit that Ian's father's health wasn't the reason she was calling. She needed reassurance. Desperately. She needed to take her mind away from her thoughts about Ryan. What was it with her? She mentally scolded herself. Soon she would be in Newport and they were gonna probably going to meet again, she thought to herself as she felt an unwanted warmth in her heart mixed with pain. She knew she had to behave this time.

How was she supposed to act as if she didn't love him? She had tried to rationalize it, to forget it; she'd even been trying to replace him. Unsuccessfully, she thought. Only a few hours after Ian had left the flat, her mind had already drifted. It always went to the same place. Ryan's blue loving gaze staring at her.

The act that she'd played to herself and to him the last time hadn't been easy. She knew she wasn't going to be capable of doing it again. She regretted hurting him the way she had every day. She wished she had never said those things to him. That's the problem with words, she thought, you can't take them back after they've been said.

"Marissa, they're calling our flight. Shall we?" Jimmy said, dragging her back from wondering land.

She stood up, nodding, and they headed towards the departure gate of Delta Airlines.

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**23****rd**** December**

As she stepped inside the car, he couldn't help noticing that Theresa had already managed to lose most of the extra weight she had put on during her pregnancy. Her black hair was tied in a ponytail and she had some makeup on. She was wearing a pink summer dress and she looked really good in it.

Theresa never really had time to be vain so he wondered if she had finally found a special someone that, unlike him, managed to love her back. She used to be his friend and she was the mother of his son, Ryan thought to himself, after all. He wanted her to be happy. It was obvious that their "little" slip had cost her a lot more than it had to him. He owed her a lot for taking such good care of their baby while he was in college, taking the opportunity he had of being someone Aiden could be proud of someday.

"Hey." She said, smiling a tired smile, despite her good looks.

"Hi! Hi baby!" He said, smiling back. "We seem to be tired…" He added, sympathetically.

"We are tired…" She said sighing. "I am, actually. Aiden has decided to switch nights for days and I've just got back to work, so…" She shrugged.

"That's bad… Aren't you supposed to be on maternity leave?"

"Yes, I'm supposed to be… But in catering industry it's not a possibility… If I stay at home for three months, when I come back to work, there'll be someone else doing my job." She said, seriously.

"'I'm sorry… It certainly would be easier if I were around to help you…" He said, but she interrupted him.

"Don't start, Ryan… I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life if you had dropped out of college because of him." Theresa said, her hand caressing Aiden's little bald head.

"You don't have any reason to feel guilty, Theresa. We are his parents and I've stopped seeing Aiden as a mistake a long time ago, long before he was born." Ryan said, and he knew he meant it. Aiden's existence had changed how he felt about being a parent for good. He wasn't around as much as he wanted to be but he loved that little guy in a way he could never imagine he would love anyone, he thought to himself. "I hope I can make it up to you for this lost time as soon as I finish college. I wanna be a good dad, you know?" He added, smiling.

"I've been reading a lot about joint custody… It could be an option if you decide to live in Newport after you graduate."

"That'd be just fine with me. You are a great mother but I do wish to spend more time with him after I finish Berkeley." Ryan said. "Anyway, until that happens, maybe you should think about hiring a nanny. Kirsten could help you with the interviews."

"I've been giving a lot of thought to Kirsten's ideas lately…" Theresa replied.

Last week had been a nightmare. She had heard from other young mothers that their kids would exchange day and night but she always thought it wasn't going to happen to her and Aiden. But it had. It had made her finally admit she needed a nanny. She was a working mother, after all. The child support money Sandy and Kirsten sent her monthly was more than enough to hire a qualified person to take care of Aiden while she was at work.

However, when she had discussed the idea with her mother, Mrs. Diaz had said it was not a good idea. She had said she did not want a strange woman living in her house. She had also said if Ryan was around to help her, she wouldn't need to leave her grandson with a nanny.

Theresa, who couldn't stand listening to anything bad said about Ryan, had jumped to his defense. They had a serious argument. After that, she'd started to consider Kirsten's suggestion of moving out to her own place with her baby. Maybe she could move closer to Newport, even start an undergraduate course.

"Have you? She's always given me great advice." Ryan commented.

His phone rang. He stopped the car for a while to answer it. Theresa wondered who could be so important that couldn't wait a half-hour trip.

"Hi… I'm glad you finally called. How was the flight? How's Vermont?"

"It was ok. Vermont's been fun. Everybody's here. It's snowing a lot. Now tell me about you. How's Newport Beach?" Alicia asked.

"It's fine. Hot as usual. I've just picked up Aiden and Theresa and I'm driving back to Newport."

"Theresa's Aiden's mother, right?"

"Right. Listen, can I call you back later?"

"Sure. I just called to say I miss you…" She said in a sweet voice.

"I miss you, too."

"Talk to you later, then. Bye."

"Bye." He said, hanging up.

When he put the phone back on his pocket and started the engine of the car, he realized that Theresa was giving him an amused look. He felt tempted to answer the question that her eyes were asking but he'd previously decided not to tell anyone about Alicia, seeing as it was too new and too soon.

"So, are we seeing someone new?" She asked.

"No… Yes, hum… Not really." He stuttered. She giggled.

"It's okay, Ryan. I've started seeing someone else, too. It's only natural to move on, you know…" She said in a conformed tone.

"Who's the lucky man?"

"It's a guy I've met at a wedding I was working at. He's a lawyer." She said, shyly. "Anyway, speaking about moving on, how's Marissa?"

"Yeah, I… I've been meaning to tell you…" He knew she wasn't going to like this piece of news.

"What? Spill it out…"

"She's coming home for Chrismukkah." He said. "She arrives tomorrow with Jimmy."

"Ok. Don't worry. It's not that I dislike her. What I don't like is what happens when the two of you are together…" She said, honestly. "Not that it's any of my business." She added.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that. We are not together. At all. The girl on the phone is my attempt to move on. Her name is Alicia".

There, he had said it. Maybe saying it aloud would make it easier for him to stick to the idea that he'd moved on when he and Marissa met at the Roberts'.

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"I'm gonna miss you so much, guys!" Taylor said as she embraced Kirsten and Sandy at once.

"We're gonna miss you too, sweetheart." Kirsten said.

"We surely will. The house will be so quiet without you!" Sandy added.

"Oh my God! The plane leaves in ten minutes, I've gotta go to the line!" Taylor said, excited. "Paris, here I come! Au revoir, Newport! Bye, mum!" She opened her arms and Veronica Townsend walked slowly and hugged her, not very warmly.

"Bye, Taylor. Please, take care." She said. "I don't want any headaches when you come back."

"Come on, mum! Can't you be just be nice to me once? You're not gonna see me in months!" Taylor complained. Veronica pretended she hadn't listened.

"Why all of my girl friends are moving to Europe?" Summer asked, smiling a sad smile. "I'm gonna miss you, you magpie!"

"I'm gonna miss you, too, hun!" Taylor said as she and Summer hugged. "So, is the Cohen plan really gonna happen?" She whispered in Summer's ear.

"Humhum." Summer replied, smiling mischievously.

"Don't forget to write me about it!" She said, giggling.

"I won't!"

"Tell Marissa I said hi. Also, if you think it's possible, maybe you could tell her that Ryan and I didn't do it… I don't want her to hold that grudge against me… You've said she's fine with Ian, so I don't see how it could cause any trouble." Taylor asked.

"When I see them together, if they behave, I'll tell her." Summer responded.

Taylor's flight departure was announced again and she grabbed her stuff and ran to the line.

"So, who's in for some blueberry pancakes at the dinner?" Sandy asked after Taylor had embarked.

"I!" Kirsten and Summer replied in unison.

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"It feels good to be home!" Marissa said as she threw herself on her bed.

"I thought you'd said your home is in Greece now." Summer teased.

"I'll always miss this bedroom." She said. "I also miss sharing a bathroom with you!"

"How can you? I hate sharing bathrooms! There's never enough room for all the bath and makeup stuff…"

"When does Seth arrive?"

"He said he'll probably be here tomorrow morning. He thinks he's the Chrismukkah turkey… So important that he can't manage arriving a day earlier or two!" She said and Marissa laughed heartily.

"You only say this because you miss him! It's so good to see the two of you okay again…" She said, smiling to her friend.

Marissa had arrived around midday and they've had lunch with Julie, Neil and Jimmy. Afterwards, Julie had given her the car keys so she could drive her father to a nearby hotel. Jimmy had said that spending Christmas with your ex was enough. Staying at her house would be too much.

"So, has Ian called to tell you the news about his father?"

"He hasn't. I've tried calling him before we were on the plane, but I reached his voicemail. Then, I was on the plane, so the phone was off. So, I'm waiting for him to call me. It's his turn."

"Okay, then. What are you wearing tomorrow?" Summer asked.

"Mum's bought me a blue Vera Wang that is sooo cute! Let me show you…"

"Vera Wang? How cool is that?"

Marissa grabbed the Vera Wang bag and ran to the bathroom to try the dress on.

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When Kirsten, Sandy, Ryan and Theresa finished dinner, the latter two took Aiden for a stroll in the neighborhood.

"So, are you really okay with this?" Ryan couldn't get his mind off Marissa and at least now he had someone he could talk about it. After all, Theresa hadn't been around on Thanksgivings, so she wasn't fed up with the topic and also, she was more than aware that he still had feelings for Marissa.

When Kirsten had told him that Marissa's boyfriend had travelled to Scotland alone due to family issues, instead of she accompanying him and also that Marissa was coming to Newport with Jimmy instead had rocked his world. He'd thought it would be a long time before they would see each other again and now she was probably already at her house.

He wasn't sure how he was supposed to act around her. Maybe he should have invited Alicia… But he hadn't.

"If you are talking about Christmas being in Marissa's house and the fact that she's gonna be there, I've already said it is fine, Ryan. Actually, I'm wondering if _you_ are ok with it…" Theresa said. As always, she was very good in reading him.

"To tell you the truth, I'm not, really…"

"Elaborate." Theresa said, patiently.

"It's complicated… Last time we saw each other…"

He summarized what happened on Thanksgivings. Theresa listened.

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"Coop! I can't believe we're finally going to get a girl's night out and you're not even going to put some gloss on!" Summer whined.

"Sum, I don't know if I'm in the mood…" Marissa started.

"You gotta be! You can't be like this because of an old man you have never met! Mr. Davis is gonna be just fine…"

"I'm not like this because of Mr. Davis, Sum." Marissa said. "It's just that… I was kinda counting on Ian being here for Christmas…" She added, meaning that she was counting on Ian being there to keep her from doing something stupid when she was around Ryan.

"Awwhh… You're all lovey-dovey with him now! That's what I'm talking about! I heard you on the phone!" Summer said, giggling. "Anyways, it's a pity he can't come… But it can't stop us from enjoying ourselves! Now go and change that top! It's too loose…" She added, gesturing towards the closet.

Marissa shrugged and changed the top she was wearing for a green short strapless dress. Summer was right. It was a pity Ian couldn't make it, but she shouldn't stay at home. If she did, she'd probably spend all night being haunted by ghosts of her and Ryan making love in her bed. She had to keep herself busy, she thought to himself.

"Soo… How do I look?" She asked, giving a little spin.

"Fab! Now let's go. The Bait Shop awaits us! Can't wait to drive us there in my new car!!" Summer said, standing up and straightening her lilac blouse. Marissa hesitated.

"Do you think there's the slightest chance of us meeting Ryan there?" She asked. Summer shook her head.

"Nope. Julie told me he's at the Cohens' with Theresa and Aiden. They're having some family time." She replied. "He won't go anywhere without Seth… Those two are…" She made a pause. "Just like us!" She completed, laughing. Marissa smiled.

They headed out of Summer's bedroom.

"It's going to be so weird tomorrow night…" Marissa said out of the blue after they were inside the car.

"There's nothing weird. You have a boyfriend; Ryan probably has a girlfriend by now. You could try to make it easier by treating each other as good friends!" Summer suggested.

"I promise I'll try. I don't know if he'll want to, after everything I've said to him…" She said. "A part it he deserved it and he knows it… Why in the world he had to do it with Taylor, of all people?" She complained.

"Oh, that tiny detail…" Summer said. She knew there was the opportunity to clarify to Marissa what really had happened between Ryan and Taylor.

Marissa was staring at her agape while they drove out of the house. She hadn't given Ryan the opportunity to explain himself that morning. She had been so jealous that she had acted as if she was blind and deaf to his pleading. Great. Another item to add to her Ryan-related regret list.

She had messed up. After all she had put him through; he had always been there for her. When the first storm came, she had left him on his own. How could he still love her? She surely didn't deserve it, even though she wanted more than anything in the world to see his eyes looking at hers that way and his lips forming the three little words that meant the world to her.

"Coop? Earth calling… I knew I shouldn't have told you that…" Summer said, realizing that Marissa was probably thinking about Ryan now.

"No need to worry, Sum. I'm with Ian for real now. I won't get carried away again." She said. "Ryan and I have to become friends at some point. Better sooner than later." She added.

"That's my girl!" Summer said, trying to hide her worries.

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"You're still in love with her." She said when he finished.

"I never said I wasn't… It's just that, I don't know how to behave when I see her tomorrow… She said we are better off apart and I'm beginning to agree with her. Even though I miss her, I've said I'm not going after her and I mean it."

"That's a start. Can't you just try and be friends?" She suggested.

"We were never friends, actually. Since the first time I saw Marissa, I fell for her. We tried being friends right after you found out about Aiden but it didn't work, really."

"Well, at least this encounter won't be a surprise like the last one… Maybe the two of you won't be so emotional about it…"

"Rationalizing things would be good…" He started, but he never finished his sentence.

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"Oh my! Speaking of the devil…" Summer said. Marissa noticed she was slowing the car until it stopped.

"Why are you…" Marissa started to say, but she was speechless when she saw the reason Summer was stopping was the couple in the sidewalk with a blue baby stroller.

"Atwood! Theresa!" Summer beamed as she walked out of the car. Marissa froze in her seat.

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All rationality was swept away from him as he saw a shining new red Lexus stopping beside him and Theresa, with Marissa inside it and Summer leaping out of it.

"Hi Summer!" Theresa greeted, seeing as she was the least surprised of the group.

"Hi, dear! How are things? Kirsten told me you were coming for Chrismukkah with this tiny tiny little thing!" Summer said as she leaned closer to Aiden's stroller, babytalking.

"We are fine. A bit tired, Aiden hasn't been sleeping a lot, but every time I see him when I get home, it's all worthy." Theresa said, as the proud mom she was.

"Atwood, long time no see." Summer spoke, faking a complaint. "Where were you this morning? You missed blueberry pancakes at the diner after the airport!"

"I couldn't make it to Taylor's farewell… I had already arranged to pick up Theresa and Aiden..." He replied, absent-mindedly. All he could do was look at Marissa, who was slowly getting out of the car.

"So, what are your plans for tonight?" Summer asked Theresa.

"Plans?! Since Aiden was born I don't even try to plan a night, especially this week…" She explained to Summer, who smiled understandingly.

Marissa walked towards the group and, seeing as Ryan was the first person in sight, she had to greet him first. Her heart was pounding inside her chest. She could feel him looking at her and she knew her face was reddening.

"Hey…" She said, shyly.

She raised her head a bit to face him and when she looked into his eyes, she felt like melting. There were so many things she wanted to talk to him about, to say how relieved she felt when Summer had told her he and Taylor did nothing. To tell him how every tiny part of her had missed him and how much she wanted to be in his arms right now.

"Hi…" He replied, hesitantly. He looked at her as if he was under a spell. His gaze in itself was the greatest compliment he could give to her beauty. How Marissa managed to look more beautiful every time they met was a mystery to him. She looked so hot in that dress. His heart was racing like a wild horse and he knew he was doomed the minute she smiled to him. "You… You look beautiful…" Was all he managed to say.

**A/N: Long time no cliffy! What's gonna happen next? =)))**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

He noticed that she flushed redder with his compliment but she also smiled broadly to him. He hadn't been able to help himself at all. Marissa looked like a supermodel in that dress. It was his favorite.

"So, taking cutie here for a little stroll?" She asked, trying to make conversation. "Hi, Theresa! How have you been?" She asked, turning to greet Theresa.

"Hi, Marissa. Been great, thanks. Trying to get Aiden tired so he'll maybe get some sleep tonight…" Theresa replied, sympathetically.

"Are the two of you going out tonight?" Ryan asked, conversationally.

"Yup. Summer's taking me to a girl's night out…" Marissa replied.

"Just the two of you?" Ryan asked.

"Yup. Just the two of us."

"Who's going to drive you back home?" He asked, doing his best not to sound too concerned. "You know, drinking and driving…" He added.

"I am." Marissa said, proudly. "I am sober for almost a month now. I've joined the AA in Athens." She added.

Ryan couldn't hide how pleasantly surprised he was when he heard that.

"That's… That's great, really." He said, smiling. He was proud of her, he thought to himself.

"Anyways, I haven't…" Summer replied. "And I'm thirsty. Let's go. See you tomorrow, guys." She said, turning around.

However, she never finish turning, seeing as what she heard made her stop on her tracks.

"Don't you wanna come with us?" She heard Marissa's voice asking Ryan out. She couldn't believe her ears.

A second after the invitation left her mouth, Marissa was already scolding herself. What is it that is so wrong with me? I'm flirting with him, for God's sake, she thought to herself. I don't know how to act just as friends around him. She knew she had flashed him _the_ smile after asking him out and that, judging by the way he was looking at her the odds he was going to say yes were pretty good. She was sending him all the wrong signals and she knew it. It was written on his face how confused he felt. But she couldn't help herself. She wanted him to be near her. She'd missed him like crazy.

Ryan was shocked speechless for several seconds. Was Marissa flirting with him? Hadn't she been the one who had told him to stay away and that they were better apart?

"You could both leave Aiden with Kirsten, only for tonight, and come with us." Summer added quickly, trying to pretend Marissa's invitation had included Theresa.

"No, but thanks. I've got to put this little guy here to sleep." Theresa replied, looking at Aiden in the stroller, who had his eyes wide open, showing no sign of sleepiness. "Besides," she yawned. "I gotta get some sleep myself. If Aiden allows me, of course." She added.

"Are you sure about that? I'm guessing you don't know who's gonna play tonight…" Summer prompted.

"Okay, Summer. I'm curious. Who's gonna play tonight?" He asked.

"This probably is gonna hurt," Summer made a dramatic pause, "Journey is playing tonight…" She said.

"You should go, Ryan, really, it's only one night, I can handle Aiden." Theresa said, smiling reassuringly.

Ryan looked torn. He knew he had few opportunities to bond with his son. He also knew that he could use this opportunity to make things right with Marissa. If she managed to smile less to him, he could try and be friends with her from tonight on. He had to choose as Marissa had once told him he would have to.

When she read the look in his eyes, Marissa wished she hadn't invited him.

"I know you can," Ryan said to Theresa. "I'm sorry, bab… Marissa," He corrected himself quickly. "I'm gonna stay in and help Theresa even though she says she doesn't need me." He said, trying to smile.

"Ooww, Atwood! That's sooo cute!" Summer cooed. "I always knew you were gonna be this great Daddy! Anyway, it's a pity, really." She added. "What wouldn't I give to see the two of you hanging out as friends?" Summer said, humorously. It was funny to see Ryan and Marissa trying to act as friends, seeing as they only had eyes for each other. The sad part was that they couldn't find a way to be together, even though they were so obviously in love.

"It's a pity, really. It would be fun." Marissa added.

"Sorry to disappoint you girls. I've got to be a good dad whenever I have the chance to." He replied smiling as he felt he was doing the right thing.

"Summer's right. You're a daddy now." Marissa added. "Never mind not going. We've got the entire winter break to hang out." She smiled.

"Isn't Ian coming?" Ryan asked, not able to restrain himself after her promising words.

That caught her off guard. She had completely forgotten about Ian, Mr. and Mrs. Davis. From the instant Summer had told her that nothing had happened between Taylor and Ryan, all her resolve of staying safely with Ian and away from Ryan had momentarily vanished. She stuttered but didn't manage to say anything, so, Summer filled for her.

"He is, actually. His father is kinda sick, so we are not sure if he's gonna be here for Chrismukkah, but he'll probably be around before New Year's. We can all hang out together when he arrives." She explained.

Aiden started to cry lightly in the stroller, stretching his arms towards Theresa. She leaned to hold him and started shushing him.

"We should get going…" Ryan said, also heading towards Aiden. "Maybe he's hungry…"

"Which reminds me we're gonna be late, Coop! Get inside that car! Can't wait to flash it at Holly's face!" Summer said, grinning. "See you tomorrow, guys".

"See you, girls." Theresa replied.

Marissa flashed him a smile and said goodbye to Theresa and she turned to follow Summer back inside the car.

She looked so much better than the last time they'd seen each other at the LAX. She was positively thriving. Her hair was perfect, her cheeks were very pink and her mouth looked plumper. She even seemed to have gained some weight in all the right places. Maybe Ian was really making her happy, after all, he thought to himself, sadly. Alicia was a fine girl and he really wanted things to work between them but she wasn't Marissa.

Seeing her made him realize how much he'd missed her. He kept repeating to himself that things were better off this way.

Funny thing was Marissa didn't seem mad at him about Taylor anymore. After everything they had been through in Thanksgivings and all the pain he'd felt when she'd left, one thing he was sure about: he didn't want to go through it again.

All he wanted to do now was to be near her, to ask her what had changed about her, to say how proud he felt that she wasn't drinking anymore and that was that. He wasn't going to risk it anywhere further.

Around fifteen minutes after the girls had left; Ryan and Theresa started their stroll back to the Cohens' residence.

"This house feels empty when Seth's not around." Ryan commented as they entered the living room.

Kirsten and Sandy were nowhere to be seen. When he went to the kitchen to get some juice for Theresa, he found a note stuck on the fridge, saying that they had taken Jimmy to El Pavo Guapo and that they would be back around eleven.

By the time he arrived back at the living room, Theresa was feeding Aiden his bottle. Her breast milk had dried very early so Aiden had to be fed with artificial milk. He sat beside them in silence.

His mind was too full of images of Marissa and of the way she smiled to him when she asked him out. He was still trying to figure out what had gotten into her that changed so much her attitude towards him.

"So, how did it feel?" Theresa asked about two seconds after he sat.

"Meeting Marissa?" He asked. Then, he let out a loud sigh.

"Meeting Marissa without her boyfriend and looking prettier than ever." Theresa replied. "That girl knows how to dress up." She said added.

"I just… I-I wanted my feelings to have changed but they haven't. It's frustrating, really." He confessed. "She smiles to me and I'm smitten…"

"Seen that, been there." Theresa commented, remembering how easily he'd gotten back with Marissa after they've had the brief fling that resulted in Aiden.

"It's awkward talking to her as a friend but… I'd rather have that than keep asking her to stay with me and listen to her saying no and arguing about it every time we meet…"

"Sometimes it's better to simply let things happen, Ryan. If you are meant to be together, at some point, you will be."

"You're right, I guess.' He replied, not able to keep himself from hoping that they would find a way of being together at some point of their story.

"Oh my God…" Theresa spoke in a low voice. "Look at this…" She carried on, speaking low.

Ryan leaned closer quickly. She could only be talking about Aiden.

The baby's eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly and quietly.

"Is he asleep?" Ryan asked, taking care not to speak too loudly. Theresa chuckled.

"Course he is." She replied. "I can't believe it was so easy this time… It's not even midnight yet!" Theresa was positively grinning.

'Great! You're finally gonna be able to get some real sleep…" Ryan said. "I wonder why he decided to change his sleeping schedule today, of all days." He added.

"Maybe he missed his daddy…" Theresa said, smiling to him.

"Yeah, maybe he did. I missed him as well. This little guy has grown on me…" Ryan admitted, stretching his arms to hold Aiden.

They went upstairs together and Ryan put the baby in the crib. Theresa yawned.

"I…" She yawned again. "I'm really not going to be able to keep you company, Ryan… I'm totaled."

"It's fine… I'll just go downstairs and watch a movie until I fall sleep on the couch…" Ryan replied.

"Why don't you go and meet the girls at the Bait Shop?" Theresa suggested.

Ryan hesitated for one second.

"Do you think I should?"

"Come on… I know you're dying to go… You've been a good dad for enough time today. You've changed diapers, taken us for a stroll, you've even helped me to put Aiden to sleep successfully!" She replied. "'Course you should go!"

"Maybe I should call Alicia…" Ryan said, hesitantly. After all, he had been hanging out with Alicia and he was about to go out with another girl. And it wasn't any girl, it was Marissa.

"Are you expecting her to keep you from going?" Theresa asked. "Don't fool yourself, Ryan. You know you're going with or without Alicia's say so." She added.

"Ok, you've busted me… From the minute she invited me I couldn't think about anything else but saying yes…" He confessed.

"It was written on your face…. Just go." Theresa said. "I'm not really sure if you should call Alicia… She's having fun with her friends in Vermont, right?"

"Right."

"If your only intention is to have fun with Marissa and Summer at the Bait Shop, I see no need to call and get her wondering about what could happen between you and Marissa. However, if you're going after Marissa, maybe you should be honest and let Alicia know it's not her you wanna be with."

"I'm not going after her. So, no need to call." He said, more to convince himself than Theresa.

"Ok, then. Have fun." Theresa said. "Maybe the three of us could go to the beach in the morning?" She suggested, pointing to them and to Aiden.

"Sounds great to me. See you in the morning, then."

"Take care."

As Ryan left the room, Theresa made a silent prayer so her friend wouldn't do anything stupid.

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Around eleven o'clock, after about ten minutes of unsuccessful search inside the crowded bar, a familiar voice greeted him from behind.

"Ryan Atwood! It's been a while…" A female voice said. When he turned around, a beautiful blue eyed blonde with purple highlights was smiling to him.

"Alex! You're back…" He smiled to her.

'Yup. Back to Newport and back to being the manager here. I'm guessing you're looking for Marissa…"

"I am… She's with Summer. Have you seen them?"

"Upstairs. Left side. Zach is with them and also some other water polo guys from Harbor." She informed.

He headed to the upper part of the Bait Shop, listening to his favorite band. He was still asking himself why he had come when Marissa turned around from the little group she was in and saw him. And the broad smile she gave him explained without words the reason why he was there.

"You've changed your mind!" She said when he was next to her.

"I didn't, actually. Aiden changed his", he said, "He decided he is going to sleep tonight and is going to be up tomorrow, like regular babies do." He explained.

"It's great that you showed up. As you can see, Summer and Zach always seem to have a lot to catching up to do… I was beginning to feel lonely." She said. "I can't really talk with most people from Harbor anymore… They remind me of my shallow past…" She added, whispering in his ear. He chuckled.

"What are you drinking? Can I get you something?" He asked, out of habit.

"Nothing, thanks. I've just had a red berries smoothie…" Marissa replied.

"I keep forgetting you're not drinking anymore… Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. It takes time to get used to. Summer has offered me vodka about five times since we got here." She said, laughing softly.

"At least it's a good thing to get used to." He said, smiling. "Do you wanna dance? I could be your bodyguard…" He added.

"I think I'm gonna pass that. Actually, I'd rather sit… I've been standing all night, my feet are killing me!" She whined.

"Come on, let's find a table."

"Yup. Let's."

They had barely walked two steps when they heard Summer squeal.

"Oh my God! Atwood! You've made it!" She said as she walked towards him and threw herself in his arms in a clumsy hug.

"I did. Aiden decided to sleep early today."

"It'ssss soo good when we friends are together!" She said as she grabbed Marissa into the same hug.

Ryan was starting to wonder why Summer was so happy in seeing him when he felt her breath. It was pure Absolut.

Marissa laughed her crystalline laugh.

"Sum! I can't believe you're already drunk!" She said.

"Let me take care of her" Zach said, turning in their direction when he heard Marissa's remark. "By the way, hey Ryan".

"I… I don't need to be taken care of! I wanna dance!" Summer retorted.

"Hey, Zach." Ryan greeted him back.

He and Zach exchanged a meaningful look. Seth wasn't going to like that.

"I've got her covered. She's had a little too much but I'm not letting her drink another drop." Zach said.

"Are you sure?" Marissa asked.

"Are you leaving now?" Zach asked.

"Nope. Ryan's just arrived. We're staying 'till the end of the show." Marissa replied.

"I'll take care of her. You just go ahead and do whatever you were about to…" Zach said, making a gesture of dismissal.

The meaning of his words was pretty clear. To make it worse, he had winked to them. Ryan and Marissa exchanged an embarrassed look. Marissa flushed.

"It's not like that, man…" Ryan started to explain. After all, everybody knew that Marissa lived with Ian in Greece; he didn't want her to get a bad reputation. He loved her, but he didn't want to be her lover in the wrong sense of the word.

"Hey, quit explaining this…" Zach said. "The entire town knows you love each other. Do you really think anyone would judge you?" He asked Ryan.

Marissa's eyes widened. Ryan really was a gentleman, but… Was it so obvious to everyone else? There was chemistry in the air from the minute they had met at the sidewalk, it was undeniable. When Zach put it that way, it seemed like they were so right to each other. Even though she'd done so much to ruin it… And God knew how much she regretted it. She only wished she could do some magic that would take back all their past and give her and Ryan a fresh start. She should have fought harder, she thought to herself. Before she could wander further, she heard Ryan's voice and was dragged back to the real world.

"Still. We are friends now, that's all." Ryan insisted. He purposely looked away from Marissa. He didn't have the guts to say it to her. It was a big fat lie and he knew she wouldn't buy it. She wasn't just his friend. She was his world.

She felt a pang when she heard that word. She knew she and Ryan were anything but friends, at least to her.

"Okay, then. Just go and I'll be right here with Summer." Zach said, dismissing them again.

When Ryan and Marissa started to walk towards a table nearby, Zach let out a sigh.

"It's like they have each other's names flashing in their foreheads, isn't it?" Summer spoke to him. "It's so obvious how they're still in love…"

"Yeah," Zach agreed. "They are one of those couples…" He added, remembering that he had once upon a time got in the middle of another of "those couples".

"The way you said Seth and I are, right?" Summer asked, letting out a hiccup. "Oops! Sorry!" She added, chuckling lightly.

"Right. I don't know how they manage to be so close without relapsing…" Zach said, moving his head towards the table where Marissa and Ryan were sitting together. Summer turned to look.

Ryan and Marissa were absolutely still. They were looking into each other's eyes and their mouths weren't making a single move. Yet, there seemed to be so much going on between them in their stillness. There was hurt, obviously, but there was embarrassment and regret and fear in their gazes. It was painful to look at. But there was also love. Lots of love.

"It's awful that they can't make it work, isn't it?" Summer said. "Look at them…" She said, making a discreet gesture towards their friends.

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Marissa had been completely still since they had sat. She seemed to be far away. She had only opened her mouth to order a smoothie. Not that they had been sitting for more than five minutes, but her being so quiet when she had been so smiley all night long was making him anxious.

She was absorbed in her thoughts. What were they doing? She was tired, her feet hurt but they certainly shouldn't have moved away from Summer and Zach. Had she created an excuse to be alone with him? She didn't even know what she would do now, what she should say. She was sorry about so many things that she didn't know where she should start apologizing. She was embarrassed.

However, she never looked away from him. Her gaze was fixed at some point of his face. She had missed him. And hell, he wasn't able to look away from her either.

He had been struggling to put a strain on himself. The impulse of saying how much he loved her, how desperate he was to try and make being together work, remind her how good they could make each other feel despite all the mess their relationship had been through…

"What's going on?" was all he managed to say.

"Nothing… Really." She replied calmly, now staring into his eyes. She smiled to him reassuringly. She noticed she had been silent for a while and that probably had got him worked up.

"Are you sure? Do you want to go home early? Maybe stop by at the ice cream parlor?" He asked in a sweet tone. "You look like you're worrying about something…" He added.

"No, baby, thanks." Oh my God! I just called him baby, she thought to herself. Too late to take it back. "I… I'm not really used to being friends…" She said, letting out a sigh. Being honest was her best option.

He tried to take his gaze away from hers but she was staring at him, questioningly. Her bright blue eyes had a way of holding him, of dragging his eyes to hers. She was probing him. She wasn't used to being friends? What about him? He, who felt his heart skip a beat every time she looked at him the way she was doing now.

"Now, come on… What did I say? You are paler than a sheet of paper!" Marissa giggled. The confusion in his face was so much more blatant now than when they'd met earlier that it was funny.

"You really should stop doing this, Marissa…" He warned her, but his tone wasn't serious as he'd intended.

"But I'm not doing anything! I'm just trying to be honest with you…" She said. "I want to be friends, even though I don't know how. If that's all we can have…"

She flashed him a sad smile. He felt his heart melting. There she was, smiling to him as if she didn't have his heart in her hands. If she carried on doing that, he wouldn't be able to continue with this "we are friends now" thing.

"You look even more beautiful when you smile…" He said before he could stop himself. Saying how beautiful she was felt so natural that the words simply came out of his mouth like they had a will of their own.

"Thanks…" Marissa replied. "That was very friendly of you." She added a hint of sarcasm to her voice.

"Don't be like this, Marissa. I was the one who begged you to stay the last time. I'm not gonna do it again." He retorted.

"You're not supposed to beg me anything. I'm not expecting you to…" She said, sounding rueful.

Ryan's phone rang. He saw Alicia's name in the caller ID.

"I gotta pick this." He said to Marissa, using the opportunity to calm down.

Marissa nodded in agreement and started sipping her smoothie. She wondered who could be calling him so late in the night. She also wondered who would make him interrupt a conversation like the one they were about to have. She didn't know how to be friends with him. She didn't want to be friends with him. She was hurting with need of him.

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"Hey." He said to the phone.

"Hi! You never called back…" She said, but there was no sign of demand in her voice.

"I didn't… Sorry…"

"So, what are you up to?"

"Actually, I'm at a club with Summer, Marissa and a few friends from Harbor." He replied. Truth was always the best way.

"Marissa? As in: your ex Marissa?" Alicia asked, not able to disguise her surprise. It surely wasn't a pleasant surprise to know that your guy was in a club with his ex, but she managed to keep herself calm.

"Yup. That Marissa." He answered. Gosh, could this get more embarrassing? Marissa's head had turned to another direction but he knew she was listening.

"So… Am I right in guessing you're not stopping by on New Year's?" Alicia asked. She was a grown girl, for God's sake and she knew the whole story. She had never had big expectations, anyway.

"Sorry, Alicia, I didn't mean things to happen this way…"

"It's ok. Really." Alicia replied. "I knew all along you were still in love with her."

"I am. And I'm sorry. Really…" Ryan was at a loss for what to say.

"No worries. Call me when you're over her." Alicia said, not sounding too hurt. "Maybe we can have our own story someday." She added.

"Yeah..." He agreed. "Take care."

He hung up. There went his second and last attempt of forgetting Marissa with someone else, he promised to himself.

Alicia was a nice girl. They even had some real chemistry. They didn't have a heavy past to deal with… It was a real pity that he couldn't make himself get over Marissa. Probably only time would do the trick. Maybe she'd do the trick herself. She'd done it before. There had been a time in their relationship that despite all the love he felt for her, he couldn't stand being near her. Which was exactly the opposite of what was going on now. Her single smell was inviting him in. All he wanted to do was be near her.

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Marissa was eyeing him with curiosity. She'd heard the conversation. It was pretty clear she had questions.

He wondered what he should say. However, when he reminded himself of why he had gotten involved with Alicia in the first place, of the pain he had been through since Marissa had left again in that rainy Thanksgivings morning and also the reason why he never went to be near her in that hospital bed… He couldn't avoid the bitterness that spilled through his words.

"So, when are you and Ian planning to marry?" He asked.

Marissa was shocked speechless for a second or two. But the answer came out of her mouth so naturally that she was surprised with herself. And so was Ryan.

"I… I can't marry him." She said. Then, she took a deep breath. "I'm still in love with you…" She added, not managing to look into his eyes.

A rush of joy flowed through his veins. His heart was beating very very fast. His head was spinning. If only she knew how anxiously he'd been waiting for her to say it again since that morning at the Cohens'…

However, the same memory reminded him that even though she'd said she was still in love with him, that didn't mean she was going to stay with him and be together happily ever after. He also remembered how he'd felt like shit when she'd run away from him right after they'd made love. He must have made a awful face.

Marissa rushed to apologize.

"I'm sorry. Really. I know I have no right to say that to you… Not after what I did." Marissa said, rueful. The pain in his eyes was so clear that she could tell that he was struggling with himself so he could resist to what she was saying. "I misjudged you… On the Taylor thing…"

"What has made you change your mind?" He asked. "You never listened to me…"

"Summer told me about you and Taylor and about what didn't happen in Thanksgivings…" She answered.

"So, is this what this is about?" He asked, feeling slightly impatient.

"No. This thing is not about you and Taylor. It's about us."

"I wasn't aware that there was still 'us'" He replied, trying very hard not to let himself soften, even though he knew his heart was done.

"You are right. There is no us anymore…" She sighed and looked down.

Ryan raised his gaze to look at her. A single tear was streaking down her beautiful cheek. He felt like his heart was being torn in two.

"There is me, still in love with you, even though I have no right to… I've screwed things the first time I've left to Greece, because I had to… There was no place for me here. But there's no excuse for hurting you again the way I did on Thanksgivings…" She said, her voice very low. "I was mistaken, I felt hurt… I got everything wrong… I'm so, so sorry…" She said, more tears pooling in her eyes.

"It kills me that I hurt you that way. If I hadn't been with Taylor, you wouldn't have left again, in the first place..." Before he could stop himself, there he was, forgiving her, assuming the guilt for her actions, as he always did.

"If I hadn't been lying to Ian about how I felt about you… I'm sure you'd never have done what you did."

"Listening to you saying that all you felt for me was friendship, after we kissed like that… Was like losing you all over again…" He said, looking into her eyes, trying to make her see that he wouldn't stand losing her again.

Marissa could read the pain in his eyes. She felt the impulse of throwing herself in his arms. When she was about to say again how sorry she felt, Zach's voice spoke behind her.

"Hey… I'm really sorry to interrupt you, guys…" He hesitated. "Summer's not well. She's even more wasted than before and she won't stop drinking, for Christ's sake…" He added, in a concerned tone.

"We have to take her home," Ryan said, not as worried as Zach. He was kind of expecting it to happen.

"She can't really do vodka... I told her she should drink beer but she wouldn't listen…" Marissa said.

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About ten minutes later, they managed to get Summer inside Ryan's car, with Marissa and Ryan. Zach followed them to the Roberts' house, driving Summer's new car.

Despite Summer's noisy arrival, neither Julie nor Neil woke up. As soon as she got out of the car, Summer puked in the driveway.

"Oh my God, Sum…" Marissa said, as she held her friend's hair back.

"You have to take care of me, Coop! You owe me!" Summer retorted. "Besides, I'm a good drunk!" She said, before her weight shifted and Marissa nearly fell trying to support her weight.

"Ryan! A little help here!" Marissa cried and Ryan got out of the car and held Summer in his arms.

"Let's get her inside." He said, walking towards the door.

"Cohen was the one supposed to carry me through the threshold, Atwood!" Summer giggled as Ryan entered the house with her in his arms

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Zach parked the Lexus, he walked towards Marissa.

"Do you still need me? She's gonna be okay after she has a cold shower, right?" He asked.

"Nope. Thanks, you were great help. Summer was a handful tonight!"

"It was nothing, really. You know I like her." Zach smiled. "So, if you don't need me, I'm heading home…"

"I wonder why has she gotten that drunk…"

"She said she's scared… That she doesn't know if she's ready to commit that way…" Zach started, but interrupted himself as he read the astonishment in Marissa's eyes. "Hasn't she told you?"

"What type of commitment are you talking about?" Marissa asked. "She hasn't told me anything."

"Well, I guess you should ask her yourself…" Zach replied. "Maybe she got drunk to get some liquid courage…"

"You're really not telling me what is it?" Marissa asked again.

"The story is not mine to share…" Zach said, shrugging. "Sorry and bye." He said, turning to leave.

Marissa pouted. Why hadn't Summer told her what was going on? Had something gone so terribly bad that she didn't have the courage to tell her best friend? She asked herself.

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She didn't have lots of time to wonder about her friend. When she was turning around to go inside and check on Summer, she bumped into a strong, broad chest.

"Whoa! Sorry!" Ryan chuckled, holding her so she wouldn't lose her balance. "I didn't mean to tackle you…"

"Are you leaving?" The fact that he was at the door obviously meant he wanted to leave, what a silly question to ask, she thought.

"Yup. Summer's asleep in her bedroom. It's still the lilac one, isn't it?

"It is…" Marissa replied, absent minded. All she could think now was that she couldn't breathe if he wasn't with her. "Do you really have to go now?" She asked.

"I… I really think I should go, Marissa…" He replied, avoiding her brilliant eyes deliberately. He was afraid things could get out of hand if they stayed together. They had said too much to each other at the Bait Shop.

"I'll be good. I promise." Marissa smiled to him.

After that smile, he knew he was done. His voice was husky. It was supposed to be a warning, but it only let out how weak he felt when she smiled like that.

"Marissa…" He said and she smiled to him again. Damn it, he thought to himself. I knew all the way this friends thing was a no can do.

"We could hang out by the pool, drink some juice…' She chuckled. How funny it was to ask him to have a juice with her instead of a drink. But, somehow, she knew he'd love that.

"Okay, okay… That one has won me over…I'll stay for the juice…" He said, finally giving in to her will, which was also his own.

"Keep telling yourself that the juice made you stay…" She said, smiling to him provocatively.

They headed inside, laughing together as they remembered Summer's funny lines at the car. Seth was gonna flip when he found out that she'd drunk like that and worse, that they had left her with Zach Stevens.

"That secret has to die with us." Marissa said, still laughing as she pictured Seth's reaction. She finished pouring Ryan some Coke.

"My lips are sealed." Ryan smiled.

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They had been laying there for about one hour.

Marissa had sat at a recliner when they'd arrived in the pool yard and, after a minute or two, she complained that she was cold.

Ryan, who had lost his determination of staying safely away some time ago, offered himself to warm her. He got them a blanket and they were bundled up together in the recliner.

It felt so good being in his arms again that she could think of nothing at all. It was peaceful. They hadn't said a word to each other since she had nested herself in his arms.

It was the sweetest torture he had ever been through. The smell of her hair, the touch of her smooth skin in his arms. Her neck so close to his mouth. The feeling of her breathing against his chest… He rested his head against hers.

"What am I supposed to do, Marissa?" He asked, feeling helpless. Being this close was making resisting her impossible. "I can't be this near you, baby…" He whispered in her ear.

She turned her head to look into his eyes. She saw so much love and struggle back in his gaze that she felt herself tremble.

"And I can't be away from you…" She whispered back. "I love you, baby…"

They leaned closer until there was almost no space between their mouths and bodies.

"Please, don't regret this..." Ryan whispered as he put his lips on hers in a kiss that he intended to be sweet but was fierce, desperate with passion, with longing.

When they let go of the kiss, Marissa was breathless. Ryan was suspicious. He was afraid that she would run away from him again.

"Don't look at me like that… I'm not going anywhere." She smiled to him.

"So, you don't regret this already?" He asked, surprised.

"One, it was just a kiss… Two, I'm done regretting things. I love you, it's only right that we get to be together." She replied. "Three… There's still one little thing I wouldn't regret that we could do…" She added, smiling sexily.

"Marissa… I don't know what has changed you mind that much, but… I really think we should take things slowly…"

"I missed you." She replied simply. "Like I had left a part of myself behind…"

"And I missed you. But we don't need to rush into things to prove that… It's not like we've never done it before…" He said, as he kissed her again, slowly, savoring the moment.

And there they stayed, kissing and holding hands. He convinced her he wanted it to be special for them, that being back together this time wasn't a rash decision like what had happened in Thanksgivings.

"I want to love you the right way… Not in the Cohens' living room or bathroom… You're worth so much more than that…"

"But I want you, baby…"

"Come on, Marissa… It will give us both time to think things through before we take another step…" He said. "I want you, too… Like: want you really bad." He added in a husky voice.

"I'm all yours…" She purred, rubbing herself all over him.

"I'll stop by later and we'll find a way of being together, alone…" He promised.

"Later? But later is so far away…" She complained.

"Later, baby. You won't regret it. I promise." He smiled.

"I missed having you bossing me around…" She purred.

"Come on, let me get you to bed. It's almost four…" He said, standing up. He carried her in his arms to her bedroom. They stayed cuddled together and he watched her until she fell asleep. He couldn't believe what was happening. He felt happy beyond words. He could have stayed there and watch her sleep forever.

**A/N: Guys, I'm sooo terribly sorry! I've lost my pen drive at my College's lab, with half of this chapter written, in the beginning of September and I just couldn't rewrite it the way I wanted it to be. Thanks God a good soul found it and found me. Sorry again for the delay and I promise we're going back to the old schedule of about one update every two weeks, maximum, okay? **

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. =) And DO review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: ****Writer's block. Severe one. I'm just glad this chapter finally came out. Intend to post 15 real soon. Hope you enjoy it.**

Ryan entered the Cohens' house quietly. He didn't want to wake Kirsten and Sandy. There would certainly be questions, seeing as neither of them was used to him arriving home this late… Or this early, to be more accurate. It was nearly five o'clock. After he'd left Summer's house, he had made a quick stop at the diner and bought himself some takeout.

He needed time to think things through. He headed towards the pool house, seeing as he and Seth would be occupying it. Theresa and Aiden were at Seth's bedroom. When he finished eating, he lay on his bed.

He closed his eyes and all he saw was Marissa's beautiful face right before they'd kissed. He'd always known that his feelings for her hadn't changed, but since the moment he realized she wasn't staying with him on Thanksgivings, he'd started trying to bury them… However, he was a hopeless case, he had to admit that. His efforts simply didn't work when Marissa was around. He loved her and he couldn't help it.

Had she really meant what she said? He wanted desperately to believe her words, but kept asking himself if it wasn't wishful thinking on his part.

He felt a pang as his mind pictured Marissa taking back her words. He was afraid. He knew she was perfectly capable of doing it. She'd never been an unhesitating person. Her decisions were always accompanied of lots of "what ifs". Things had happened fast. From the moment they had met at the sidewalk, he'd wished to believe her signs, her words. He'd held himself to the dream of things magically working out between them. And it had happened.

They'd been so close all night long… It had to happen the way it did… Actually, the way things were headed, a lot more was supposed to happen… But he hadn't wanted to take advantage of her. He wanted her to decide to be with him, without pressure, without hormones driving them crazy.

He closed his eyes as he remembered the soft touch of her skin… Marissa's legs entwined with his, the sweet taste of her mouth against his. Oh, God, he thought to himself, I can't let her go again… He'd propose to her if that was the case, but there was no way he was gonna let her leave to Greece without him.

Thinking of Greece, he also remembered that Marissa was still in a compromised situation… She was still with Ian, which was going through a lot with his father back in Ireland. He was a good guy and it was very clear that he loved Marissa too. But he couldn't manage to feel guilty about what they were doing. Marissa was his and he was hers, since the very first time they'd laid eyes on each other. He wouldn't lose her to anyone, no matter how nice the guy was.

Anyway, they still had to keep this to themselves. He knew that Summer and Seth would flip when they heard they were together again, but he didn't want to tell anyone until he was sure they were _really together. _Also, he didn't want people to start talking about them having an affair or that sort of thing when Ian arrived from Ireland. They'd have to take things slowly and discreetly until she broke up with him and they could tell everyone about them.

He decided to text her, before she could meet Summer and break the news to her best friend: "Babe, I think it's best we keep this to ourselves. Love u. See you later." When he finished, he closed his eyes and slept soundly.

* * *

Marissa opened her eyes and saw everything blurry. She felt sleepy. She'd been dreaming about a beautiful beach in Greece. She sighed. Her phone was ringing. She reached the end table with her right hand and checked the caller ID. It was Ian's number.

She looked at her wrist watch: 7 a.m. Could she pretend to be asleep and not pick the call? She took a deep breath. She knew she couldn't. Ian was going through a complicated time of his life with his family and it was bad enough that she had relapsed with her ex. Not answering his calls would be plain mean, she thought to herself.

"Hello…" She spoke, hesitantly.

"Hey, babe. Did I wake you?" His voice was so soft that she couldn't help feeling a pang of regret.

"Yeah… A little." She answered. "How are things? I tried to reach you yesterday but your phone was out of area."

"They're not good, babe. Not good at all. I'm not gonna be able to be there for you on Christmas." He said, and he sounded terribly sad about it.

"I kinda saw that one coming… Don't worry about it. How's your dad?"

"He's in the hospital. He's had a stroke and…" He made a pause and she heard him taking a deep breath. "He can't walk on his own, he is not speaking either. I'm worried, Marissa. He's not well. At all."

"God… How did that happen?"

"The doctors say that heavy smokers at his age have a higher chance of having a stroke… That he's lucky that the problem was only from the waist down…"

"I don't know what to say…" She was at a complete loss for words.

"It's been hard… My mother, who was supposed to be helping, is so taken aback that the doctors are giving her sleeping pills…"

"Do you want me to go over there and meet you?" She offered, more out of pity than because she really meant it.

"No, babe. I just called to say that I wish I could be there with you. And to ask you to apologize to your parents, but I really won't be able to make it for Christmas. Maybe New Year's if his condition improves. The doctors have said that he'll be on a wheelchair for now and that, in time, he may walk again."

"Don't mind my parents. Course they won't be offended." She paused. "Will he be going through physiotherapy?"

"Yes. And he'll also have a phonoaudiologist from now on, to help him to speak clearly again. He's gotta a long way to go until he's back to his old self." Marissa heard him sighing.

"Thanks God you have the means and your mother is with him." She said. "If that happened to my dad, it would be me and me to take care of him."

"Enough talking about sad stuff. How are things in Newport?" He asked, hoping her good news would help him cheering up.

"They're fine. Sum's arrived. We went out last night, she drank a lot and now she's so wasted in her bedroom." She chuckled.

"I'm guessing you didn't drink. Am I right?" He asked, never letting it show that he was worried she'd relapse while in Newport.

"Yes, sir. You're right." She smiled. She loved the way he trusted her regarding this.

"Have you and Ryan met already?" He had to ask that. Knowing what he thought as the whole story, it was impossible to pretend he was oblivious to the Ryan effect on his girlfriend.

"Nope. We haven't". She paused. "Summer told me he's been with Theresa and Aiden. I'm guessing I'll probably see him tonight." She added.

She could barely believe the words she had just said. She had lied with such ease. She didn't have the courage to tell Ian what was going on between her and Ryan. Again. She barely knew how to define what was going on. It had been too much. He didn't deserve what she'd done and he also didn't deserve to know about it in such a difficult time in his life. It wasn't that she didn't love him. They had shared great moments together when they were back in Greece. And he did help her mend when she needed it the most. In a way, she loved him.

But, if she loved Ian, how could she describe what she felt for Ryan? It was a sense of belonging, of being where she should be when she was with him. He always made her happy beyond words. He'd always show with actions and words how crazy he was about her. And she was crazy about him too. She could feel her heart accelerating at the mere thought of meeting him later. Without anyone around to interfere. Just the two of them. She didn't know where they'd go from there, but she had given up fighting her feelings. If they managed to work things out these holidays, she would come back to Newport and they would be happily ever after. Yeah, they'd have lots of explaining to do, but she knew, deep inside, that it was best when they were together.

"Marissa? Are you listening?" Ian's voice made her come back from her dreams.

"Yup. Sorry. I'm kinda dizzy with sleep." She said, trying to hide her distraction.

"Sorry for calling so early. I just needed to hear your voice."

"It's okay. I missed you, too."

"I gotta go now. I came home only to shower and get back to the hospital".

"Okay, then. Tell your mother I'll pray for things to go back to their places".

"I love you, Marissa."

"Me too." She replied.

When they hung up, she let out a loud sigh. She felt guilty beyond words. Ian simply didn't deserve it.

When she was about to get back to sleep, she noticed Ryan's message in her phone. Sure. She wouldn't tell anyone. Not even Summer. Despite the happiness she felt in reading his words saying how much he loved her, she couldn't pretend that what they were doing was right. It was pretty obvious someone would be very hurt as a result of it.

"Seth?! Aren't you supposed to be home already?" Ryan asked, feeling a little dizzy when he heard the voice in the other side of the line.

He had barely got the chance to sleep when he'd arrived from Summer's house. About half an hour after he'd closed his eyes, Theresa had showed up, asking if the beach was still on. Despite feeling very tired, he couldn't say no.

They had sat at the beach for a while and, when Theresa decided to take a walk by the sea, he went to sit by a table at the boardwalk with Aiden, who was asleep in his stroller. He hadn't realized that he was dozing off until his cell phone rang. He frowned as he looked again at the caller ID.

"Seth? Is that really you?" He asked, confused.

"Morning, Ryan." Seth's voice sounded slightly irritated.

"Why are you calling? Get your ass down here. I'm home."

"I'm supposed to be home". Seth said, emphasizing at the word _supposed_. "And yet, surprisingly, I am at the LAX". He added, with a hint of sarcasm.

"You're kidding me".

"Come on, just tell me this is one of Summer's crazy surprises… I really need to hear that…"

Then it finally dawned on Ryan. Summer was supposed to pick Seth at the LAX and drive him home… And she probably was in no shape to perform that task, Ryan thought. She probably woke up with a hell of a hangover. He had to think of a quick way of saving Summer's hide, seeing as Seth would fry her if he found out who they'd been hanging out at the Bait Shop.

"Ryan? Mind not making such a long pause? I'm starting to worry… I've been waiting for two hours… She won't even pick up the damn phone!"

"She's probably forgotten it on silent mode…" Ryan said. "Don't worry. I'll stop by, pick her up and we'll all drive to L.A. and pick you up."

"Silent mode?! Her phone _is never_ on silent mode, Ryan. Are you hiding something from me?"

Good gracious, Ryan thought. Seth had guessed right. He wasn't only hiding one thing but two. Summer drunk, around Zach and his relapse with Marissa, if that could be called relapsing.

"I'm not. You're freaking out. Just chill and we'll pick you up in one hour or so." And he hung up without giving Seth a chance to retort.

* * *

Kirsten was sitting at a stool in the kitchen drinking a glass of orange juice when they arrived at the Cohen's.

"Hey, kids. Did Aiden have a good time by the beach?" She asked as soon as they entered.

"He seemed to enjoy the breeze… Fell asleep instantly." Theresa replied.

"Kirsten, can I borrow your car?" Ryan asked.

"Sure. You know you don't need to ask. May I ask where are you driving?" Kirsten replied.

"L.A."

"What?!" Kirsten and Theresa spoke at the same time.

"Seth's stuck at the LAX. Summer was supposed to pick him up but she didn't, so, I'm going to."

"He didn't call me or anything, I just assumed she'd picked him up and that they were together somewhere…" Kirsten made a pause. "What kept Summer from going?"

"Don't know. Maybe she forgot." He said, leaving the kitchen as soon as he could. The less people knew about last night, the better.

* * *

Summer, you so owe me, Ryan thought to himself as he got out of the car in the front of the Roberts' mansion.

"Ryan?! What are you doing here so early?" Julie asked, not able to disguise her surprise in seeing him at her door, of all people.

"Hey, Julie. I need to speak to Summer. It's urgent."

"Are you sure you're asking about the right girl? Marissa's asleep and so is Summer."

"It's kind of important."

"Geez, you're really not gonna tell me what is it, are you?" Julie asked, impatiently. "Come on in and I'll try to wake one of them." She said, moving so he could get past the door.

* * *

When she entered the girl's bedroom, through Marissa's side of the room, the first thing Julie heard was an awful noise. Someone was _really_ throwing up at the girl's bathroom. Please, don't be Marissa, she thought to herself. She knocked.

"I'm fine, Coop." She heard Summer's voice inside the bedroom.

Julie couldn't help but feeling pure relief that it wasn't her daughter who had a hangover or morning sickness or something. Which didn't keep her from worrying about her stepdaughter and friend.

"Summer? May I come in?"

"Julie?" Summer was so surprised that she didn't manage to say anything at all.

"Yeah. It's me. Ryan's downstairs and he wants to talk to you. He says it's urgent."

"Tell him I can't make it. I'm gonna die, Julie. I've got this terrible hangover and the bedroom won't stop spinning…" And Julie heard the puking noise again. She held back a laugh.

Summer simply never had hangovers. Everybody knew she drank and she'd get tipsy sometimes, but never really drunk. It was forgivable, but it probably meant that something probably had triggered her drinking more last night.

"Do you want me to ask him to come upstairs and talk to you through the door?" Julie asked.

"Please, Julie. And fetch me some drug that makes this stop…" Summer replied, her voice whiny.

When Julie turned around to go downstairs, she realized Marissa had just sat in her bed.

"Ryan's here?" She asked.

"Yeah, but he said he wanted to talk to Summer and he's kind of in a hurry, so I…"

Julie never managed to finish her sentence. Marissa had run off through the door before she could.

* * *

Ryan was standing at the kitchen, waiting for Julie or Summer to show up. When he saw Marissa entering the kitchen, her hair all messy and wearing a pink camisole, he couldn't hold the wide smile that showed on his face. She made a bee line towards him and threw herself in his arms in a tight hug.

Taken by surprise, he didn't hug her back at first. She stared into his eyes with those bright blue eyes of hers, fear transparent in them.

"Is something wrong? I…"

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her so passionately that it left her breathless.

"It's never been so right." He replied, smiling at her when they parted lips.

"Oh my God! This can't be happening again…" Julie said as she entered the kitchen, completely taken aback by the scene she'd just witnessed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 is finally out. Believe me, I'm as relieved as you are. I was really stuck but good news is: I'm not anymore. ;)**

Summer stood up with difficulty. She'd been clinging to the toilet for dear life for the last half hour. She'd never had a real hangover in her life. Things had really slipped out of her control.

She had a big decision to make, she thought to herself. And she felt so little to take such a huge step. She wished she had told someone about it. But she hadn't. She was afraid Seth would find out and go ballistic about it. She didn't want to lose him… She sighed.

It was when she heard her phone ringing. Seth! She tried to run for the bedroom, but felt dizzy, so decided to walk slowly, trying to regain balance. Her head hurt.

By the time she got there, whoever had been calling gave up. She flipped her phone open. There were no less than twenty calls from Seth. Fuck. She remembered it. She was supposed to pick Seth at the airport! That was why Ryan had an urgent issue with her.

However, she was in no shape to drive or to meet Seth. She was afraid of what she was going to say, what she was going to do. How was she going to explain to him? Moving in with him after such a long time apart was the right thing to do. And she was giving it up for something that felt even more right than that. Would he understand her?

"Mum, it's not like that…"

"What has gotten into the two of you?" Julie asked. "Marissa! You're married, remember? Or almost…"

"I can explain, mum… I really wished you hadn't walked in on us."

"I didn't walk in on you. I followed you! Judging by the way things went the last time the two of you met, I was worried!"

"Julie, please, don't tell anyone. We have just got back together, we don't know how to deal with it yet, and we didn't even have the chance to talk about it…" Ryan asked, his tone calm, but pleading.

"Fine. I won't tell anyone. For now. Just… Just don't get caught again…" Julie sighed. Those two were really drawn to each other, she thought to herself. There was no stopping it. "Marissa, just promise you won't hurt Ian. He's such a nice guy…"

"I'll try not to…" Marissa replied, hesitantly. If she had an honest talk with him, it was a sure thing he'd end up severely hurt.

"Ok. Let's forget about this for now, because someone's gonna be really hurt when Seth finds out why Summer never picked him up." Ryan urged them.

"What? Seth's still at the airport?" Marissa asked, trying hard not to laugh. "I can't believe she forgot him…"

"I did." Summer said as she slowly entered the kitchen, supporting her weight in the walls. "I need water…"

"You're gonna throw up again if you drink water now." Julie said. "Drink some black coffee from the machine. You're gonna feel better. A shower would be in order, too."

"She's in no shape to go to L.A." Marissa verbalized the thoughts of the group. "What are we gonna tell Seth?"

"Tell him a half truth: say you went to the Bait Shop with Ryan yesterday, Summer tagged along to prevent you from doing something stupid, which you actually did, but you don't need to tell him that part and that Summer had a little too much to drink. Keep it simple."

Marissa took a deep breath. And there she was, earlier, imagining where she'd acquired such skill in lying.

"We'd better get going. Julie, she needs to be in fine shape to meet him in two hours. We'll try to delay him a little bit more." Ryan said.

"You better."

Something was definitely wrong, Seth thought to himself as he saw Ryan and Marissa _without Summer,_ walking towards him in the airport. Where was Summer? How had Marissa agreed to drive all the way to LA with Ryan? There was probably a big reason behind it.

Ryan couldn't stop a wide smile forming on his mouth as they were walking towards Seth, more than one hour late from the time they were supposed to be there.

_He'd been driving for __about twenty minutes. He and Marissa had been trying to understand why Summer had got so drunk that night, and worse, why she seemed to want to avoid meeting Seth. _

_When they'd suggested they'd grab Seth and drive straight back there so he could see she was fine, she did all she could to dodge it, so they had settled that Ryan would drop Seth at home first and make an excuse about having to go somewhere with Marissa, which would raise suspicion but not as much as if he met Summer the way she was._

_He had his eyes on the road when he felt Marissa's soft hand caressing his neck, making a trail through his hair. He turned to her and she smiled._

"_I can't believe we're like this…" He said, smiling back._

"_Like this, how?"_

"_Ok, you know." He paused as she chuckled due to his usual lack of spoken expression. "Knock it off… I'm no good with words!" He said, joining her laugh._

"_I've given up fighting __us, Ryan Atwood." She said, her hands descending from his neck to his chest._

"_Have you? That's good to hear.__ Again." _

"_Yeah, I have and… I also know we're late and all, but…" She gave him a mischievous smile as her hand dropped lower and lower._

_His breathing was irregular when he replied._

"_You're gonna cause an accident…" His voice was husky and the gleam in those blue eyes of his told her one thing: she'd got what she wanted. He was definitely in the same mood as her._

"_No… I never meant to. You can stop the car and…" She moved closer to him and, lifting his shirt, she made a trail of searing kisses down his already hard cock. He felt so hot he could take her right there, he thought to himself._

_It wasn't until she started to undo his jeans that he actually believed she meant business. _

"_Marissa…" He spoke raggedly, making a huge effort to keep an eye on the road. "If you keep teasing like that…"_

"_I'm not only teasing… I fully intend to carry on after the teasing part..." She smiled sexily at him._

_It did it. All his plans of taking it slow and waiting until they had__ talked their situation through could go to hell, he thought to himself as he stopped the car at the roadside._

"_What are you doing?" Marissa asked, __pleasantly surprised, as he unbuckled his seatbelt and hers._

"_What you've been asking me to__... I want to be inside you so badly that it hurts, Marissa…" He said before he pulled her to his lap and kissed her senseless, countless times._

"_Ryan… I… We're…" She wanted to stop and rationalize things, tell him they were parked in the middle of the highway to L.A., but he was licking her ears and her neck and his hands exploring her body so __carelessly that she didn't really have the time to think a full thought. She let out a loud moan when he cupped her breasts under her top and caressed them the way only he knew how. _

_All she could do was feel his passion and try to follow his pace. She kissed him hard and straddled his waist with her legs, rubbing herself to him in such rhythm that her panties were wet before he could touch her._

"_Marissa… I'm done trying to slow down." He said, as he removed her shirt and latched on her breasts, while his fingers found their way under her skirt. "Already?" He asked when he touched her. She squirmed. _

_He kept torturing her with his lips, touching her until she came, moaning his name, on his lap. __He managed to lower his pants and, without loosing his hold on her, he pulled her panties aside and slid himself inside her, slowly, kissing her neck and her lips, whispering her name. _

"_I love you, Marissa…" _

_It felt like heaven to be with him that way. He __was making love to her so tenderly she felt tears of joy streaming down her face. She always felt so loved and cherished with him. It felt like home. _

_He kissed the tears from her lashes and __held her, afraid that if he let her go, he'd lose her. He held her hair and kissed her; she couldn't speak or think as pleasure overwhelmed her. All she could do was watch him make love to her. He nibbled her neck as his thrusts became more forceful and made her lose all control she'd thought she still had._

_Marissa felt like every thrust was even more forceful than the last. She screamed out with such__ satisfaction and her orgasm made her body shake uncontrollably as he continued to give her even more. He had spent so many days wondering if and when she would be in his arms again. Now he knew. _

_He shuddered, having his own peak, and, as he released himself inside her, he thought that no dream could do justice to this._

"Poor thing. He's gonna be devastated…" Julie said. "It's too complicated when we have to choose like you have to now…"

"He's living his dream of doing design in Brown and I… I just can't ask him to let go. Not because of me." Summer said, sadly. "He'll have to let go of me instead…" She added, and Julie saw that her eyes were watery. "As I'm gonna have to let go of him."

It wasn't a matter of loving him enough or anything. It was just that she couldn't ask him to not live his future as planned so he could live hers with her.

Summer was laying on her bed, showered, hair done and sipping her third cup of coffee while Julie sat by her bedside, doing some counseling. Due to her own lack of maturity, she didn't really have many opportunities to do that with Marissa, but thanks God things were okay between them now and she even got to play mum for Summer sometimes.

"At least he never found out that you were planning to go to Brown… It would only add to the deception…"

"But I'm gonna have to tell him… Otherwise, he may even think it was premeditated." She said. "Seth loves a conspiracy theory."

"Yeah… It's the Esperanza conspiracy." Julie chuckled.

"How can one event change a person's life that much?" Summer asked, more to herself than to Julie. "I can't see myself not going. I've already made that decision." She said, her eyes glistening with excitement, hiding the tiny knot in her stomach that wondered what would happen to her and Seth when she told him her plans.

One week, she was trying to finish her _croquis_ for one of her disciplines in Fashion Design, seeing as Neil had made her go back to USC to finish the semester so she could use the subjects in Brown. The other, a girl from her dorm had been distributing pamphlets all around, informing that the _Arctic Sunrise, _the famous Greenpeace ship would be harboring at the Port of Los Angeles and there would be lectures, global warming protests and all sort of environmental crazy stuff during the entire week.

The one thing she'd never have guessed was she would end up involved in the environmental crazy stuff. Involved as in being invited to be a part of the crew of the _Esperanza_, Greenpeace's newest ship, who was about to go around the world in an environmental awareness mission.

After her first lectures on global warming and animal extinction, the bell of belonging finally ringed for her. She'd never really wanted to do Fashion Design. She liked fashion, she loved to dress up to date, but it didn't mean she wanted her purpose in life to be dressing people better. The thought of, through words and actions, do something that would have a huge impact in people's environmental awareness felt just right for her. She could help saving the world, literally.

Her passion in the debates, even though she wasn't as experienced and well informed as most of the participants of the event, had drawn to her the attention of one of the organizers of the crew of the _Arctic Sunrise_, who'd invited her to be a part of _Esperanza_. She hadn't thought twice and said yes.

Since that day, she'd been full of plans. She'd go on the _Esperanza _expedition and then she could go back and go to the College of Environment in the University of Washington and… She came to a halt as she remembered her former plans of going to Brown with Seth. That was when she'd started to try to find a solution for them but couldn't.

She couldn't ask him to wait an entire year for her, while she went on a trip around the world, living her dream while his life would be on standby. Besides, her new college plans didn't exactly match with his. If they managed to ever survive such a long distance relationship there were still all college years, long distance again.

It would be one thing or the other. She'd never thought she'd have to choose between Seth and someone or something else. But this was about choosing between her future, her dreams and Seth. She had made up her mind. However, she just didn't know how to tell him that, how to make him not suffer. How not to suffer along with him to the point of giving up was the question that she couldn't stop asking herself.

-"Honey, will you get the door?" Sandy asked from his office, seeing as it was the second time the bell was ringing.

"Coming!" Kirsten replied as she walked towards the front door.

When she opened it, she couldn't really hide her surprise.

"Hailey?" She asked, not giving a step towards her younger sister. Hailey's presence in Newport usually meant she had run out of money or, worse, that she was in real trouble.

"Hi sis!" Hailey smiled. "It's been too long, hasn't it?" And she hugged Kirsten, who couldn't help but feeling a little relieved that her sister at least looked alright.

"You could've told me you were visiting. We would've picked you up at the airport." Kirsten said. "Didn't you bring any luggage?"

"Well, I kinda didn't know how welcome I'd be, judging on the terms we said our goodbyes the last time…" She hesitated. "They are at a friend's nearby."

"On that note… Sorry. Really." Kirsten apologized and she meant it. "I was hurt, you were hurt. Bottom line is: I never meant to say those things about you and dad. Sorry again." She smiled warmly. "Welcome home". She said, hugging her sister.

"Oh my, Hailey!" Sandy said as he met them, still hugging. "She never really bothers to call ahead, does she?" He said, chuckling. "We'll have to make some room adjustments". He told Kirsten.

"I could stay at a hotel…"

"Yeah, like I'm gonna let you." Kirsten said. "Jimmy only got away with it because he didn't even come here in the first place."

"Oh, gosh. Is Jimmy gonna be at the party, too?" Hailey flushed instantly.

"See?" Sandy asked, triumphantly, towards Kirsten. "I told you they had history." He looked smug.

"W-what? Why? Who has history?" Kirsten was so surprised she couldn't put the words right.

"You and Jimmy he means?"

Hailey was staring at her feet and she kept doing it, hoping a hole would open up in the ground and engulf her. Admitting to your sister you had something with her youth ex, even after a really long time they'd broken up and she was happily married, was still embarrassing.

Also, because she just couldn't stop the memories from coming back.

She and Jimmy had had a short yet intense romance. When they'd started dating, he'd just got some real money from selling the Lighthouse to Caleb and was intending to travel around the world working at beach spots, doing light jobs and living mostly of the investments he made with the money. He asked her to tag along and they even lived like that for a while at Laguna Beach.

He managed a restaurant of sea food part time and she, well, she'd wake up and lie beside their pool with a piña colada or two, wait for him to come home, have lunch together, do stuff together such as shopping, sightseeing, go back home, go out dining, come back, make love and worry about absolutely nothing. And they were absolutely happy for a while.

However, boredom crept on her. She was young indeed and felt too young to settle for something like that; it wasn't that she didn't love him. But she had enough in her life of enjoying someone else's money and she wanted to make her own life and her own money. The invitation to open a fashion business in Tokyo was the excuse she needed to flee, leaving Jimmy heartbroken.

Sometime later, she heard he'd had even had relapsed with Julie who was, at the time, married to Caleb. But, seeing as they were never made for each other, his thing with Julie also didn't work out the second time.

He was here! She thought to herself, not helping but enjoying the idea of meeting him again, after they'd had time to mature. Maybe she was romanticizing it; maybe he was even with someone new.

"You've scared her mute." Sandy said, laughing heartily.

"Have I? Oh God, I didn't mean it." Kirsten laughed too. "I am curious! That's all." She smiled at her sister, who had a absent look on her face.

"No, you didn't." Hailey finally smiled, relaxing at her sister's reaction. "We did. We had something, it didn't really last, the end wasn't ugly, which counts a lot and I haven't seen him since, so… I'm hoping we can kind of be friends now."

"It's really a shame it didn't work out. I'd have loved to have Jimmy in the family one way or another." Kirsten chuckled.

"He kinda is family" Sandy said. "He's always been around, even after his divorce with Julie."

"Yeah, but it didn't really work, so…" Hailey shrugged. "Can you drive me to Annie's house so we can get my bags, please, Sandy?" She asked.

"Sure!" He said. "Honey, what time do we leave for the Roberts'?"

"Ryan is not back from the airport yet. He was supposed to pick Seth. I'm guessing we'll all be ready and set around seven. We'll have to go in two cars, I guess. There's Theresa, Aiden, Ryan, Seth, me, you and Hailey."

"Okay, then. I'll pick Hailey's bags myself. You two can stay at home and do some sister bonding and I'll be home after lunch. Neil's just texted me. He wants us guys to have lunch and some beers at the Crab Shack".

"Guys only?"

"Yup. No ladies allowed." He smiled, waving them goodbye as he left.

"Ryan? Earth calling!" Seth snapped his fingers in front of him.

"What?" He asked as he noticed that Seth had approached them while he'd been daydreaming about the beautiful and unplanned moment he and Marissa had just shared. Speaking of which, he could hear her chuckling beside him.

"Don't worry, Cohen. This whole thing about being a dad does that to him. He keeps falling asleep with his eyes open!" She said, making up the lamest excuse he'd ever heard.

"Where's Summer? Why isn't she here? Why is everybody so late?" Seth asked.

"Whoa. That's a lot of questions." Ryan chuckled.

"And, most importantly: why, of all people, has Marissa come here to pick me up with you? Something's up. Spill it."

"There isn't really anything to spill. Summer's not feeling well, she was in no shape to drive, so she asked Julie to ask me to come and pick you up." Marissa spoke quickly, giving him no time to ask questions. "I didn't really want to come by myself so I asked Ryan if he could tag along."

"And I said yes." Ryan completed.

"Wait, wait, wait." Seth eyed them, suspiciously. "Last time the two of you saw each other, you left on no speaking terms. How did it come to this?" He asked but didn't really let them answer. "Self-protection, Ryan, remember? Survival instincts! Pride!" And he turned to Marissa. "Don't give me that innocent face! You left him in shreds. Shreds and I…" He broke off, startled by the change he saw in Marissa's face. She was as pale as a sheet.

Next thing they knew Marissa fainted, nearly hitting the ground.


	16. Chapter 16

**Here comes Chapter 16, straight from the oven… :) Enjoy!**

"Good God, I'd never have thought Marissa was so sensitive." Seth said as he and Ryan rushed into the first aid department at the airport, Ryan holding Marissa in his arms, a worried crease on his brows.

"Seth. Mind shutting up?"

While he held Marissa in his arms, Ryan prayed silently she would be okay soon. Truth be told, Seth was right in saying she wasn't that sensitive. She would never faint over something said by Seth.

She probably hadn't eaten anything, that's why, he thought to himself. He was gonna make sure she ate something before they drove back to Newport. He was supposed to take care of her, for Christ's sake, he sighed.

Within a minute or two, her legs lifted and clothes loosened, Marissa blinked and opened her eyes, much to Ryan's relief.

"Hi Marissa. I'm Doctor Janet. Your friends brought you here because you passed out at the lobby. How are you feeling?"

"Did I? Oh God, that was embarrassing... Did I hit the ground hard?" She asked, not remembering a thing apart from Seth having a tantrum.

"Nope. Ryan picked you up just in time. As always." Seth said, not able to avoid a tiny note of sarcasm.

"Don't start, Seth." Ryan said, in a warning tone.

"Nobody's told me yet why Summer hasn't come to pick me up. I'm moody. I wanna see her!" He whined. "It's Chrismukkah!"

As far as distracting techniques went, Marissa's fainting was superb. After asking Marissa a few questions about her eating and working habits, Dr. Janet didn't find other reason for her fainting than lack of food and rest. She advised them to stay off the road for at least two hours, get some rest and get Marissa fed, and then they could get on their way back to Newport. Seth was pretty pissed and decided to call Summer, who played her part just fine, which eased him a little.

He asked them plenty of times and in many different ways, together and separate, if they were on again. The answer he got was the same: no, we are friends. We are good at it. Yeah, right. He'd love to see how long truce would last. When he found out that Ian wasn't coming, he actually made them promise they wouldn't ruin Chrismukkah as they ruined Thanksgivings, to which he got mute agreement in response, since both were emerged into the memories of their overloaded last reencounter.

Between eating and resting at a hotel at the airport, the whole trip took them more than twice the usual time. On their way back, Ryan and Marissa managed to maneuver Seth straight home, telling him that Kirsten and Julie needed him to deal with some stuff the caterers weren't being able to handle. The delay was so big that, by the time they arrived at the Roberts', Summer was in perfect shape, tapping her feet at the doorsill, waiting for Marissa so they could go pampering and get ready to the party.

They barely had time to say their goodbyes properly, but Marissa managed to whisper an "I love you", which made Ryan's heart skip a beat. God, was he happy or what, he thought, smiling to himself all the way back home.

"You look like you've been up to no good." Summer said when she met her friend, grinning as she got out of Ryan's car.

"Me? No way." Marissa decided to keep it short. She couldn't really lie to Summer.

"Come on, Coop. You look in love with him. Again!" She said. "How? What happened yesterday? I'm curious!"

"I'm not. I… I just missed a lot being around him. He makes me happy, that's all." She smiled.

"Being friends only?" Summer asked, not really buying it. "Is that really possible?"

"Yup."

Summer sighed. She didn't exactly believe in Marissa, but it got her wondering if she and Seth would ever manage to be friends after she broke the news to him. He made her happy too. And she was about to make him very sad on his favorite holiday.

-"Come on. Tell me everything. It's written all over your face."

"Can't. Won't." He shook his head.

"Then wipe that silly smile off your face." Theresa chuckled.

"This is your entire fault. If I hadn't gone to the Bait Shop, none of this would've happened."

"Are you really gonna pretend you regret it?" Theresa said, laughing.

"Nope. Actually, there's nothing to regret. I didn't do anything." He looked away, pretending Theresa didn't know he was lying.

"Okay, then. I guess the less I know the better." Theresa said. She released a deep breath. "You guys from Newport really know how to throw a party." She said as they parked at the Roberts' driveway and she saw fairy lanterns guiding them to the pool area.

"Let me get Aiden's stroller." Ryan said. "You'll be too tired if you hold him all night long."

"I'm not really worried about that. Kirsten and Sandy are always arguing about who gets to hold him."

"It's their first grandson…" Ryan chuckled.

"And Seth's first nephew. He made me promise he'll get to hold Aiden tonight too. There's gonna be a line." She laughed.

"Let's get him settled." Ryan said as he got Aiden from Theresa's arms, carefully put him in his stroller and tucked him in.

"He looks lovely in that tie." Theresa cooed.

"Yeah… He takes after his father big time." Ryan teased.

"Actually, he _only_ took after his father". Theresa whined.

"Come on, let's get inside." He said, chuckling.

By the pool, half a dozen tables were draped in golden linen, Julie's choice of color, centered with a trio of green tapers ringed by glossy red roses. At the central area of the patio, under an awning, there was a huge buffet that looked scrumptious. The patio, illuminated by fairy lights, had the scent of the rose arrangements that were scattered all over. It was a lovely view.

There was a beautifully decorated bar in one corner, where a charming bartender blended colorful drinks. Most of the guests had already arrived, he realized as he saw Kirsten and Sandy sitting at one of the tables with Theresa and the baby. Waiters wandered discreetly among the guests, carrying silver trays filled with flutes of champagne and tiny foods. He helped himself to a canapé, a drink and walked towards the host of the party.

His ex-wife really had outdone herself, he thought. At the other corner there was a DJ, who was now playing soft music and, talking to him, there was Julie, the organizer. She was clad in a crimson dress, which stuck to her curves sinfully.

Jimmy touched her shoulder to say hi, but when the red-headed sexy turned around it wasn't the one he was expecting.

"You?" His eyes were wide open with surprise when he saw she was actually Hailey and not Julie.

"Hi, Jimmy." Hailey smiled. "Don't look at me that way, it's embarrassing…" She said, thanking God for already having makeup blush on her face, otherwise he would see she was really blushing. He was looking at her as if he had never seen anything more beautiful.

"Y-You, you are back. Why hasn't anybody bothered to tell me?" And as gorgeous as ever, he thought to himself.

"Actually, I'm not back. Just visiting. It'd been a while. It was about time." She paused. "What about you? I heard you're living in Europe."

"Greece. Visiting, too. Marissa's staying for the winter break; I'm coming back before New Year's Eve. We're having a busy party at the hotel on the 31th."

"Kirsten told me you were managing a restaurant..."

"I was. I was offered a partnership at the hotel from the same owner of the restaurant. I decided it was time for more investment. Now I'm working at my own thing." He said, proudly.

"So, you're settling." She said, surprised. She didn't think that would happen anytime soon. "Have you settled with someone too?" She couldn't hold her curiosity. Also, she had to admit she felt kinda jealous, thinking there could be someone at the place that used to be hers. However, she noticed the flick of interest in his eyes raise at the question.

"Why do you ask? Interested?" Jimmy replied, smiling flirtatiously.

"I'm not dumb enough to think you haven't been with anyone since we…"

"Since you dumped me because you couldn't stand the dream life I gave you." He said, smiling bitterly.

"Ouch! That stung." She looked down to hide the sadness she suddenly felt. "You know that wasn't the reason I left."

"Actually, I've stopped wondering about that." He paused. "I'm wondering now what brought you back." He smiled at her, hopefully.

"Neither of us is back, Jimmy." Hailey opened a slow and sexy smile. "But that doesn't really matter; we can still enjoy each other's companies while we're both here."

"Who am I to disagree?" He said, picking a champagne flute and giving it to her. "Here's a toast to enjoyment!" He said, raising his glass.

They smiled at each other, both knowing where the night was heading. And both knew that, like the first night they'd fell for each other, they couldn't predict where that was going to lead them, which wasn't something neither of them was worried about.

Indoors, there were more waiters, more food and more flowers for those who wanted the warmth and relative quiet. Sitting on the couch was Seth. Ryan, who'd entered the foyer so he could answer a phone call from his mother, couldn't dodge him.

"Ryan! Just the guy I wanted to see!" Seth said as he walked towards his brother. "No, no, no. Don't run away. You have some answers I need to know."

"I wasn't." Ryan smiled sheepishly. He had managed to get rid of Seth and his tons of questions by dumping him with Kirsten and Julie, who had filled him with so many assignments for the party that they hadn't met since then.

"Spill it. Something's up with Summer. What is it, for Christ's sake?" Seth asked.

"There's nothing up with Summer." Ryan sighed in relief that the interrogatory wasn't about him and Marissa. "Why do you ask?"

"We haven't seen each other in almost one month after we'd just got back together. She's supposed to be sorely missing me and, surprisingly, she didn't show up at the airport, didn't call and hasn't shown up so far…" He trailed off, trying to find a reason for that but couldn't. "Why?" He asked.

"No idea, man. She didn't say a thing." Actually, he'd been wondering if something was up earlier, but, due to the new developments with Marissa, he'd been too high on the clouds to care about such mundane things as his brother relationship.

Speaking of which, there she came. And no woman in the world could look more gorgeous in a blue dress as Marissa. It made her eyes look even bluer, if that was possible. Both Ryan and Seth stood and walked towards her.

"Where's Summer?" Seth asked, anxiously.

"Finishing up." Marissa replied. "You know how she is." She smiled, pretending that she hadn't seen the sad look on her friend's face when she said she was going downstairs.

"Hey." Ryan said, not able to keep himself from smiling widely to her.

"Hey…" She smiled back, finding restraint so she wouldn't throw herself in his arms.

"You look amazing."

"Why do you always say that?" She chuckled.

"Because you always do."

Summer sighed heavily. She just didn't know how the hell she was supposed to meet Seth and pretend nothing was wrong.

She was sitting on her bed, finishing up the last touches of her makeup. She spritzed some perfume. The perfume Seth had given her on last Chrismukkah. She felt like crying. She loved him too much. She didn't want to have to choose. Or make him.

"You may open your eyes now." He said as he removed his hands from her eyes.

They had driven all the way there with her wearing a blind. She knew they were very close to the beach, seeing as they'd walked on beach sand and she could still hear the waves crashing. When she opened her eyes, she still didn't know where they were and she couldn't care less.

It looked like a white beach tent, except for the fact that there was no wind, only the feel of being secluded from the world. The floor was covered with flower petals of every possible color and the room was dimly lit with fairy lights and white candles. She could barely believe her eyes. There was a futon at the center, draped in white silk sheets and a beautiful bouquet of red roses. Everything was so beautiful she felt like crying.

"Oh my God, it's… It's beautiful…" she managed to say.

"Not as nearly as you look tonight." Ryan said, walking towards the futon and picking up the bouquet. "These are for you."

"I don't know what to say… Everything is so perfect!" Her eyes were glistening with joy.

"I'm glad you like it." He smiled, smugly. "But I'm hoping you'll enjoy this even more". He said, retrieving one of the roses from the bouquet and giving it to her.

"Ok. I'm not following!" She giggled. "There's more to enjoy?" She asked, looking at the rose, puzzled.

"Turn it upside down on your palm". He smiled as she did as he'd asked and her eyes went wide with surprise.

"I wanted this to be a night to remember." He said, looking at her in that loving way that made words unnecessary.

"Why? It was my turn to hold him!" Seth whined as Summer dragged him along the patio, heading towards the living room.

"Shut up, Cohen, this is important."

They walked to her bedroom and she made him sit on her bed. She sat across him.

"Ok, honey. I know you missed me but we're not in such a hurry." He smiled. "Let me just lock that door of yours." He said, trying to stand up.

"It's not that, stupid Cohen…" She dragged him down. "It's just that… I missed you so much!" She said, throwing herself in his arms in a desperate hug.

"I missed you too, Summer Roberts. We are meant to be together, not separate." He hugged her back, smiling.

She couldn't hold it any longer. The tears that were stuck in her chest started to come out. Next thing she knew she was sobbing.

"Oh my God, you're crying! Why are you so emotional? Is it Chrismukkah? PMS?" That last question actually succeeded in making her laugh. "I haven't even got the chance to give you your Chrismukkah gift!" He said as he caught something in his pocket.

Seth got down on his knees. Summer froze.

"Summer Roberts, will you marry me?"

**Long time no cliffy. Hope you like how this is heading. And DO review! **


	17. Chapter 17

The gold symbol lying on her palm reflected exactly the depth of their feelings for each other. She smiled and little tears of joy streamed down her face.

"I love you." He said as he moved closer and wiped her tears.

"It's beautiful." She said.

He took the necklace from her hands and turned it so she could see that there was something engraved on the back of the pendant.

"More surprises?" She smiled.

Her smiled grew even wider as she read the words aloud.

"Ryan and Marissa. Never ending". She took a deep breath. "I… I don't know what to say…"

"Saying you love me will do." He smiled smugly.

"I feel so happy I could cry."

"You are crying…" He said, wiping her tears again.

"It's just... The way you love me. It's the best gift I could wish for." She said, leaning to kiss him.

"Having you back is the best Christmas gift I could ever wish for." He said, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her to the futon.

"I missed being back." She sighed as he trailed soft kisses from her jaw through her neck, feeling his strong body over hers as they lay down on the futon.

"Just promise you won't go anywhere, anymore", he said, in between kisses. He was desperate to hear her saying she was staying, that she wasn't going to go back to Greece never again.

"I won't." She said, moving her hands down his chest to remove his shirt. "You know, it's kinda hot in here…" She smiled coyly.

"Yeah, it is" he chuckled lightly. God, he loved making love to her, every minute of it, he thought to himself. How could a guy be so into someone as he was into Marissa. "I'm guessing you're hot too, so…"

He turned her face down to the futon and undid her dress. As he did it, he trailed searing kisses down her waistline, his hands caressing her inner thighs. She wriggled.

"You do know how to do this…" She said and turned her head slightly to look at him. His bright blue eyes were gleaming with desire and his mouth curved into a very sexy smile when their eyes met. He looked too damn hot wearing only his black pants with no shirt on, she thought to herself.

She felt his hands going up her thighs until they reached the end of the dress. He started pulling it off her. She lifted her body a little to help him.

"Now you're teasing…" He said huskily as he felt himself grow even harder by the display of her lean, half naked body, lifting towards him. All she was wearing was a blue leopard lace-trim v-string which looked too sexy on her for her own good, he thought to himself.

Not letting her lay back down on bed, he knelt behind her and she shivered with the feel of him, very hard, behind her. He retreated and she tried to move closer to him. He chuckled.

" Who's teasing now?" She asked.

"I do wanna take things slowly, baby." He said as he moved out of the futon, removing his pants. "This is our first official date back together and I want you to really enjoy it, so, be a good girl."

She felt his hands again, slowly caressing her cheeks, kissing her back wetly and sexily. He moved over her to kiss her neck and the feel of him between her legs was driving her crazy with desire. He kept rubbing himself against her and kissing her neck and shoulders.

"You feel too good to be true." He said so close to her ear that it gave her the chills. She wanted so badly for him to take her.

He moved back again and Marissa let out a frustrated sigh. He let out a light chuckle.

The next thing she felt was his hot tongue trailing the line of her panties over her bottom, waist and inner thighs. He licked her over her panties. She moaned loud.

"God! Ryan… Please…"

But he wasn't quite done yet. Even though he wanted to be inside her as badly as she wanted him, he was always ready to put her first.

He kept making little trails with his fingers inside her thighs, right next to her soft spot, licking her waist or her bottom. When she thought she couldn't take that wonderful torture anymore, he slid her panties to one side with one hand and kissed her. The wave that she had been holding came crashing as he kept kissing her. She was panting and moaning his name as she came, little tremors making him even more eager to take her, but he restrained himself and gave her a minute so she could enjoy the aftershocks.

She was almost drifting when she felt soft kisses in her inner thigh.

"That was so good …" She started as he turned her with her back flat on the bed. "But… What about you?" She smiled, making a move towards his hardness which looked tempting in the white boxers he was wearing. She kissed him over the clothing and started all the way up to his nipples.

"You're rushing, Marissa…" He smiled as he laid her again on her back.

Kissing all the way down her ears, passing through her lips and neck towards her small lovely breasts, he sucked gently, which made her moan again. His hard strong body against hers felt heavenly. Ryan moved down, kissing all the way down her flat belly towards her pleasure center. She was already very wet when he finally removed her panties.

She felt one of his fingers making small circles on her clit and she couldn't muffle a very loud moan, which almost made him get off right there where he was. He slid one finger inside her and she writhed.

"You're killing me. You know that, right?" She sighed. He smiled at her and added another finger. She gasped at first but then she started to enjoy it.

She didn't want it to end. That was a sure thing. Feeling such pleasure, given by the man she loved was all she could've ever dreamed of.

When she was about to come again, he slid inside her and her climax was so strong that a few tears of pleasure came down her face.

"Marissa? Are you alright?" He stopped immediately when he saw her tears, a shade of concern on his face. Despite that, she was smiling.

"Never better."

He smiled back. "Don't cry, baby. I'm here. Won't ever leave you."

"I'm crying because you make me too happy..." She said as she resumed their kissing.

Ryan made love to her as if she were a princess. He was so sweet and caring and it was always better than she expected it to be. He was beyond perfect, she thought to herself.

"I love you, Marissa. More than anything." He said softly as he slowly rode her with gentle thrusts.

"I love you too, Ryan." She whispered. "More than anything".

Being inside her was the second best feeling for him. The first best was knowing she was here to stay. The thought of having her close again itself made him the happiest man on earth.

His moans of pleasure became more constant as she felt his thrusts quickening. He let out a loud roar and let himself go. He laid down, his face buried in her hair.

She couldn't stifle a laugh as they slammed at the door, kissing each other passionately.

"If anyone told me, I would've never believed…" He said as he kissed her chin, sweetly.

"I wouldn't, either…" She smiled. "We really should get inside, do you have the keys on you?" She asked.

He fished it at one his pockets and they entered the cozy and sophisticated room of the hotel he was staying at. They stumbled inside.

"Are we really gonna do this?" Hailey asked, as he tried to remove her off her dress.

"I thought we'd moved past that part…" He said as he kissed her neck, removing her jewelry.

"I don't want you to create expectations, Jimmy…" She said turning and holding his hands as they were sliding down her waist, removing the rest of the dress.

"Why do you do this?" He asked, his eyes staring deeply into hers.

"I'm not doing anything, Jimmy… We are."

"I mean why do you retreat? What are you so afraid of, Hailey, for Christ's sake? It was you who left, not me".

"Don't accuse me. I told you back then I wasn't ready for that."

"I'm not accusing you and I'm not asking if you're ready now. We were supposed to have fun, that's all." He sighed. "If anyone gets hurt, it'll be me and I'll deal with it."

"I don't want to hurt you again, Jimmy."

"Then, why are you here?" He stared at her inquisitively.

"I… I…" He didn't let her finish. He put his mouth on hers in a long kiss.

" Cohen, please just… Stand!" Summer said, trying to get him to stand up, pulling his hands, trying desperately not to look into his eyes. "I have to talk to you…" She said, her voice failing her.

"Can't it wait? I'm proposing here!" He said, smugly. "All you have to do is say yes." He said, not letting her drag him up, still on his knees.

"I… I can't… No…" Summer couldn't stop herself from sobbing hard.

Seth's face fell. And he was silent for a whole minute.

"I'm… Sorry..." She said, still not able to control the sobs that came through her. She was crying so hard, she was shaking. "Will… you ever … forgive… me?"

"How… How could you do this?" He managed to say. "How can you do this to me, Summer Roberts?" The sorrow he was feeling was audible. "Why? We were happy together, meant to be together… Weren't we? Please don't tell me it was a lie!" His voice was pleading.

She couldn't explain. The words just stuck in her throat. All she could do was cry in anticipation of all the hurt that was to come.

"It can't be that bad, Summer, just do it. Tell me what is so wrong with us. We'll fix it. I love you, remember? You love me, remember?" He said, holding her face so she would look into his eyes, which were also starting to fill with tears, which got her crying worse.

"Can you please just stop crying? It's driving me insane wondering what terrible thing has happened that doesn't even let you tell me why you're not marrying me… As if that alone wasn't terrible enough…"

"Nothing terrible happened, Seth." She managed.

"Then, why can't you just say 'I do'?" He said, sitting in front of her, on the bed.

"Because our futures don't match anymore, Cohen. I've changed, my plans have changed… And you don't fit… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry; I never meant to hurt us that way, never… I swear."

"Can't you just tell me what it is and let me decide if I fit or not?" He said, slightly impatient.

"I will not let you. I won't let you give up the future you chose because of me, Seth. Don't you even try!" She said with conviction. Impatience was easier to deal with than hurt.

"What is it? Are you moving out of the United States?" He asked. "I've never really liked the weather here, I'll join you wherever you…"

"Seth, stop. You will not be joining me. The only option would be waiting and it would be for a long time and there would be no guarantees…"

"What about the love we feel?"

"It's not about that, Seth. That kind of thing doesn't change overnight."

"If it doesn't, then that's my guarantee". He said, holding her hand. "I love you, Summer; I'll support you, whatever it is you wanna do. If it takes forever, I'll wait. Because we love each other and that's the only sure thing we have and the only one we really need". He leaned in to kiss her.

She felt her heart thudding very fast as she heard those reassuring words from him. Maybe there was some sort of hope for them.

"But… Don't you wanna know what is it?" She asked, still kissing him, holding his hands tightly.

"No. Not now, really." He said, holding her. "I missed you. I wanna enjoy whatever time we have left."

And they did.


	18. Chapter 18

Ian woke up sweating. It was nightmare number 100 of this night. All of them involved Marissa, who got mixed up in his memories with the red haired girl who never left his thoughts.

He sat up. It was too early to call Marissa. He knew that staying away he was softly pushing her towards her memories of her former life in Newport. And that meant pushing her towards Ryan Atwood.

He had lived this story before. He'd never believed in karma and such stuff. But it was really weird that he was living it all again so soon, he thought, letting out a big sigh as he let his memories take him back a few years, before he left for Greece.

_They had promised to each other that they would hold on. That they would remain together forever. It was the 100__th__ time that they'd broken up and gotten back together, each time more crazily in love than before and even surer that they were supposed to be together. _

"_We're gonna marry and grow old together and our children will roam freely in our land as we did. And they're gonna have loving parents like yours". She said, kissing him as they lay together in a enormous field of lavender._

"_Sure they will. But their future mummy needs to take better care of herself if she wants to be a good mother, you know". He'd lecture her softly, his hands caressing her red strands of hair._

"_Stop patronizing me… We're too young for that." She retorted, laughing. _

_Gillian had this crazy thing about her that wherever she went, liking it or not, she became the center of attentions. She had the most amazing green eyes and a mysterious smile that took after her mother, people would say. While she was in her early teens, she used to love the attention but when her parents divorced, her mother committed suicide and she was left to live with a broken father, alcoholic and abusive, it all became too much for her._

_Ian liked to think that he had fallen in love with her when they were still kids. Their parents had neighboring properties and his memories of her went as far as his own memories playing in the fields between their houses._

_They had been together since they were old enough to be and had been, as people said, through thick and thin, and lived. _

_Until it ended._

_But there wasn't a beautiful ending for them. Not a happy one either. _

_Gillian never got over the pain of losing her mother so brutally and didn't know how to deal with the pressure of living with her abusive father and she wasn't a light person to have around. She became difficult to deal and bitter, lashing out on him countless times. Even though, it didn't occur to him giving up on her. _

_After the 101th time they got back together after the numerous fights they would have about the fact that she, despite all her father drinking problems, kept insisting on drinking much more than she could and also using heavier drugs when he wasn't around to control her, as she would say when she was high, it was always the same._

_Whenever she got back from her trips, Gillian always crawled back to him, apologizing with the same speech as always and he, who loved her too much to know when it was time to let go, didn't even know how to even when he had the smallest will to let it._

_Despite everybody's advices about how she was no more a good match for him and that she would ruin his life with her drinking and drugging, he just couldn't let go of her. He thought he would save her, that they were supposed to be forever and when he was away from her, he would have nightmares of losing her for good and woke up feeling physical pain only from imagining it. Those nights, he'd call her and she would reassure him of her love, as always. _

_Until that dreadful day. _

_She didn't answer his calls, she didn't write back. She wasn't anywhere to be found and her drunken father couldn't tell him nothing because he hadn't even noticed Gillian was gone. It seemed as if a hole had opened in the ground and she'd vanished into it._

_He'd looked for her all over but she didn't leave any trace to be followed. He never got a chance to understand what the hell had happened, to know if she was alright or if she was dead somewhere unknown and he'd had to deal with that reality every day of his life without Gillian. The nightmares kept going on for about a year after her disappearance, and, when the police gave up the search, he was forced to get back to the reality of the life he'd have to carry on without her. _

_But he couldn't. He kept running away from his home, moving around like a gipsy, unconsciously hoping to bump into Gillian somewhere, seeing as he couldn't accept the idea of her being dead and gone for good. He couldn't bear to be in Scotland for long periods and it was killing him to remain here suffering with the possibility of another loss, surrounded by the memories of losing her._

When he'd met Marissa it seemed as if life had given him another chance to fix what he couldn't with Gillian. Since the very first sight, Marissa seemed like someone who'd gone through a lot but she didn't seem, at first, bitter or dark. She'd brought the hope of loving again back to his life.

Eventually, the hope became actual love and with it came the fear of losing again. That was what he was feeling tonight. Marissa was too close to Ryan, a man who loved her so much that even for him that was an outsider in what he knew was a love story maybe as big as his and Gillian's, it was visible, and it felt like sand slipping through his fingers and like it would slip no matter what he did.

But he wasn't ready to let her slip away like Gillian had. He wanted her to be happy with whoever she wished to be. But he wasn't going to just hand her over to Ryan as if it was a done deal. He loved her and he knew that he had managed to earn a place in her heart.

"I could really get used to this..." She said, pecking his neck.

"I'm never gonna get used to this. I still feel in shock. I mean, it's a good kind of shock… I better stop talking". He shook his head as he heard her chuckling.

"Totally. Stop talking and get back to kissing me."

Time didn't seem to pass while they were together like this. However, suddenly, at the time of leaving Sandy's beach office, it was always nightfall.

"Summer is getting really insistent about these vanishings… She keeps asking where I'm going and who I'm going with… I'm actually kinda surprised mom hasn't told her anything…"

"If she hasn't, don't anticipate things. What have you told her so far?"

"I've told her I've been going to the AA meetings and hanging out with AA folks and also that I'm trying hard to keep it together since Ian's not here. I'm so going to hell. I'm lying to my boyfriend and to my best friend, all in one." She let out a deep sigh.

"The love we feel can't be wrong, Marissa."

She sat up in the futon of the room that had become theirs.

"We are going to break Ian's heart at the time he's gonna need me the most…" Her eyes were full of concern. She surely didn't love Ian and much as she loved Ryan but she did care for him.

"Marissa, you have no idea how much I've needed you since you left. It has been as if some part of me had been torn off and was somewhere very far and I couldn't control it but I could still feel it… "

"I have, actually. I felt like I left a part of me behind too." She sighed. "Although I don't really know how you can need someone like me. My life's been a wreck ever since forever…"

"I love you. I've always been here for you and even the single memory of your smile has kept me going through everything. I kept holding on to our memories, that maybe you'd come back and everything would change and I could face things better because of the love we feel." He sighed. "You can't imagine how hard it was becoming a parent and living with the disappointment that you weren't the mother… It took some time to get used to being with Aiden, with loving Aiden before he was actually born."

"But eventually you did fall in love with him. He's the most lovable little baby ever."

"I love him, no matter how he became my son. However, I often find myself wishing he was our son, not only mine." He looked at her, measuring her reaction.

"We are too young for babies." She smiled. She barely could take care of herself, she thought.

"Yeah. But even being young I do love Aiden the same as I would if he'd been planned."

"Because you're the perfect guy. So, you're the perfect dad, too."

"I won't lie and say that it doesn't feels like a burden sometimes but, when he smiles to me with all his lack of teeth, I'm done." He smiled. "Speaking of which, I've promised Theresa she would have some extra time for herself tonight, so I really gotta go be a parent…"

"Ok, parent. Let's get going."

They walked home, talking about their families, how their life had been when they were apart and keeping light conversation, which was what they were doing every day, living the present, which was all they had until Ian's arrival and with him their moral obligation to deal with it.

"Marissa!"

She jumped and dropped her sandals full of sand she was carrying.

"Christ, mom, are you trying to give me a stroke?"

"You are the one trying to give _me_ a stroke. How can you do this? You left in the morning; you know what time is it?"

"I didn't know I was on curfew, mom…" She retorted. "It's only six…"

"Ian called a thousand times, Marissa… He doesn't deserve this."

"Why didn't he call my cell phone?" She asked, innocently.

"_Because you left it at home!" _Julie replied, seeming to be losing it a little.

"Did I?"

"Look, Marissa, you've always been in love with Ryan, I get it. But you don't get to do this to a guy who only did you good at the time he needs you the most…"

"I'm sorry… I forgot, really, I didn't mean it…" She said, ruefully.

"Do give him a call when you can. If you can't love him, you can try to give him some support, like a friend would."

"I will." She promised and started walking away.

"How is it going?" Julie asked.

"What?"

"You and Ryan, honey."

She let out a very long sigh.

"I'm so much more in love with him than I thought we ever could be, mom…" Her eyes were dreamy. "I could marry him today if he asked."

"Now that sounds big."

"It is." She was smiling broadly, seeing that her mother didn't seem to disapprove of them anymore. "Are you cheering for us?"

"I'm cheering for you, dear." Julie paused. "I know I haven't always been the best mother ever. But that doesn't mean I can't try to make it up for the time we've lost."

"So, how are the love doveys?" Theresa asked as they sat at the pool, while Ryan rocked Aiden to sleep and she finished the last touches of her makeup.

"I'm not supposed to talk about it… It's supposed to be a secret, Theresa…" He said, not able to hide the grin on his face. He felt too happy that him and Marissa were finally happening again.

"But I'm the one that put you on the right track, Ryan… I'm kind of the fairy godmother…" Theresa said, glad to see him so relaxed when Marissa was the topic.

"I'm so happy I'm afraid it will all vanish if I blink." He smiled and sighed.

"I know how it is." She said, remembering the time when they'd moved in together and he seemed willing to live a life with her and their son and she was so happy but was also scared shitless that he'd leave. And he did. Now, with everything mended between them, she just hoped the same wouldn't happen to him. After all, she still loved him, as the friend he'd always been and the father of their son.

"I know I've probably told you this before." He said, taking a deep breath. "But, back then, I really wished things had been different, that we had managed to make it work…"

"But we did, Ryan. Here we are, with the cutest son in the world, I'm working, and you're in college. We weren't meant to be together." She said and she meant it. "You shouldn't apologize because you've never fallen in love with me." She said, smiling to him.

"I know… If you could choose such things, we'd surely choose the safest way… But I… I've been taken from the moment I met her…"

"And so was she, Ryan. Why would she keep coming back to you if she didn't feel the same way? You're one of those star-crossed lovers books and movies are about…"

"Don't say that… Those couples only get together in the last chapters…" He chuckled.

"Okay. Enough talking. Go be a dad. My phone is ringing and it means my date is here."

"Will I get to meet him and approve of him?"

"Seriously?"

"Deadly serious."

He gave a heartily laugh and she grabbed her purse and left, all red dress and leaving a sweet scent as she walked past him, ignoring him.

"Hey." He opened a broad smile on his face when he opened the door and saw it was her, fidgeting with her hair.

"Hey… I… I don't really know what I'm doing here…" She said, staring at the floor. "You didn't call … I wanted to check up on you…"

"Hailey?" He asked, not really managing to keep himself serious. "Is this some kind of booty call? Isn't it too early for that?" He asked.

"Are you really gonna make me say it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Ok, Jimmy Cooper. I've missed you. I can't stop thinking about our Christmas night. Will you let me in now?"

He couldn't believe his ears. He hadn't called because he had thought she wouldn't like it, that it had been a fun night and even though it was going to be hard for him to forget, he was willing to try it.

He stepped out of the way and let her inside, fearing he'd end up hurt again but not being able to say no to her eyes which managed to look both confused and decided at the same time.

They sat at the terrace of the suite.

"When are you leaving for Greece?"

"Tomorrow, I guess. Today is the 27th, so yeah, tomorrow."

"Don't." She asked, her voice a soft plea.

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked, surprised.

"I know we were only supposed to have fun, Jimmy, but we both knew the risk we were taking when we agreed to sleep together. I could never have guessed I would go back to feeling this way again and…" She let out a deep sigh. "I was immature, Jimmy. I wasn't ready. I was in love but I wanted more of life than just travelling and having fun… I'm sorry. You gave me a dream life and I ran away… What sort of woman does that?" She talked in a rush.

"You did. And I've forgiven you for that a long time ago." He said. "That can happen when a guy my age falls for a girl your age."

"I'm sorry I ruined it for us." She said with a sad look on her face.

"You didn't. We didn't fight, we didn't end up hating each other, which would have happened if you had stayed with me, frustrated for not going after what you wanted."

"Do you… Do you still have feelings for me?" She asked, lifting her gaze to his.

He moved his chair to face hers.

"Why are you doing this, Hailey?"

"I'm not afraid any more, Jimmy. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it. I'm still very much in love with you… After I left, built my own company, earned my own money, made my own life, I saw how empty it all seemed without you. I just didn't have the gut to call and tell you that… And I'm sorry about that, too." Her eyes were shining and a few tears streaked down her face. "I love you, Jimmy. Can you manage to love me again?"

"Come here." He said, holding her in his arms. "I've never stopped loving you, I've been waiting for you to stop running away and I hadn't lost hope you would realize how much I do love you."

She gave him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen on her face. He showered her mouth, cheeks and neck with kisses.

"So, can I stay over?" She asked, giggling.

"You can stay forever." He said, kissing her deeply.

He answered her call on the first ring.

"I've missed you." He said before saying hi.

"How are things? How are you doing?" She asked, feeling her conscience heavy for not being able to say it back to him.

"More of the same. I'm not really seeing improvements with Dad, even though the doctors said it's gonna be slow, really. I've called you a lot today… Busy day?"

"It wasn't, really. I've spent most of the day with Sum. I've left my phone at home, I'm so sorry."

He thought she sounded so repentant that it didn't seem it was only about the phone she was talking about. Something was definitely off.

"It's okay. Really. Nothing big happened. I've missed you, that's all."

"Are you gonna come over for New Year's Eve?"

"Yup. Count me in for the party." He said, not really sure if he was promising a doable thing.

"Okay, then." She said, not managing to sound really happy about it.

"I love you, Marissa."

"Me too." She said, knowing she wasn't exactly lying. Obviously she didn't love him the same way she loved Ryan. But she did love him.

"It's late here." She heard him yawning. "I'm gonna go for a stroll around the field and then go to bed."

"Okay, baby." She said. "Things are gonna be alright, you know."

"I'll be alright when I see your pretty face." He said and she knew he was smiling at the phone.

"See you soon. Miss you, too." She caught herself saying what he wanted to hear.

"Love you. Bye."

He hung up and walked to the front porch of the house, to take a look at the sky and try to put his mind out of things. He'd been feeling jealous all day and it wasn't a healthy feeling. It made him anxious, wondering and worrying about where Marissa was and if she was with Ryan. Talking to her didn't do him much better. He could feel she wasn't being natural with him, he could feel her distancing from him. They were falling apart and he felt incapable of stopping it.

He sat at one of the chairs in the terrace and closed his eyes. He dozed off. When he woke up, the first thing he saw almost made his heart jump out of his chest.

The most beautiful red haired woman he'd ever seen in his life was standing at the steps of the small stairs that led to where he was.

She looked a little different, but the way she looked at him left him no doubts about who she was.


	19. Chapter 19

He felt his heartbeat speeding. He could hardly believe his eyes. It seemed impossible that so many years after he'd given up looking for her, she'd just show up in his doorstep as if she had never left.

She didn't move. She seemed to be waiting for some signal from him that she could get any closer. She looked at him and that look had so many different feelings in them. She felt her heart rushing into a faster beat just at the sight of him. It felt as if all those years had never passed by.

He was afraid that if he blinked she would disappear. He kept staring at her and for a full minute or more they didn't say anything.

"Is that really you?" He asked, never taking his eyes off hers.

"Yeah. It's me. I've just got back. I wanted to see you. I know it's not the most appropriate time, but I had the feeling you'd be up…" Gillian replied. "I heard about your father."

He took a more studied look at her and realized she was bare feet; her small feet dirty from the walk of wherever she had been to here.

"How did you get here? Where were you? Why the hell did you leave? You, you have no idea… You broke my heart in so many pieces, how could you do that?" His desolate questions turning into a fit of anger.

She had stepped up into the porch but she retreated to the stairs again, a look of fear in her emerald eyes. She knew anything she had to say wouldn't be any consolation to the sorrow behind his anger.

"You have no idea how lost I have been…" She said, releasing a deep sigh.

Ian took a deep breath, not really knowing how to react to her. She had been the love of his life ever since forever. A part of him wanted to run to her and hold her tight and forbid her to leave again. Another part of him actually hated himself and her for him wanting to do that. And another part was so hurt that kept him frozen where he was, wondering why the hell had she chosen to leave him, how could she have left him like that and wondering what had happened to her the whole time he wasn't there for her.

"Don't you have anything to say to me? I'm sorry I left you and that everybody thought I was dead and I'm sorry you turned half of the world around looking for me? Something around those lines?" He asked, hurt audible in his voice.

"There's so much I have to say to you, Ian. I don't even know where I should begin…" She said, ruefully. "You're right as always. I owe you too many apologies. However, if I had stayed, I'd owe you even more…"

"How could you know, Gillian? Oh, that's right, you couldn't!"

She made gesture for him to pause.

"I was never ready for you, I was never ready for the life we were supposed to live together, I couldn't live with myself… I couldn't stand looking in the mirror and being so much like her, I couldn't stand knowing she'd killed herself because she couldn't live the life my father wanted to live with her, she didn't want to be my mother or his wife, all she ever wanted to do was leave here and I was so afraid I'd turn out to be like her and hurt you and make you crazy like she made my father be…" Her voice trailed off and he saw her hand trying to dry some tears from her face.

"I do and I don't understand what you're talking about." He said. "I don't even know if I should give you the chance to explain me anything. I don't think you deserve it." Ian said, even though he knew deep in his heart he didn't want her to leave.

"Just listen. I didn't come here to ask anything of you. I came here because I think I owe you this, some kind of closure, at least, I have to tell you why I left…" She sighed. "Will you listen?" She asked, her voice sounding more like a plea.

He wouldn't lie to her and to himself pretending that he had no feelings for her. Actually, he had so many feelings right now for her that he was far from being able to tell which would prevail. He also couldn't pretend he didn't want to know. This was far from being a story with no loose ends. Even if it was to part from each other for good, this talk was a very much needed one. One he'd wanted to have since the first time he'd departed from Scotland, looking for her. Even if it was for definite closure, he knew he had to listen to her.

"Ok. I'll listen. But not here. My mother can wake up at any moment and I have no idea how she would react to seeing you in our porch, of all people."

"Does the guesthouse still exist? Is there anyone there?" She asked.

He felt a pang in his heart when he remembered how many nights they had spent inside that house, making love and promises and plans. Of all places, she'd chosen the one with more haunting memories of them.

"Yes. No. I'll go grab the keys. Wait here, ok?"

He went to the corridor and got the keys and got back to her. They walked silently. She didn't seem to mind her bare feet on the cold grounds. He couldn't help but, as always, worry about her. Besides being barefoot she was wearing a flimsy white dress which contrasted a lot with her mane of red hair shining in the moonlight. She looked a lot healthier than the last time he'd seen her.

"Aren't you cold at all?" He asked, starting to take off his jacket.

"No. Not really. No need for the chivalry. I'm okay."

They arrived at the house and he thought that, for his own sake, it'd be better if they stayed outside. He entered once and got them a pair of chairs. Then he went inside for the second time and got enough stuff to make a small fire for them. They sat across each other.

"Do you want anything to drink?" He asked, minding his manners. After all, she was a guest.

"No, thanks." She shrugged. "I'm clean."

She didn't have the anxious, mildly crazed look or the slight tremble she would have when she was abusing her liquor or using cocaine and he had noticed that. But, as it seemed too much good news to be true, he hadn't assumed that.

"How long?" He asked.

"One year, six months and four days." She replied.

"That's good news. I was afraid you'd end up killing yourself if I wasn't around to try to protect you from yourself."

"I did." She said, drily.

"What are you saying, Gillian, for Christ's sake?"

"I did try to kill myself. I told you I had been very lost and you didn't register, I guess…"

He was shocked speechless. There was so much to her in-between life away from him that he didn't know. She seemed to be ok now, but, which hells had she been through until tonight arrived?

"We've started the story backwards, and from the look in your face I better tell you I'm not a ghost, even though I'm wearing white, have shown up at night and everything…" She tried to lighten the conversation, opening a small smile to him.

He managed to smile back, a little. But he still didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything.

"I did try to commit suicide, though. I overdosed and if John and his sister Annie hadn't stepped into my life, I wouldn't be here."

He felt a small ting of jealousy. She saw his face contort with a feeling different from the hurt she'd seen so far.

"Who's John?"

"John and Annie were my neighbors while I was living in London. They'd help me when Andrew threatened me and also when he'd beat the shit out of me…"

"Who's Andrew?" He was trying very hard not to go blind with jealousy. He had Marissa, right? He knew other people could happen in your life and your feelings for your first love could still remain the same, he told himself. He let out a deep sigh when he heard her talking about getting beaten up… Why on Earth had she left him for that kind of life, he wondered.

"It doesn't really matter. The guy you really want to know about is called Andrew and that's why I left…" She couldn't finish.

"You disappeared not leaving a trace because of another guy? This is so much fucking worse than I thought…" He said, feeling himself shake with anger. "I thought you were dead, Gillian! Did you know how I've felt all this time? No, you obviously don't."

She tried to ignore his fit and carried on.

"Andrew was my dealer. At the beginning he gave stuff to me, telling me I'd feel better after what happened with my mother, but afterwards, when he got me hooked, he'd sell them to me. When I had no more money, I would have sex with him and with whoever he wanted me to, so I could get some more, another sniff…" She was looking at the fire, her eyes very distant.

"Was all of this happening while you were here, with me?"

"I'm sorry to say it, but yes. I couldn't control it, Ian, I was addicted."

"Did it ever occur to you asking for help?"

"I thought I could manage it… Every addict thinks everything is under control, until it isn't…"

"That's why your moods would swing so much… I knew drinking couldn't be the only reason…" He said, angry about the fact that he hadn't been able to stop her.

"I was such a mess…" She sighed.

"Why did you leave?" He asked.

"After rummaging around my mother's stuff for the one thousandth time, I found her diary and the truth about their divorce. My mother was never happy with my father, she never wanted to marry him or to have me, and she only did it because her parents forced her to… She said in the diary that he was the best guy a woman could ever wish for but she didn't feel ready to commit… While they were hanging out, fooling around, she got pregnant. And with that all her dreams of being an actress, of living in Paris, all her plans went down the drain... They got married but she never felt like she fit here, people would talk behind her back about her lack of behavior as a housewife, she couldn't hide her depression and dissatisfaction and my father, who was in love with her from their first kiss, did all he could to make her feel better and nothing ever worked… He began drinking a lot and he'd tell her it was to ease the pain of her incapability of loving him back. They'd always fight and in one of those fights, she left and they divorced. She didn't want me, so I stayed behind with Dad, as you know. But she couldn't live with herself, with her frustrations…She felt guilty, she said in her diary that she'd ruined a wonderful husband forever… Not standing not having lived the life she'd wished for, she thought killing herself would be the easy way…"

"And so did you, a few years later…"

"Thank God it didn't work out. Anyway, when I read all of that, it reflected much of what I felt… I loved you, I wanted to be with you, but I didn't want to stay here forever, to live the same life of my parents, to ruin you… I didn't want to become her, with sons I didn't wish for and to live with you only because we'd met very young and were together for a long time while my dreams of travelling the world shattered… I didn't fit here anymore than she did. You and I know I was the talk of the town after she died… So I left, thinking I was going after my dream of discovering the world and also thinking I was letting you free to live the quiet life you wished for, with a good wife and kids, like we planned when we were kids… Those plans weren't for me anymore and I didn't have the guts to tell you that, so I just ran away. I'm so sorry you can't even imagine…" Tears were streaming down her face.

"We could have changed our plans, Gillian."

"I was terrified of becoming her, Ian. Her diary could as well be mine; I felt the same she did. And I didn't want to end up the same way she did, ruining you alongside with myself… I'm sorry for how you must've felt after I left but I'm not sorry for leaving. It was for the best." She talked in between sobs.

"What else happened?" He tried not to be moved by her crying but his heart kept telling him to just hold her and forget everything else.

"I moved to London, then to Ireland, then to Holland, Germany, France, then back to London… I worked at bars, dancing, stripping, tending tables, had sex for money many more times than you can count and got enough money to keep using it… Sometimes I'd find a guy who'd use me and pay my share of drugs and I would let them but it usually ended up with me getting spanked and running away…" She kept talking, her voice sounding devoid of emotions. "I didn't have any control over my life… I do hope you'll understand that some day and maybe will forgive me…"

"You can't imagine how sorry I feel that you went through all of it… I wish I had known how you felt; I wish I could have stopped you… God…" He rested his head in his hands.

"What matters most is, even thought you weren't there, I got rescued from myself, eventually. And that's why I'm here to tell you that I've been to hell, but I've managed to crawl my way back, that you don't have to worry about me being dead in a ditch somewhere."

"Why are you here? I mean, why now of all times?"

"I'm guessing you haven't been around here for a long time, so you don't know… My father's dead, Ian." She took a deep breath. "Shot himself."

He couldn't keep his mouth from hanging open for a few seconds, unable to utter a word.

"There wasn't love lost between us, so I'm not as sad as I was when mom died, but I can't help but think about how her unhappiness tore three people's lives apart, four if we count you in… How can one person cause so much damage?"

"Seems she did it… I haven't tried to kill myself, but I won't pretend that, in the early years of your disappearance, I haven't given it some serious thoughts…" He replied. "When's the burial?"

"It was this afternoon. We arrived yesterday. The maid found him and told Helen, who was the contact I found to keep track of him without him knowing where I was once I was clean… Our relationship was too broken to be mended so I kept an eye on him from a distance… She was the person who told me you were here and that Mr. Davis is not doing well."

"Who fixed you?"

"John did. Annie helped. They took me to a very good clinic and I got therapy, drugs, talks, company and after four months there, I don't feel the need anymore and even if I feel it, I can try and control it, one day at a time."

"That's good to hear. Are you moving back here?" He asked, feeling some hope of them at least becoming friends.

"No, I'm not. I have… I have married John…" She sighed. "I'm sorry for saying it so bluntly, but there's no way of being subtle about that kind of thing… I'm sorry."

"You're telling me you're sorry you married him? Why did you even come back, Gillian?" He couldn't help it. He was crying. "Wasn't it good enough breaking my heart once? Do you have to do it twice and God knows how many times in one lifetime?" He stood up and walked away from where they were sitting.

"I left you so you could be happy, Ian. Even if your happiness meant not being together anymore. I didn't have anything good in me to offer you." She was crying too. "Why can't you understand that?" She walked towards him and turned him around to face her.

"You weren't the one who moved around like a fucking gipsy looking for a red haired girl, feeling your heart skip a beat every time you saw someone with your hair, hoping that you would be safe, hoping that you would be fucking alive!" He yelled.

"I said I'm sorry!" She yelled back at him. "What else can I do? I came back to tell you I am fuckin' alive!"

"And married!" He said, exasperated. He couldn't hide his frustration that when she'd got back on her feet, she'd settled with someone that wasn't him. He'd always wanted to fix her so they could be happy together.

"Don't say it as if you were alone all this time…" She said tentatively, supposing that a guy like him would find a nice girl, much nicer than she was and if that girl was smart enough, she would hold on to him. "Were you?" Somewhere in her heart, she felt herself wishing he hadn't married.

"I have been… Until recently… A girl from California ended up in Greece, which is where I live now, and she was broken like you were, and I helped her fix, like that John of yours did, but we didn't marry, no such luck for me…"

"Are you in love with her?"

"I am. I do love her, which is something I didn't think I would ever be capable of again…" He sighed. "I had all these unresolved feelings about you, and now you're back and… They're going to remain unresolved, but in a different way."

"What did you fix her from?"

"Drinking. She doesn't, anymore. At least, I hope so. She's in California for the Holidays. I was supposed to be with her, but can't. That's what I call destiny. Would you be here if she was, I can't help but wonder."

She smiled to herself. He'd managed to fix a stranger and hadn't fixed her. Probably because this girl was willing and she wasn't, back then. If she'd only known that she was fixable material, she wouldn't have given up a love like what they had.

"We're both going to have unresolved feelings for each other, Ian. Those feelings don't vanish. You've never done anything but good to me. Don't think it's only hard on you meeting in these circumstances. Don't you think I wonder about what it could have been?"

"Yet, you married someone else."

"I didn't manage to say no. After Annie died of an early cancer, we were already close from the time it took taking care of her… He is such a good person; he's helped me so much..."

"Do you love him?"

"I do." Not as much as I loved you, she thought to herself, not the same way, also. She took a deep breath.

"Then, don't explain any further." He took a deep breath. "I'm glad that you came here. Now, if you don't mind, leave." He said, turning his back to her again, walking towards the inside of the guest house.

She had enough reflex to grab him by his hand and turned him around.

"Do you mean it?"

He looked at her and the sadness in her eyes made his heart quiver.

"Yes, Gillian. You said what you came to, now leave. Let go of my hand, go be the free person you've always wanted to be. Let go of my heart, because there's no room for you in here anymore." He said, feeling so much hurt that he could barely bear it.

"I'm sorry, Ian. I've said I'm sorry." She started crying, sobs in between her words. "Why won't you listen? I mean it, for Christ's sake!"

"I'm listening, Gillian. But saying you're sorry won't fix everything. It won't fix the past and it surely doesn't fix the present." He did know their present situation wasn't easily fixable so he wouldn't pretend it was. They were adults now, and grown up people just didn't leap out of marriages as if they didn't mean a thing.

"I've lost count of how many times I've hurt you and of how many times I've begged you to forgive me… I know I've been weaker than I ought to be and I know you've been more patient than I've ever deserved… And I'd like to thank you for that. I wish your girl loves you as much as I do and that she sees the great man you are."

"I've always been the same, Gillian… If I was so great, why did you have to leave?"

"At the time, I couldn't see how you were trying for me…" She looked down. "You don't know how many nights I cannot sleep thinking about how happy we could have been, wishing I had gone after you after I got clean… Wishing I hadn't married…"

He felt a small surge of hope.

"Does your husband love you, Gillian?"

"Yes, he does." She sighed. "I know it's wrong and stupid of me still wanting you. You don't have to tell me off about that". She said, looking to the ground.

"It is. But that's the thing with feelings. We can't control them. We feel." He felt the urge of holding her in his arms, of pleading with her to divorce this John but he kept it to himself. "You know how I feel about you. Yet, I'm not doing anything about that. Neither your husband nor Marissa deserve this. Maybe our time has passed, Gillian." Or maybe it is yet to come, he thought to himself. God knew things and people could change. Seeing her alive was a proof of that.

"You're right. I… Just note down this phone number. It's my cell phone, the number is from London, ok?" She said the number and he put it in his cell phone.

"If our time ever arrives, we'll know and we will find each other." He said. "Don't disappear, ok?" He told her.

She threw herself in his arms and hugged him.

"I won't."

He had to struggle with all he had not to keep her in his arms. She had the same sweet smell she'd always had. He wanted to kiss her senseless. But he restrained himself. She was married. He had a girlfriend which he respected.

They held each other for a good while and then she parted, not before whispering in his ear she loved him which had him shaking as she ran back towards her family's property.

He couldn't help but smile to himself foolishly for the next hour. Gillian was alive and well. He loved her enough to let her be happy, even if that didn't mean being with him. She said she loved him. If that was true, when she wasn't satisfied with her life anymore, she'd come back to him. If it was really the time for them to be together, he'd be available for her. If he wasn't, it would mean it wasn't meant to be.

"I'm not letting you pass me by, Summer." He said, a loving look in his eyes. "We won't break, we won't end. It's a huge change, but we'll come around it. Me and you, we are everything that's right".

"Do you really mean this?"

"Course I mean this. I'm the one that's staying, so you better hold on to our memories when some hot guy from abroad chases you as if you were a lone adventurer looking for fun!"

"That won't happen. You know you have nothing to worry about."

"I do. Because you're my Summer Roberts and mine alone". He paused to plant a soft kiss on her lips. "Actually, you're my Super Saving the World Summer. In times of global warming who could say summer could actually help with the environment?" He asked, laughing.

"SO funny." She said, not managing to hold a serious face for long.

"After you come back from the _Esperanza _trip, you're joining the College of Environment in the University of Washington for how many years, again?"

"Four years, approximately."

"During which we'll visit as frequently as we can. That's nonnegotiable."

"You say that as if I would ever want to negotiate on that…" She said, smiling.

"So, this is my deal: we'll do it. I'm positive we can totally make it." He took a deep breath. "Which means that, when you come back, you're marrying me." He looked at her, meaningfully.

"God! You really were serious about it on Chrismukkah, weren't you?"

"One doesn't let the love of his life escape like that. Once we find it, we never let go."

"You're the most lovable, adorable guy I'll ever find in my life, Cohen. I'd be very stupid if I didn't say YES. YES! One thousand times yes!" She said, throwing herself in his arms, nearly rocketing them down on the floor from the hammock they were on.

He was supposed to have left one day ago. He'd rescheduled his ticket to tomorrow and he still didn't know how he was expected to leave. Actually, he didn't know how he was supposed to leave _her_.

That huge mane of red hair on his pillow had been with him at his hotel since the day after Christmas and they had barely left the bedroom, ordering room service nearly two times a day. As he called the restaurant to ask for dinner to be delivered in their room again, he kept watching her sleeping, breathing very softly. He didn't want to leave.

Since she had showed at his hotel door, they hadn't really stopped to discuss the specifics of them being in love and wanting to stay together forever and how that was going to happen. But he wanted to make sure it did. Because it would break his heart to leave without her, Jimmy thought to himself.

She stirred.

"Hey… Been up for a long time?"

"Nope, just woke up, feeling hungry, ordered us some dinner. Are you hungry too?"

"Yes, actually, I'm starving." She said looking surprised. "All this activity has increased my appetite, I guess."

"If someone had told me on Christmas you'd come back and stay, I wouldn't have believed…" He said, looking at her in the loving way he always did.

"What can I do? You trapped me here…" She smiled.

"It's a shame I can't keep you trapped for good… I have to get back tomorrow night. It's the only flight they could arrange me."

The smile vanished from her face.

"What is it?" He asked.

"This was supposed to be a one night stand deal only but somehow we didn't go by the book and now here we are and we…"

"We? You mean you, when you showed up here and laid _that_ hand of cards in the table."

"We have to say goodbye and it wasn't supposed to hurt but it is hurting already..." Hailey said, looking at her hands.

"We don't."

"How is this going to work out, Jimmy? I've my business which is in the other side of the world, you've got yours…"

"We'll work it out. For now, I just want you to say yes." He said, opening a drawer and getting a small light blue square box.

"What?"

"Marry me, Hailey."

"Yes. Yes. One thousand times YES! She said as she opened the box to find a huge diamond ring with the most loving smile to him.

He put the ring on her finger.

"Did you actually believe I had left the bedroom for a business meeting?" He said, smiling to her.

"I love you, Jimmy." Hailey said, leaning in to kiss him, thinking that a lightning did strike twice at the same place and that she was lucky enough for that.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hi all, I know you've been reading around and stuff, however, I haven't got a clue if you guys are enjoying the turns the story is taking, so, if you would be so kind, I'd love some reviewing and to tell you I consider welcome any type of criticism. So thanks in advance. =)**

Chapter 19

The afternoon went by lazily at Newport Beach, the warm weather keeping people at the beach until nearly 4 p.m. and it kept them from going back home.

Summer felt peaceful. She could hardly believe there had been, actually, one way out of the drama she had predicted for them. It wasn't an easy one but they were willing to make it work long distance so it would. They would mostly communicate through e-mails while she was at the ship but then she went to college, they'd do the flying back and forth routine as often as they could. And she was engaged! She kept waving her ring in front of herself as if she couldn't really believe it.

"I can hardly believe this... This feels, as you would say, awesome. The fab four!" Summer said, stretching at her beach chair. "It's too good to be true."

"Actually, it's too weird to be true. Did you manage to make her confess yet?"

"Cohen! The way you put it makes it sound as if they're committing a felony!"

"They kinda are…"

"Sure, there's something going on between them but they won't tell us, so we can't know for sure."

"They are glowing near each other, Summer. Especially Marissa. We can't be wrong about this."

"Look at them, they look sooo happy together. I just wish they would stay that way."

A few steps ahead of them, closer to the water, Ryan and Marissa were tossing a volley ball around, laughing outloud and taking a dip once in a while, laughing and exchanging complice looks.

"We are sooo happy together, too." Seth said, smiling to her.

"Yes, we are."

"And we are to be married after college, too." He said, grinning.

"I still don't know how you tricked me into this." She said, grinning back and staring at the diamond in her hand.

"Because I'm a very smart man and you couldn't miss the opportunity of keeping me promised to you until you come back from your round the world trip. I'm such a catch; you couldn't afford the risk of losing me…"

"You have no idea how much I'm gonna miss you, Cohen…" She said, looking deeply into his eyes.

"No, no, no, don't do this. Every time you look at me that way next thing I know you are going to start crying." He said, waving his hands in front of her as if to shoo her tears away.

She started laughing, instead.

"They are definitely staring." He said.

"They are taking turns watching us. It's actually kinda fun to watch…" Marissa replied.

"It's driving me crazy." He said, looking into her eyes with a serious expression.

"What is driving you crazy?"

"Having you here, not being allowed to hold you and kiss you and…" He took a deep breath and kept staring.

"Don't look at me like this because _that look_ is gonna drive me crazy…"

"Please, just, make an excuse and come see me tonight." He said, closing the distance between them, his voice hoarse. "I miss you already…"

She felt a chill run down her spine. And it was one of excitement.

"But it's been only two days since…"

"Too long…" He said smiling to her mischievously.

"Now _you_ _are_ driving _me_ crazy, you know that, right?" As he kept looking at her as if he were gonna kiss her and lay with her right there and then, in the sand, she complied. "Ok, ok. I'll find a way out tonight and call you. Can we please get back to playing? They are _really_ staring now." She said, not managing to hold back a grin.

"So, Dad went crazy in love and flew back to Greece with my new stepmom!" Marissa said, ending the story she'd been telling Summer.

"Hailey and your Dad. Again. How come we've never really found out about the first time?"

"We were too busy with our own dramas, I guess."

"Speaking of which, I do have my own drama to talk about. It's about time I came clean about this with you".

By the time she finished telling Marissa, her friend was agape.

"You? Saving the world? Is there a hot guy involved? Because if there is, I have to remind you that you've gone down that road before and you didn't manage to make yourself love Zach, remember? You love Seth, Summer, stop trying to run away from that, for crying out loud…"

"And that coming from Ryan's run away girlfriend…"

"Give it a rest, Sum…" She couldn't help the smile when she heard the world girlfriend. Summer didn't know it yet but she did like to hear it again. She was Ryan's girlfriend. Not running away anymore, actually.

"See? When I see you smiling like that when the subject is Ryan I do get the feeling that there's something going on about you and him that Seth and I are not aware of. Rest assured, Marissa, I'm gonna be royally pissed off if you guys screw the holidays again!"

Ian was sitting again at the porch of his house again. As in most of the times he called, Marissa hadn't answered and he couldn't be still, wondering what was happening in her life that kept her away from the phone all the time. He feared that, when he got to Newport it'd be too late. God, had she fallen back in love with Ryan? Had she ever stopped being in love with him, he kept asking himself.

He knew you didn't forget the love of your life so easily. There was Gillian, whom he had loved so much and who had made his heart skip a beat two days ago. He couldn't say he didn't love her anymore. But he couldn't say that he didn't love Marissa, either. He missed her. God, he missed her with everything he had. Her easy smiles, the way she would let herself be held in his arms, the way she kissed him, so soft and caressing. He couldn't stand losing twice.

As if summoned from his thoughts, his phone rang and her name appeared at the caller ID.

"Hi, baby…" He said.

"Hey... How are things?"

"Missing you." He said, taking a deep breath.

"I know. Missing you too. Wish I could be there for you…" She knew she didn't mean it as being there as girlfriend more as a friend.

"Same here..."His voice trailed off.

"Anything new has happened? You sound different…" She asked because she felt like he wanted to say something.

"Yeah. Kind of. I don't know if I want to talk about it…"

"If you do… You know who to call…" She said, trying not to sound curious.

"Gillian's back. She's alive."

"Wow. I mean… Wow. I… I don't know what to say, actually…" She didn't know the details but she did know that he had really loved that girl in the past and that the girl had vanished without a trace.

"Well married, too, so, no worrying, okay?" He said, misinterpreting her stuttering of surprise for jealousy.

"Okay." She let out a sigh that maybe he'd mistake for relief when it was actually disappointment. As soon as he'd mentioned Gillian's return, she'd imagined it would be their way out… But no, God knew she wanted an easy way of ending this but it was so not going to happen, she thought to herself.

"I'll be there in two days; can you stand being away from me for this long?"

"I guess I'll manage. Summer, Seth and Ryan are keeping me busy, so, don't worry."

"Ok, then. Love you. Bye." He said. Not worry with Ryan among the people who were keeping her busy? He shook his head to himself.

"Love you too. Bye."

When she hung up, she laid in her bed, feeling the most horrible person in the world. Each phone call made her feel more awful. Ian was such a nice guy, who'd helped her lift herself up again, who loved her, who only brought happiness to her life… He had never hurt her, not even the slightest bit. No wonder she didn't have the guts to sound distant, to give him any hint that their story wasn't supposed to be anymore. She just couldn't do that to him, not even on the phone… She let out a deep sigh, wondering how she was supposed to tell him the truth when he got here.

They were sitting at the Jacuzzi, enjoying the little time they found for each other in their busy routines with two glasses of wine and a cold cuts board.

"It's been forever, hasn't it?" Sandy said, holding her hand.

"Yes, it has. But the break ends tomorrow night, have to start arranging things for the party…"

"Wasn't Julie supposed to help you, honey?"

"You know how she is…"

"What about Hailey? Can't she come over and help you order the caterers around?"

"Are you serious, Sandy?" She asked, stifling a laugh. She did know Hailey hadn't exactly said formal goodbyes but she didn't know that Jimmy hadn't either.

"Why, yes…"

"Then I have big news for you… Jimmy is family now. He and Hailey are to be married in Greece. They actually probably have arrived there already…"

"Really?"

"Really."

"That's good. Jimmy deserves some happiness of his own. His wedding to Julie was such a disaster… And if he and Hailey didn't work out the first time, maybe they'll do it now." He made a pause. "Speaking of deserving some happiness, guess who's been singing around the house, not the same brooding person as before…"

"Who? No, no, no, wait! I have much bigger news!" Kirsten said, anxiously, making a gesture for him to stop.

" Okay, then. You go first."

"Did you happen to notice a huge diamond ring on Summer's finger when they all came back from the beach? I must confess I don't know how long it's been there, I've only noticed today! What kind of mother am I?" She said, not managing to hide a huge smile.

"Awww, but that's too cute to be true. Seth and Summer getting married! I've always thought he wouldn't make it until marriage… Thought she might kill him in one of those rage fits of her…" Sandy said stifling a laugh.

"She wouldn't bear living without him afterwards. Now it's your turn. Hand me your piece of gossip!"

"We are two old yentas, aren't we?"

"Sure we are. Now do tell, I'm curious!" Kirsten said, tickling him.

"Ok, ok. Ryan's been easy on the smiles. Humming songs around the house and all. Didn't you notice?"

"I kinda did… But I was kind of trying not to get my hopes up. We both know where that smile probably comes from and we also know how short this kind of happiness usually lasts for him…"

"I'm worried, to tell you the truth. From what Julie says, Marissa was living with that boyfriend of hers and if she and Ryan are back, things aren't going to look pretty when he arrives…"

"I can only hope they'll do things in a civilized way. I think we are all past Ryan punching Marissa's boyfriends, aren't we?"

Sandy gave a heartily laugh.

"Like you said, we can only hope. We are parents and when they are this age all we can do is watch and try to help, when they ask."

Summer was resting in her bedroom to their girls' night out with Seth (seeing as he'd established he wasn't missing any second he had left with her) later on the night when she woke up to use the bathroom and heard some rustling in Marissa's room. Wasn't she supposed to be napping too; she thought to herself as she got up lazily and crossed the bathroom that joined their bedrooms.

When Marissa heard the door creaking she couldn't disguise her dismay when Summer stepped out of the bedroom.

"Coop, what are up to? It's only seven and we are not supposed to leave until around midnight. Why are you changing?" She asked when she saw that Marissa had been struggling to get inside a white dress and was now panting from the effort, having just stopped trying get it on but also not managing to get if off her.

"I… I was just trying it on…" Marissa replied with a frustrated sigh.

"Come on, Coop, why doing it with the sandals on and all… You're more of a dress up and go girl and we both know it… Go get some rest 'coz if you don't, you'll end up wanting to come home too early…" Summer whined.

"I can't! I can't get in or easily out of this goddamned dress! It either stays stuck in my boobs or in my thighs…" She said, sitting down, looking tired.

"I wasn't going to say it because you worry too much and all but I did notice you put on some weight… Didn't you notice? I thought it was due to Ian's cooking so well…" Marissa shrugged. "Come here, let me help you out…"

When they were done with the dress, which had to be cut off her, Marissa tried her best to dismiss Summer but her friend kept coming up with one new subject after the other and she just wouldn't leave her bedroom. Her phone buzzed.

It was a text from Ryan. "It's cold out here. Won't you come? Love, Ryan." Oh God, she thought, drawing in a lungful of air. They had arranged to meet at the pier so they could hang out on their own for a while. She missed him already, she thought to herself. She felt like dropping everything and leaving to meet him.

"What is it? Is Ian texting you?" Summer asked, walking towards Marissa who tried to get the phone out of her friend sight.

She knew Marissa was trying to get rid of her so she could go wherever she was planning to go and she did have lots of suspicion about who she was gonna meet wherever she went. This had been going too far and it was time Marissa came out with the truth, she thought to herself. Even if it was for her to help with the cover up. She couldn't stand being left out of the loop.

"No. It was just Dad. Saying he and Hailey have arrived safely." She said, trying to sound relaxed, as she locked the phone.

"Oh, come on, Coop! I know you weren't trying on that dress as I also know that this text you just got isn't from Jimmy! I'm your best friend! Just confess you were sneaking out to meet Ryan! I'm 100% sure of that so don't you dare trying to lie to me." Summer said looking at her, determined to get the truth out of her even if it was by force.

Marissa looked down. She hadn't really wanted to let Summer out of her romance life, however, things were so unstable still, there was so much to deal with…

"Marissa! I'm your best friend, in case you didn't notice in all these years! I'll help you run away and marry him in Vegas if that's the plan! Just tell me what's going on, honey."

"I'm still so completely in love with him, Sum. _We_ are _so_ in love and _so_ happy together that I'm afraid something terrible will happen and end all of it." Marissa said, her eyes wide as she listened to herself talking about her feelings for Ryan so openly.

"Something terrible _will_ happen, that's a sure thing. Ian is arriving in two days, right? How do you guys expect it not to turn ugly when he gets here?" She asked, in a concerned tone.

"I'm supposed to break up with him… I'm not going to mention Ryan or anything at first. He'll probably know, seeing as he knows a little about our past but he'll have to guess about that, I really don't want to rub it in his face now or never. He doesn't deserve this."

"It's gonna be awful."

"I know, I know…" She said, shaking her head as if to push the thought away. "The only moments I don't feel terribly guilty is when I'm with Ryan but as soon as we part, all I can think is about the gravity of what we are doing to Ian, I mean, he's helped me so much… He loves me, Sum… What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, unfortunately for Ian, there's only one Marissa available and as it seems you've chosen to be with Ryan; speaking of which, now that the secret's out, you should either go meet him or text him to meet up at the Bait Shop later…"

"I don't know… I don't know if I want us to go all Fantastic Four so soon… Like I said, I'm afraid everybody will have their hopes up and then something happens and we don't work out again…"

"Apart from Ian, what could possibly happen? Aren't you happy with him? Aren't you resolved to stay?"

"I'm living in the present, Sum. One day at a time. Yes, I am happy with him. Yes, I'm madly in love with him. However, about staying in Newport I did tell him I was staying when I actually don't know for sure, so… It's too soon…. Being okay together, not fighting, I want to see how things plays out…"

"So you're going to bail on the Bait Shop and I can't tell Seth…" Summer said, sounding slightly frustrated.

"Kind of and no. I'm gonna be a little late for the Bait Shop, that's all. And if you excuse me, I gotta hurry; we were supposed to meet at the pier half an hour ago." She said as she walked to her wardrobe to pick something to wear. She decided on flats a pair of black leggings, a pink satin cami and a soft black leather jacket.

"Go ahead, I'll just sit by and chat until you leave. Let me just go to the bathroom for a quick pee and I'll be right back." Summer said.

When she came back she looked at her friend getting ready, took a deep breath.

"Just… Just don't go all Thanksgivings on him again, ok? He was in hell after you left…"

Marissa limited herself to nodding, a guilty look on her face as she also remembered Seth telling her off about the same thing. She hadn't been any good either. She could only imagine how Ryan had been.

As Marissa shimmied out of the pajamas she had put on after she had been rescued from the dress, Summer couldn't avoid staring. Marissa's flat belly was gone. Really gone. She had a small swell at the place where nothing existed before. She had noticed Marissa had put on some weight but that had happened before and it had never migrated to her friend's belly before which would usually cause her some envy, she thought to herself. However, seeing as her friend was so keen to eating disorders she decided not to mention the words weight and gain twice at the same night.

"I thought you had bailed on me…" he said, rushing forward to embrace her as she walked towards him.

"I didn't… There's been a little problem at home…"

"Julie?"

"Nope. Sum. She knows. Sorry. She caught me getting ready to leave, I couldn't make up a story quick enough…"

"It's okay. She would find out, sooner or later…"

"God, I missed you." He said, still holding her, smelling the sweet scent that came from her hair.

"And I missed you. Look at us. So cute." She said, looking up to meet his eyes.

Her loving stare made his heart skip a beat.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"Right." She said smiling to him.

"No matter what happens, keep that in mind."

"I will. I love you too. So much more than I did before, you have no idea…"

They kissed passionately. He felt like he was living a dream, which made him edgy about the upcoming and possibly unpleasant waking up that was supposed to happen with Ian's arrival.

They stood at the pier, staring at the sea and the sky as he held her in his arms, silently for a while, until he broke the quiet with something that had been bothering him, stirring in his mind, not giving him rest lately.

"Has he called you today?" He asked referring to Ian.

"He does it daily, Ryan…"

"Have you given him any clue about…?"

"I can't, Ryan… I don't really know how to do this any other way than telling him we're off… And I can't do it over the phone. I'm sorry." Her eyes had a slight glimmer. She felt bad about what they were doing to Ian and the idea of facing him and breaking his heart had been paining her more as the day of his arrival approached. Facing the consequences of the choices she'd so easily made a few days ago didn't feel so easy now.

He fell silent, noticing the tears welling in her eyes, wondering about the depth of her feelings for this guy. Wondering if her will to stay with him would quaver when Ian arrived, with all his gentleman manners and the obvious love that he too felt for her written all over his eyes. God, he couldn't afford losing her all over again so soon. He didn't deserve this. The thought of her corresponding Ian's feelings somehow had a raw feeling of possessiveness stirring in his gut. He felt a surge of jealousy that made his breath falter. She was his, he thought to himself as he inhaled deeply.

His silence frightened her. Even though he kept holding her she could feel his distance. She knew he doubted her resolve to be with him. And, their past considered, she couldn't blame him for that. She wanted him to trust her but she couldn't really trust how she'd been feeling about staying in Newport… And staying with him sort of implied that. She had too many unhappy memories here who still wound too deep. She wanted to be with him, that she knew for sure, no matter what. She remembered very well the pain she felt when they were not together. She just wouldn't bear leaving him again. She may have not thought about details for their relationship to work out, but she did believe they could make it even if it was long distance.

She turned around to face him. The hard look on his face showed how vexed he felt about this. She lifted her hand to his face and caressed his cheek and chin.

"I swear I'm not stalling, baby. I am sure of what I want. I'll tell him everything as soon as he gets here." She said, looking into his eyes, hoping he'd see she meant it.

"I… I just don't see why you are delaying this. It bothers me. It's… It doesn't help me trust the way you feel about me… I'm sorry to be saying this when all seems to be so good, but the fact that you are so worried about his feelings kinda gets me…" He said, feeling a certain relief in letting out something that would come to his mind once in a while these days. However, the feeling came mixed with the bitter certainty that their truce was over.

"Well. It shouldn't. You can't imagine the guilt I've been feeling over this…"

"If you're feeling so guilty, which, in my opinion, you shouldn't be, why talk to him face to face? Why need to have him fly all the way here to tell him it's over? I don't get it, really, I don't, Marissa."

"I… I can't do this to him on the phone, Ryan. It would be too cruel."

"It's nothing you haven't done before. It won't hurt any more or less. It will hurt. You can't imagine how it rips me apart seeing how much you care about him. Is worry all that there is?"

She shook her head no but her eyes betrayed her. She did love Ian in a very much different way from the way she loved Ryan. She didn't feel any passion for Ian, she didn't want to be with Ian forever and she didn't tremble with emotion when Ian said he loved her, but she did love him back somehow. It was not even one tenth of what he felt for her but it was more than Ryan could bear to know. She'd gotten attached to the way he treated her, she was grateful for the way he'd helped her with her drinking issues, for his patience, for his love, which didn't mean she loved Ryan any less. How could she explain it to him, who was looking as if he'd just been stabbed in the chest with the truth she wasn't telling him but was obvious.

"Don't even try to explain it." He said, removing his arms from her. "You are not supposed to be feeling guilty, Marissa, because he's not supposed to have any claim over you because you should not regard him as if you love him back. I don't give a damn about how he feels about you, but if you, if you…" He couldn't bring himself to say the words; he was actually shaking with jealousy.

"It's not like that, Ryan…" She tried to explain herself but she could see he was fuming and probably wouldn't listen.

"God, I'd never thought we'd come to this…"

"You're the one who's throwing a jealousy fit."

"This is not a fucking jealousy fit! You have feelings for him, you know it and that's why you can't even give him a hint that your relationship with him is over!"

"Yes, I have feelings for him, Ryan… It's just not…"

He made a gesture for her to stop. He felt his stomach sinking. This night was becoming a nightmare.

"Does breaking my heart get you off somehow?" He asked, dryly. "You keep doing it over and over…"

"It's not like you think it is, Ryan. I don't love him the same way as I love you."

"So, you're saying you do love him. I don't think I need to keep listening."

And just like that he turned his back on her and left her alone at the pier.

**So, reviews? Pretty please? =)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

She could barely believe what had just happened and it actually only dawned on her after five minutes since he'd left that she'd just had a serious fight with Ryan about Ian… Goddamn it, she thought to herself, Ryan could be really stubborn when he wanted to. He just wouldn't listen. She'd never seen him act so jealous since Oliver, so hurt about what she'd said. Coming to think of it, she didn't know why the hell did she have to say to Ryan that she loved Ian?! He'd never understand it was so very different of what she felt for him.

It had been a misunderstanding. He'll come around and we'll talk and this will be over in no time. We are going to be just fine, she thought to herself as she paid her admittance to the Bait Shop.

After looking around for a while, she found Summer and Seth dancing together. Oh, great, she thought, third wheel.

"You don't look good." Summer said as soon as she approached them.

"We had a fight. About Ian, can you picture that?" She said, shaking her head, irritated with what had happened.

"Yup. I can totally picture that. Was he jealous?"

"Really jealous. I don't know what has gotten into him."

"I do. Waiting for Ian to come here to break up with him is very considerate of you in comparison of the not so nice ways you've broken up with Ryan through time…"

"I'm not the same as I was before, Sum. I know I haven't been a good girlfriend or ex-girlfriend for Ryan. Don't think I don't know that. I was trying to be better with Ian."

"At Ryan's expense? Are you out of your mind?"

Her phone buzzed in her pocket.

"Wait a sec, it's him."

As he walked back to the Cohen's he just couldn't drive away the hurt he was feeling. Deep down he knew that Marissa obviously didn't love Ian in any similar way to how she loved him. But he couldn't deal with sharing not even a little part of her love. He didn't want her to be considerate, to be compassionate, to be nice with Ian when she hadn't been any of that to him in all times they'd broken up. He felt jealous and irrational and so fucking angry that he couldn't make her do things the way he wanted them to be.

He didn't want to risk Ian coming here and her changing her mind. But it seemed that was out of his control.

He opened the door and found nobody around the house. Trying to cool off, he went to the kitchen, grabbed a Corona and went to sit by the pool. As the anger he thought he was feeling turned into the hurt and fear of losing her that he was actually feeling, he let out a deep sigh. God, he missed her already. What had gotten into him, for Christ's sake?

He started reviewing the fight in his mind and he knew he was the one who had caused it. As he remembered it, he was also reminded about the sad look on Marissa's face and panic of her reaction crept on him. A flashback of Thanksgivings reached his mind and he felt himself shake with fear of the possibility of her get back to drinking because of him.

Fuck no, please; he thought to himself, please, be better than this. He grabbed the car keys, and then took a deep breath. Overreacting. He decided on calling Summer but no one answered, he tried Seth's phone and got the same reply. Ok, he thought to himself, he was going to have to swallow any pride he had left and call Marissa.

"Hello." She said as she picked up. He heard loud music on the background.

"Hey, I-I… I am worried. Is everything alright? Are you alright?" He didn't really know what to say.

"No, actually. I'm kinda pissed but I'm hoping it will pass." When you apologize, she thought to herself.

"Are you drinking? If you aren't, I'm sorry, I mean, I don't know what's gotten into me, suddenly I felt like Thanksgivings and I felt so worried, I… I guess I'm panicking…" He took a deep breath. "I can't help worrying about you. That's it, I've said it."

"No, I'm not drinking. I'm at the Bait Shop with Summer and Seth and I'll go home when they do, so you don't need to worry about me."

"That was a stupid fight."

"No, it wasn't." She said and he couldn't hear the background noise anymore. "Can you please hold? There's someone calling; let me check who it is."

When she looked at the screen, she saw it wasn't a call it was actually a text from Ian, saying his father had had a sudden decrease in his state and that he was being taken to the ICU, asking her to pray for him. Shit, she thought to herself. She knew that when she told Ryan what it was, he'd be all pissed off again.

"It wasn't a call," she said as she got back to him, "It was a text from Ian."

"It's ok, don't need to go any further. I just called to check on you and I have checked so…" He felt the need to yell at the unfairness of the world. Why couldn't the guy give her a break?

"His father's gotten worse and he asked me to pray for him, that's all there is, Ryan."

"Obviously, you're the first person he'd tell…" He knew he was being bitter but he couldn't help himself.

"I'm still his girlfriend, in case you've forgotten… It's only natural he'd call me…" She tried to reason with him, even knowing it was useless.

"No, Marissa, I haven't forgotten, because he won't let me, he won't let you forget it either. I don't forget you're not my girlfriend not even for a second, because every day I wish you were."

She felt guilt. The way things were now, the three of them were suffering and she didn't have a way out that could make the three of them happy.

"His father's disease is not making me stay with him, Ryan. When he comes here in New Year's Eve, we'll talk and…"

"Ok. Until then, I'm going to let you be for a while. After you've sorted things out with Ian, we'll talk."

"It doesn't have to be like this."

"I can't stand the way it is now. It's breaking me… I can't stand your guilt, I can't stand the fact that you are torn, knowing this is tearing apart my feelings, Marissa. I love you and I don't want to lose what we have fighting about someone who should've never been between us."

"I love you, too and you know it." She said and he knew from her voice that she was crying. His heart shrank.

"If you do, you know what you have to do." He said as he hung up, hoping it was the right thing to do.

**31****st**** December**

Miserable. That was the definition of his state. He'd only leave the house for a jog early in the morning and then he'd stay in Seth's bedroom or the pool house all day. He had to thank God he'd driven Theresa and Aiden back to Chino the day before; otherwise he'd be forced to be in a good mood for them. And he didn't want it. He felt terrible. It was too hard letting go of her, even if it was for two days only. She hadn't called; she hadn't shown up at the Cohen's. He knew it was necessary but it tore his heart apart not even listening to her voice.

"Good gracious, someone's really had a drink here last night." Seth said as he entered the pool house.

Ryan was lying with half his body out of the bed and a pile of Coronas laid on the floor close to him.

"Leave." Was all he cared to say.

"I'm not leaving."

"Seth, I need to sleep."

"But it's New Year's Eve!"

"Don't care."

"Kirsten's asked us to help with the party…" Seth lied flatly.

"That is a low blow. You know I wouldn't get up otherwise."

"She needs some strong arms to help and I'm surely not the wisest choice…"

"I just… I don't feel like New Year's Eve. I feel like shit."

"Remember you brought this on yourself."

"Yeah, I did."

"What sadistic feeling got into you that made you ask Marissa about the nature of her feelings for the only guy she's had a steady, healthy relationship after you? The guy who got her to stop drinking and that took care of her when you couldn't? Didn't you know the answer already?"

Ryan stayed in silence.

"It's going to be ok, Ryan. Ian's gonna arrive today, Marissa's going to ditch him and you can go back to being happy ever after…"

"What if it isn't?"

"You're in a hell of a funk, aren't you?"

"I guess I am. I'll go shower and see if it goes away."

"You should call her."

"I want to. But I promised myself I wouldn't reach for her until she's figured Ian for herself." He said as he stood up, grabbed a towel and headed for the shower.

And that was a promise he was intending to keep.

It was the fourth time she counted the days in her phone's calendar and her anxiety grew wilder at each count. Shit, she thought to herself, I can't be _that _late. She took a deep breath. There had been so much going on that she hadn't realized that almost a week had passed since the day she was supposed to have had her period. She had never been a day late, she thought as a shudder of fear passed through her body.

Just think. Stop and think, Marissa, you can't be… She didn't dare to think the word, not even to herself. She took another breather and reminded herself that the few times she and Ian had had sex they'd been safe. The other times she'd done it with Ryan they'd been safe, hadn't they, she asked herself as she reviewed the last times they'd made love and she caught herself sighing with longing as she remembered how good they had been. God, she missed him sorely. She felt like running from the Roberts' house straight into the pool house and make him beg to love her one more time. She loved him so much that it hurt. She was aching for him. This distance he was imposing on them was heartbreaking and she knew he felt it too. She had seen it in his eyes when they'd met briefly by the pier, the longing and lingering look on his face in spite of him treating her as friends, she knew he wanted to crush her in his arms. It had made her tingle with anticipation of the make up sex they'd have and of all the loving words she knew he would say to her when they did.

It felt like the more they tried to put a hold on their desire, the stronger it would come to them and when it unleashed itself it was even better than the time before. More crazed, more intense, not thinking, needing in its raw form. As she remembered all those feelings, the answer came to her.

The last time they had been like this.

Thanksgivings. They had made love desperately, in such a hurry to consummate their desire; they hadn't given a damn about protection. The single memory of their lovemaking made her squirm as she remembered the feeling of him coming inside of her for the first time, the warmth of his pleasure running down her thighs as they finished and how she'd liked the feeling of having him do it without anything between them at the time and how neither of them had remembered not even for a second of the dire consequences of what they were doing. Unlike other times they'd done it, they hadn't been safe at all.

She remembered her fainting in the airport, her eating more than usual… Summer saying that she'd put on some weight… It couldn't be, could it? Not to her and Ryan of all people, that really shouldn't be happening…

She stood up and walked to the mirror. She lifted the loose white blouse she was wearing and she looked at her belly. There was a tiny, small bump in her lower belly that had been flat only two weeks ago. She rested her hand in her belly; she just didn't know what to do.

She broke down in sobs of despair. She was terrified. She stayed in a puddle, on the floor, crying in anger of destiny and of life that wouldn't let her and Ryan live a normal story. How was she supposed to tell him that? Crush his life again with the news that he was going to be a father without any planning, again? If they hadn't had these fights, she would feel safer to tell him. But, they were apart and that wasn't what she planned that would bring them back together. What if he thought she did it on purpose to make him stay with her? Would he doubt her about whom the baby's father was? Many panicked thoughts and feelings crossed her mind and she felt like fleeing. She didn't want to deal with that. She didn't want to have to tell Ryan about it. She didn't want to ruin his life and her life again. He would want to marry her out of a sense of duty and she would hate herself for that forever.

On the other side, she couldn't think of not having that baby. She knew it was his baby. The baby he'd always dreamed of having. She laid her hand lovingly on the swell in her belly, closed her eyes and imagined. A little girl with piercing blue eyes. Or a boy with his blond hair and loving smile. She felt, for a while, as the sobbing receded, like the happiest woman in the world because she had a baby of the man she'd loved most in her life inside of her. But, at the same time, she was sad beyond anything she had felt because the timing of this couldn't be worse.

She wondered if this situation couldn't get more messed up. Her phone buzzed. She jumped.

"Hello." She answered without looking who it was.

"Hey, baby. It's me. Listen, there's been a problem." It was Ian's voice, trying to sound calm.

"What happened?"

"My father's state decreased severely since last night and from what doctors say, I can only think he's dying. The doctor and staff have given up hope and told mom and me to begin our prayers."

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Ian." She felt a sudden lack of air and she held her grip on herself so she wouldn't faint after hearing such terrible news. Ian surely didn't deserve to be going through any of this. "I know it's silly to ask but how are you keeping?"

"You have no idea how it feels... We've done so much; everybody thought he would be okay. Who would think his body would fail him like that? I haven't been keeping at all. Haven't managed to eat a bite since yesterday, can't think about anything else. I wish he was lucid at least so we could say goodbye to him, but he's heavily drugged…"

"I don't really know what to say… I wish I could be there for you."

"I do, too. As you probably guessed, I'm not gonna make it there on time. I'd like to ask you something, though, if that's not asking too much."

"Do you think you could fly back after New Year's? I'm guessing he won't last long…" She thought she actually heard him sob. "It would mean a lot having you here with me." He carried on, taking a deep breath.

She could not think of any excuse on Earth for justifying not going, after all, she would have to go back at some point and, thanks to her own reserves in making Ian understand that she didn't plan to stay in a relationship with him, he had no clue about her feelings, about her situation with Ryan and worse, he had no idea there were serious chances she was pregnant. It was only to be expected that he would want the company of the woman he loved in such a difficult time of his life. He was losing his father and he was obviously hurting too much she thought as she flinched at the thought of facing Jimmy's death someday.

"Sure." She heard herself replying. How and what am I gonna tell Ryan?! She thought, in despair. One more thing she had to tell him and just didn't know how.

She was getting ready for the party. Since their fight and that not so good phone call she hadn't met Ryan but briefly. And now, when he was expecting her to have it all figured out, to have a closure for her and Ian's story, she just didn't. This night couldn't turn out really nice, she thought to herself.

Summer entered the room.

"So, I got it. It was very embarrassing to buy this sort of thing on my own, but it's best that the gossip's on me and Seth than on you." She said as she handed Marissa a brown bag from the drugstore.

"Thanks, Sum. I really don't know what to say..." Marissa said, her eyes pooling with tears. Summer was the only person she could count on in the current situation.

"Just go pee!" Summer waved her.

She couldn't hide her concern for her friend. When Marissa had called and asked her to bring a pregnancy test, she'd been so shocked she barely had time to react. Marissa was too young to be a mother. She could barely take care of herself. Actually, no. The fact that she got pregnant by accident clearly demonstrated that she couldn't take care of herself, actually. She was terrified of Julie's reaction. Of Kirsten and Sandy's reaction. They would kill Ryan. If only it was the first time… But this was no first time. You can't get two girlfriends pregnant in a matter of two years, can you? No, that surely is testing your foster parents' tolerance.

The fact that Marissa and Ryan had been sneaking behind Marissa's boyfriend's back, with whom she also had had sex didn't really help their case, Summer thought. What if Ryan, which, according to Seth, had come to question Marissa's feelings for him based on her feelings for Ian, didn't believe the child was his? What would that do to them?! What would that do to Marissa? She obviously couldn't bear going through something like that.

Adding to all that, Ian's father getting worse and his request for Marissa's presence right after New Year's Eve to which she couldn't say no to… Ryan would flip. She just knew that. If they had any chance of cutting off Ryan's stubbornness about not staying with Marissa until her deal with Ian had been solved, it had been blown up by this piece of news.

"Soooo?" She yelled to the bathroom, noticing that Marissa was taking too long.

Marissa's very white face showed up, opening the door of the bathroom. She walked towards Summer.

"It says I'm pregnant…" Marissa said as she dropped her weight on the bed. She could not say anything else at such an overwhelming certainty.

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked, her eyes so lost that it made Summer wish she knew the answer.

Sitting in front of her was just a girl. A terrified girl who couldn't handle her own mess, the same way it had been ever since Summer knew her. Difference was trouble was a little bit too deep this time.

She heard Marissa take a deep breath.

"I'm not gonna tell Ryan."

"What?! Are you out of your mind?!"

"He's even less ready to be a parent now than I am, Sum."

"But, Marissa, the baby is not yours only. It's his, too. He has a right to know."

"And what good would it do to him? What good could it bring to us?"

"You could get married and raise the baby together, Coop. We could all help!"

"I just don't see that happening, Sum."

"What are you gonna do, then?"

"I can't drop that bomb on Ryan. I'll just go back to Greece and pretend the baby is Ian's."

"What? Why in hell would you do that?"

"I can't do that to Ryan, Sum. Sandy and Kirsten would fry him. They'd make him leave college to work and provide for his kids. You do this kind of shit once and you get support, but you just can't do it twice!" Marissa sighed. "I can't believe we were so reckless…"

"Marissa, you're being reckless now. What if Ian finds out the baby isn't his? What if Ryan doesn't believe the baby isn't his? This is such a mess…" Summer said shaking her head.

"Ian's so in love with me all he wants is a reason to keep us together. He'll never have doubts and if he does have them, he'll never ask…" Marissa said, taking a deep breath. "This it. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"What are you gonna tell Ryan?"

"The truth. Or at least a half truth. I'm gonna say I'm going to Ireland because Ian's father got worse and is probably dying. He'll be so mad at me that I won't have to explain much."

"Coop, I can't even begin to tell you how wrong this decision sounds to me."

"Sum, I can't stand the idea of ruining Ryan's life while he marries me out of a sense of duty. I just can't. It's too messed up, even for us. We'd be unhappy ever after and all I want is a normal dull life for a change! I thought it was what we were heading towards but now I see that's undoable for us. I'll just move on and see what life has in store next..."

"What about what you feel for each other?"

"Sum, please don't do this. I feel bad enough already. I love Ryan so much that I can't stand the idea of not having his baby. I just don't wanna ruin his life with another unplanned child. It would ruin us. I'm going away from him so what we feel can remain."

"You know I'll support you in any decision you make, Marissa, but I truly think you should tell Ryan the truth." Summer sighed. "This is just plain stupid. What good it is loving each other so much and not being together?"

"Maybe at some point we will be, Sum. Who knows if when the baby grows up I'll be a grown woman too and I'll be good enough for Ryan?"

"That's crap talk. He doesn't give a shit if you're good enough for him or not. He loves you."

"And I love him but I won't mess up with his life again as I've done so many times before. This time, I'm in the cleanup crew."

"What can I say, Coop? I'll just wait and hope you'll change your mind."

"Please, just wait with your mouth very tightly shut, okay?"

Summer nodded and left the room, feeling so much worry she thought her head would explode.

Marissa took a deep breath and sat on the bed. She knew she was making a very serious decision. She knew that Ryan maybe would never forgive her for that if he found out. But it was for the best. Maybe someday she could come back and be with him. She could only hope he wouldn't be too mad at her tonight. But who was she kidding? He would be very pissed off when she told him she was flying back to Greece.

When he looked up at her coming down the stairs his heart started racing. He shook his head, disappointed in himself. Why couldn't he get a hold of his feelings when Marissa was around. She looked dashing in that white dress with her hair loose over her shoulders and a shy smile on her face. She looked down when their eyes met. He felt guilty. He shouldn't have argued with her the way he had.

He walked from the door where he stood to the end of the stairs and stopped in front of her. Her surprise showed in the wide eyed stare she gave him. He held her in his arms and kissed her forehead. He felt her relaxing against his chest.

"Oh my God, I've missed you so much," He said under his breath.

Marissa felt her eyes welling up with tears. She missed him already.

"I've missed you too." She said, embracing him.

"I'm calling in for a truce. Do you agree?" Ryan said before he could stop himself. He was leaning in to kiss her when he realized where they were.

"Yes. But not here." She whispered.

"Let's get out of here." He said stepping back and taking her hand in his.

At least she would get a chance of having a few happy moments with Ryan before she told him she was leaving and their happy moments were over for God knew how long.

She sighed. She wished she could tell him about their baby.


End file.
